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| from ashes we were born; freeform | ||
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| Topic Started: Oct 14 2007, 11:14 AM (297 Views) | ||
| Alexandra | Oct 14 2007, 11:14 AM Post #1 | |
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Tyranitar
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I'm planning a free-form in this topic, but this first post isn't part of it. It's just normal happenings in town and all. The next few replies, when posted, will be free-form. :D Finally, civilization once more! Even if this civilization was a strange town full of others that didn't seem to quite enjoy hers, or any strangers', presence there. She avoided eye contact, slinking through with the Zigzagoon in her arms. The little raccoon pokmon slept on, feeling totally safe in her arms. She wandered through the misty streets until she reached the florescent sign that read POKCENTER. I don't really have to tell you that she went in. She deposited the four pokmon she had on the counter and the nurse took them back to get them healed up. She waited, holding the Zigzagoon in her arms. For what she thought about, it was the construction of her team. Pokmon trainers had to be ready for anything, and often have a well-rounded team to boot. Having two flying-types on her team was going to offset that, and she needed to deposit one into the box. Chayton was the obvious choice, and she decided that the Pidgey was going to have to go. She felt guilty, though the scared little bird was always shaky in combat but, sadly, that was why he had to be deposited. So when she got her pokmon back, she transported his pokball to the network via computer. She felt sad about it, too. Damn, she shouldn't get so attatched to these things. She continued outside, three pokmon to her belt and one in her arms. She also distributed some genexp inside the pokcenter, but all sneaky and ninja-like, so I didn't type it out. She also ran into the pokmart to sell the Pearl she had acquired in the Forest of Fury. Then she went to the streets once more, to wander around. In short: 1) Pokmon healed in pokcenter. 2) Chayton deposited in computer. 3) GenExp distributed, 3.3 to Rayen (levels up to Lv.10) and 0.6 to Streak (levels up to Lv.10).4) Sold Pearl for 700z. Now has 2200z |
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| Alexandra | Oct 16 2007, 08:21 PM Post #2 | |
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Tyranitar
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Alright, my first freeform! The meaning of this freeform is to get some experience, develop some characters and plots, have my character meet her rival, and a few other things I threw in because I thought they would be interesting for further developments. Its going to be really simple, as I dont want to get into anything too complicated yet, so dont expect anything amazing. XD CHAPTER 1: Test The Zigzagoon that had been in her arms since meeting it awoke finally when they had reached he park, both Alexandra and Rayen the Chikorita who was once more restored to trotting at her heels. The tiny raccoon was completely at ease with this strange trainer who didnt make any moves to harm her, and immediately began running around with Rayen and playing childish games of tag, capture the flag, and mocking skirmishes. Amused and smiling, Alexandra reclined on a bench and watched for a good few minutes before slipping away into sleep. She was exhausted she had been wandering around in plains and mountains for so long without a good, civilized place to sleep, a bench was good enough for her. Rayen and the Zigzagoon would eventually tire of their games and run up to Alexandra, only to find her asleep. Mutually, they both hopped onto the bench and fell asleep alongside their friend and trainer. They would all doze on the bench through the twilight of afternoon, through the chilly night, and into the foggy morning. Alexandra, first to sleep and normally first to rise, would get up first and rouse her friends to consciousness. The dawning of a new day in this strange new town this new world there was no time to waste! The trio set out down the streets, looking in various shops and having a few very short conversations with the strange denizens of Misthenge. They were really looking for something exciting different from the occasional peddlers and the various fortune-tellers. They were looking for a place to test their battle skills, and the signs pointing toward the Fighting Ring seemed like just the thing. Rayen was already itching for a fight, as loosing against that Spearow back in the Mountains left a bad taste in his mouth. The Zigzagoon, however, felt as though to be a spectator and cheer on for her new friends. Alexandra just wanted to