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Pine Heart
Topic Started: Sep 7 2008, 11:05 PM (119 Views)
Eluthaun
Weedle
Glittering with the dew-silvered canopy of the pines, like a great green coverlet of a giants bed, the foothills of the Quad Mountains dwindled into the low downs of the village of Hillmoss in the south, discerned by the rambling hedged lanes of its narrow roads, and the trailing smoke of the thatched-cottage chimneys. A damp wind got out of the north, bringing with it the musk of ancient trees, and half-rotten pine-needles that red-blanketed the ground. And a noise, like the whining of the wing-feathers of a heavy pidgeon. The youth looked up, seeing the little shape of the wild treecko that had shadowed him the length of the twelve day hike out of the mountains. The creature groomed its muzzle with a bright tongue, cleaning its eyes, and lifted its nose to the wind, before it dashed -like a flash of light or shadow- into the sighing boughs. Far overhead a fearow cried out in its solitary voice, its silhouette barely a speck against the glare of the pallid sky.
Rolling yet another cigarette, the freckled and limp-haired youth looked down over the wide valley before him with a characteristic frown pinching his coppery eye brows; his broad barely stubbled chin held in a scarred and labour-calloused hand. As he caught his breath, his round shoulders strained against the hem-lines of a sun-bleached and weather-beaten padded singlet, a sort of singlet-tunic which his grandfather had made out of an old coat, this belted at the waist with a length of hay-baling twine, with worn leather breeches that had once been black, and were now heavily patched, terminating at boots of such superb quality and craftsmanship as to stand out against the poverty of the rest of his appearance.
The heavy eye-lids, that so often hooded the ready mirth and the open heart of the youth, betrayed something of the youths weariness. A shadow that the touch of sunlight could not dispel lingering under his eyes and in the hollows of his cheeks. A hand -not looking as steady as it might- returned to his lips, and he drew a long draught of the cigarette, the little ember at the end shifting and dancing, then diminishing in a cloud of hazy blue. The grey eyes looked out over the expanse again, between himself and Hillmoss, and he stood, and took another of the innumerable reluctant steps from out of the narrow gulleys hidden deep in the Quad Mountains, and into a wide world he did not want.
But behind him, much as he might like to have remained, the bright memories of a long childhood lay amongst the ruin of the new reality. The young man, Luth, had put off setting out on his journey for a long time. He had only ever made it far as the next valley before he felt the call to return home. But that home was gone, nothing but memories, rubble, and a new grave remained.

[size=12]Luth[/size]
full name: Eluthaun

link: My House post
link: pokemon Lab post

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Tyrgon
Wartortle
.3

Well written. I can almost smell those pines. Perhaps I am a touch biased since I particularly like imagery of natural features, but I really enjoyed it. Your ability to paint vivid pictures for the reader is well displayed. I like the textures you give us - the "damp wind", the "musk of ancient trees", the "sighing bows", the cry of a fearow. I'm also curious to find out more about this character and being thrust into "a world he did not want".

I 'd recommend that you put an entire line of space between paragraphs; it reads easier that way. But besides that and perhaps a couple of word choices ("damp wind got out of the north"), I think it was excellent.

The young man carries 4900 zeni, an escape rope with 3 charges, and a tarnished, but newly rewired pokénav with him somewhere on his person.
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