see if she had what it took to take on a few other trainers. If she wanted to take on a gym any time soon, this would be the first step. The ring was pretty small in between the park and the cliffs which dropped to the sea. A rectangle of padded-down sand and dirt with the usual pokball lines drawn on it with a few stands and many old rocks standing around the ring, crumbling and falling over. There were a few trainers there now, a few kids and some more serious trainers. The variety excited Alexandra and her partners. Smirking, she went to one of the stone benches and sat down, watching the action from afar until she decided who shed challenge to a fight. There was a battle going on right now. There was a trainer about her age maybe older with short, black hair and was commanding a Cyndaquil with ruthless precision against another trainer around the same age. The other trainers Staravia wasnt faring very well its left wing was singed greatly and it was just now being hit by a crippling Double Edge by the small Cyndaquil. The fire mouses ferocity surprised Alexandra she had always been fond of Cyndaquils and had been expecting to choose one at Professor Willows, but fate had drawn her and Rayen together. She was even more fascinated with the trainer, so cool and concise. He had no other thoughts but battle. Kirin! he had shouted, and the Cyndaquil skidded to a halt after the Double-Edge just to listen to him. Their partnership seemed total. Time to finish this. Flamethrower and Tackle, now! The fire mouse gave a small nod of recognition. The Staravia, who had barely recovered from the last Double Edge, gave a small squawk of surprise as a running bullet spewing a string of fire smashed into it. The battle was over, and the other trainer recalled his pokmon and left the ring, stung. Michael Carmes, the victor of the fight and still left unsatisfied, called Kirin back to him. The Cyndaquil was working flawlessly, but still he didnt feel as though they were strong enough. Seeing the incredulous looks from the other fighters of the ring, he gave a cool glare back and walked off to the sidelines, nearest to the shore and cliffs to talk to Kirin. Alexandra watched with dull interest, not really caring but wondering how Rayen would fare against that ruthless Cyndaquil A girl entered the ring, laughing and looking at the group of kids she had just left. Okay, Ill fight next! Any challengers? She grinned as she turned around, looking at all the gathered kids. As if to entice someone to fight, she chose one pokball from her belt and tossed it. With a burst of light, a Electrike materialized next to her, smiling and barking at the other trainers gathered around. Since no one else was speaking up, Alexandra motioned to Rayen and the Zigzagoon to stay as she walked into the ring. What are your conditions? she asked the girl, who seemed very confident. One-on-one battle. Winner gets 300 zenni. The reply was smooth, even with the addition of money involved. The other kids laughed and shouted encouragement even though forking over money to the victor was common, most of their parents discouraged gambling. In any case, Alexandra nodded her acceptance and called Ashkii the Poochyena to battle with the Electrike. The two dog-like pokmon would generate an interesting fight, indeed Lec! the girl commanded, and the Electrike got to attention. Its eyes were glaring, boring hard into the Poochyenas. They squared off like they should nemesis until the end of this match. Lets see what theyve got, first! Charge and Howl! The Lightning pokmon smirked, moving subtly to generate electricity within its fur. It howled, a mocking sound that raised its battle spirit. Yes, that made Ashkiis blood burn. The Poochyena itched for a fight he hadnt got one for a while but he waited loyally for his trainers call. They asked for it, Ashkii. The dog agreed internally, but kept his yellow eyes on the grinning Electrike. Howl, and then Take it Down! The dog ran first, moving surprisingly fast and howling as it went. Adrenaline pumped through its small body, and it smashed into the stunned Electrike with enough force to send both of them careening to the ground. That was it. The phase of toying was over this was a real fight. Things were going too fast now for the trainers to command their pokmon, and Alexandra willingly let the Poochyena call the shots. The Electrike, getting up fluidly and letting the charged electricity loose, smashing into the Poochyena with a Spark attack. Ashkii yowled in pain as the electricity coursed through his body, but it only made him even more angry. He Tackled into the Electrike, and the two went rolling. Both were angry and still raring to fight, and the Poochyena dealt a massive Crunch attack to the Lightning pokmon while wrestling and Lec returned with a burst of a Thunder Wave attack. The Poochyena was paralyzed instantly, feeling his muscles lock up with shock. Ashkii retreated for a minute, lingering on the outside of the pokball design on the sandy floor. His muscles were struggling to move, and the Electrike and its trainer sensed victory in the future. A confident beam from the girl and a dark smile from the Electrike proved it. They didnt understand Ashkiis and Alexandras strategy, though. With a final Howl of supposed victory, the Electrike charged. It moved quickly, but not quickly enough for the stunned opponent. It was aiming to attack the Poochyena and finish it off with a Thunder Fang, but Ashkii and his Quick Feet, which gave him additional speed under Paralysis moved with such agility that the Electrike lost sight of him. Well, he found him soon enough. The dark pokmon smashed into the Electrike from behind with a Take Down, and proceeded to deliver a Crunch to the back of its neck. Electrike gasped with pain as the Poochyena leapt off of its back, standing to the side. The Electrikes muscles relaxed as it fell unconscious. Phased but victorious, the Poochyena let loose a howl of victory. The girl was stunned, and Alexandra celebrated by calling Ashkii to her and rubbing him lovingly on the head. He relished the contact, barking excitedly. The girl, disappointed and somewhat bitter, recalled her Electrike with in a huff. She paused for a second, glaring with pokball in hand, before whispering, Looks like we have a lot more work to do, buddy. She took 300 zenni from a pouch around her waist and handed it over to Alexandra, smiling and shaking her hand. She then walked off to join her friends, causing a ripple of warm, encouraging words. Alexandra envied her companions. Everything was observed, however, by Michael and Kirin. They had observed the fight and could only feel impressed by this girl and her Poochyena. And here he had thought that no one here as on his caliber He ended up smiling. It was a cold and cruel smile, like that of a snake before it strikes its victim. He had found his worthy adversary. He looked to Kirin and motioned for him to follow. The trainer and Cyndaquil approached the ring once more, causing a small void of silence to replace the waves of conversation that had ensued after Alexandras victory. He said, his low voice emotionless, Im issuing a challenge to you. He looked directly at Alex. His dark brown almost black eyes struck within her a fear she hadnt felt since her world faded away before her. That blackness reminded her so much of it A two-on-two battle. Winner gets 500 zenni. Some of the smaller kids started to chatter excitedly normally 200 to 300 zenni was the more daring gamble, but 500?! It was unheard of! This day was getting more and more exciting for the kids who called Misthenge home. The two strangers, however, stared each other down. Fine, Alexandra said, shrugging. She was excited within, though, and she relished the idea of competing against someone with such skill. The two, with unspoken final agreement, went to opposite ends of the ring. Zanna! he called, tossing a pokball into the ring. With a flash, a Zubat appeared, its rapid flapping keeping it aloft. If it had eyes, it wouldve looked with quiet conviction to the battle it faced. Seeing as though it was a flying-type and how Ashkii was tired out and how Rayen would have no advantage, Alexandra reached for Streaks pokball. Streak! The Taillow emerged in a flash of red light, and soared to face the Zubat. The flying-type pokmon stared each other down, as did the trainers. It seemed that their rivalry formed immediately after that moment. End of Chapter 1: Test. Goals for Rewards at the end of Ch. 1. 1) 300 zenni for defeating the trainer, as promised in freeform. 2) Experience. Thanks for reading! The next chapter is coming soon! |
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| Alexandra | Oct 18 2007, 08:29 PM Post #3 | |
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Tyranitar
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CHAPTER 2: Rivalry The rest of the spectators from that point onward didnt seem to exist to the two battling trainers. All they could see was their opponent, their ally pokmon fighting the other. What was probably meant to have been a simple battle between competitors somehow changed into something different. Call it invisible strings being pulled in this play of life or whatever you like they could feel that they would never see each other as anything but opponents, rivals. Michaels harsh voice sounded first, Zanna! Alexandras call echoed his, Streak! The dogfight, ironically, between bird and bat had begun. Streak, the hasty little thing he was, didnt wait a second. He quickly Focused his Energies onto the battle at hand and, with his form shifting into a blur of color, shot forward to Quick Attack the Zubat. The latter was obviously not fast enough to avoid it, and simply tensed up to take the blow with honor. Streak was surprised this pokmon had a serious amount of training to be so disciplined. His momentary surprise led to a downfall in the beginning of the fight. Zanna retaliated with a quick Air Cutter, her wings slicing an energy wave into the air. Streak was hit by it, and almost hit the ground if he had not gotten aloft once more. Streak obviously didnt learn from past mistakes as he soared at the Zubat once more, impacting with a Quick Attack. The only difference this time was that he nailed the Zubats weak spot in her defense and started to immediately Peck at it. Zanna was getting more and more flustered by the oncoming attack, and shrieked high-pitched and loud. This Supersonic didnt go on to confuse Streak, but it made him break his focus and drop a few feet in elevation. Zanna took her chance. She swooped down and bit deep into the Taillows back, injecting poison at the same time. Streak might not be confused, but he was now sure as hell poisoned. He wasnt going down without a fight, though. Mimicking Zubats Air Cutter to where it was even more powerful, Streak started to launch Air Slashes like crazy at the bat. She was swift, dodging the more haphazard ones but being stricken more than twice. The two were both tiring out quickly, and without the help of their trainers. This match-up was beginning to look like it was winding down And Zanna was winning. Her dodges combined with the poison in the Taillow were giving her the edge. But Streak had one more trick up his sleeve. Unfortunately, so did Zanna. The latter set out at the Taillow, moving swiftly. She maneuvered to where she could set her fangs into the Taillow and began to drain the life from him. It wasnt very effective against the flying-type, but it was enough to make Streak start to see things blurry. But he had his trump card. Storing up all the energy he still had left and pitting it against his weary body, he let out one thrash of an Endevour attack. It was a powerful blow, seeing as though the attack gained power through struggle and the Taillow was making one hell of one. The Zubat, who was hanging on just as Streak was, was knocked unconscious immediately. Of course, the energy that the Taillow had expended was enough for it (along with the poison coursing through its veins) and it collapsed just a few inches away from the Zubat. The two trainers didnt consider a draw in the first round of the match, possibly because it was such a damn clich. They looked at each other, incredulously, before they both returned their defeated avian pokmon. Their match would really depend upon this last match? Nice. Time to see who dealt with pressure better. Kirin, Michael said, and the Cyndaquil trotted out to the ring. It didnt seem very tired at all from its previous battles. In fact, it seemed even more raring to go. The fire on the mouses back burned brightly, and his squinted eyes were pitted on Alex and her Chikorita. Of course, Alex was in quite a conundrum. She couldnt possibly have Ashkii fight that Cyndaquil in the condition he was in, and it would be at a huge disadvantage to her to use Rayen. But it seemed that she didnt have a choice. Rayen, she said, and the Chikorita presented himself. Make me proud, Alex added in an undertone, so that only her partner would hear. The leaf pokmon smiled at her, and walked on. Kirin burned with the idea of winning against a pokmon that, for all reasons of rivalry and pokmon generations, should be its enemy. He knew that he had the upper-hand, and that thrilled him. This would be a truly fun fight, after all. As for Rayen, his heart was racing. He had a great fear of fire pokmon, but he wanted to prove himself before Alex. He needed to. Their reasons for fighting so different, and yet to fight they must. They stared each other down until Kirin couldnt take any more. He rushed forward to test the Chikorita, aiming a Tackle straight at it. Rayen felt offended did it really think this was going to be that easy?! He side-stepped a bit, Growling and swinging the leaf on her head to where it swatted the fire mouse away easily. Of course, that only fueled Kirins fire. A weird growling sound emitting from him, he charged Rayen once more, but this time spewing a length of fire from his mouth. Surprised, afraid, and silently refusing the instinct to run, Rayen stepped back and started to put the leaf on his head between him and the flame. He rotated it quickly, like a fan, to try and divert the flames. It worked, for the most part, except for the fact that the leaf was still a part of him. It was badly burned now, and he was ailing already. Flinching with pain, he paused before snarling at the Cyndaquil. He jumped forward, hitting the Cyndaquil solidly with a Body Slam. The fire mouse was quick to rebound, though, using the momentum of the attack against Rayen as he kicked off and hit into his opponent with a Double-Edge. The trainers watched, silent. This slugging match had to end eventually. Kirin was getting fed up, and especially so because he was actually getting injured in this fight. Leering dangerously at the Chikorita, he let loose a Flamethrower that made a ripple of oohs and aahs go through the crowd of spectators. He began to rotate his head, too, creating a formidable tornado of flames to engulf the Chikorita. At first, Rayen fought it, trying in vain to block the flames with his leaf. But it pained him too much, and he gave in. But he also began to Synthesize, bringing in the suns light, as well as some of the light from the flames, to restore his energy. It wasnt enough to make him shiny-new once more, but it was enough to keep him going. Michael noticed this and frowned deeply. His black eyes burned silently. Rayen was quickly formulating a plan, though. He could barely conceal a smile as he started to run at the Cyndaquil. Many watching kids braced themselves for impact, but Rayen adjusted his course at the very last second and veered off. Some of the spikes on his neck, though, moved and released a cloud of poisonous spores. Poisonpowder. Kirin choked briefly, feeling the poison settle in his lungs and infect him. Clever little creature the Cyndaquil thought, almost as poisonous as the powder. The Cyndaquil coughed from the poison, and Rayen relished in the time to attack. He hit the Cyndaquil again with a Body Slam, causing it to be pushed back more. The Cyndaquil glared and shot a few fiery Embers at Rayen, but missed. The embers scattered to the ground behind him. He knew something was amiss, and that was exemplified when the Cyndaquil fired a burst of Flamethrower at him again. He tried to back up, but stepped on the hot coals underfoot and tripped. Falling on the embers and being grazed overhead by the Flamethrower made him want to give up right then and there. This was almost over, and he couldnt stand up to that fire. But he looked over and saw Alexandras determined face There was no way he could give up. He struggled to his feet, noticing that Kirin himself was struggling with the poison in his blood. This battle rode on this move. Letting out the breath hed been holding, Rayen started to run at the Cyndaquil again. It mustve looked like a bullfight the two pokmon charging at each other so often. But he had a different plan. He aimed a Body Slam, but, this time, with the leaf on his head. He swung it powerfully at the Cyndaquil (who was tensing for blunt impact) but, at the last second, he turned the edge of the leaf and made it sharp as a razor. The combined Razor Leaf and Body Slam both knocked the Cyndaquil back and cut it deeply, with Overgrowth fueling the whole thing. Kirin struggled to get up, but poison returned to haunt him. His muscles relaxed, and he slumped. Defeated. Rayen had won. Elated and excited, the Chikorita jogged back to his trainer, leaping into her arms and giving her a weak nuzzle. She said how brave he was, how powerful, how smart, incessantly giving him praise for his feat against all odds. The Zigzagoon was chipping in, feeling happy for her friend. Michael, on the opposite hand, recalled his partner sourly and glared at the girl and her damn plant. He approached, as did Alexandra, so that the pair of rivals met in the center of the ring. He handed over the money, his sour facial expression never budging, and begrudgingly shook her hand. He wasnt over here, though. There was no damn way he could lose to this girl. I want a rematch, he said, low enough that the murmuring spectators couldnt hear. Here, tonight. One-on-one. Well determine this without all this. He looked around to the other kids around the ring. Alexandra watched him cautiously, not knowing what to say. But Rayen nudged her and gave a competitive smile to Michael. He returned it, but with a look of slight disgust. Okay, youre on. Alexandra said, stroking Rayens smooth back. If you need to determine this, so be it. Then the two rivals parted ways, each going to coordinate their battle strategies for the rematch. End of Chapter 2: Rivalry. Goals for Rewards at the end of Ch. 2: 1) 500z for defeating rival. 2) Experience. 3) Maybe some happiness and fame points floating around somewhere? Final chapter hopefully will be up in the next few days. |
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| Alexandra | Oct 19 2007, 09:32 PM Post #4 | |
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Tyranitar
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CHAPTER 3: Final She didnt realize until later how anxious she felt. It was afternoon when she left the Fighting Ring, and she had made a bee-line for the Pokmon Center to get her injured partners healed. Then she had picked up some food and entreated herself and them to it it wasnt anything spectacular, but it was enough to give them something between them and hunger. They were discussing what would happen in the battle that would happen tonight. She wasnt sure who she was going to use against that Cyndaquil. Rayen was the obvious choice he had the experience and the know-how of the vicious pokmons habits, but he might be tired of fighting. Streak was a possibility, and so was Ashkii, but she didnt really trust either. For some reason, pitting her first partner against his seemed the best option. The Zigzagoon, which was still tagging along with them, protested that she wanted to fight with them as well. Alexandra quickly quelled her protests, telling her that this was between her and the other trainer. The raccoon, quiet but not yet pacified, simply remained placid about the debate until later. Eventually the Zigzagoon fell asleep on the sofa that they were sitting at. They were currently at the Pokcenter, and Alex had only released Rayen, to talk to him about the rematch tonight. Having you against his Cyndaquil Im not sure if I want to go through with it or not. The trainer seemed unsure. Why had she agreed to this thing in the first place? What if that guy came back stronger than ever and really whipped Rayen? She couldnt send in her partner and friend for torment like that. What are you talking about? the Chikorita said indignantly, in its own tongue of course. The two had become so close, Alex could (with some difficulty) distinguish meaning from the incessant repetitions of the name Chikorita. I can take him again. Hes bone-headed charging into battle without thinking. He turned his nose up snobbishly. Uh, Rayen, you do that too. Well, in a much smarter way! More of that trademark arrogance. Alex just smiled, deciding not to argue. She gave the Chikorita a stroke on the head and started to talk business. Formulating battle strategies was what they were going at. Fire power was something they had to over come, and that whole using-your-leaf-as-a-shield thing had to go. They needed to find a way to counter those Flamethrowers. A hour and a half later, they had formulated a good many strategies. Offensive, defensive, things that looked cool they had nailed them all. And the sun was beginning to sink, thus showing that their time preparing was running out. They needed to get to the Fighting Ring. They continued to discuss things as they walked to the ring, and the Zigzagoon followed. She seemed, understandably, dejected. The usual kids and spectators were just starting to leave the ring when Alex entered. She didnt attract too much attention, and she was glad for that. People watching her battle had always irked her for some reason she had no idea how she would deal if she ever made it to the league. In any case, she started to work more on their strategy. Zigzagoon happily offered to spar with Rayen, and when night had really fallen, Alexandra felt pretty confident about the fight that was edging closer. Ten minutes later, the figure of her rival, silhouetted in the fire-light coming from his Cyndaquil, arrived. They hardly spoke a word, assuming opposite places on the field. The wind was bitterly cold now, and the fog was beginning to creep more and more in. By the time that Rayen and Kirin entered the field, all Alex could see of her opponent was a hazy outline. That, and the fire that burned brightly upon the back of the Cyndaquil. Of course, as the fog rolled in, Rayen could see how this was to his advantage. His body, light green and, next to the fog, not very discrepant, would blend in easily. The Cyndaquil burned as brightly as a beacon. If needed, this could easily erupt into guerilla warfare in this small arena. He just might pull of a second victory after all. Or not. Smokescreen, Kirin, came the thin, cold voice of the other trainer. Immediately the fire on the Cyndaquils back started to spew black clouds of smoke into the air. Acrid and burning, Rayen started to cough. His eyes watered, and he couldnt see nor smell. And all he could hear was the rustles and winds of the night. Until the Cyndaquil came crashing into the side of him. Chii! he cried in pain, rolling to the side. He loosed off a Razor Leaf, barely affecting Kirin before tackled into him again. The strategy that he had been formulating was now turned, indefinitely against him. And, just then, he realized that his Synthesis would be absolutely useless at night. Shit. Looks like things were stacked up against them more than they had thought, after all. Come on, Rayen! Get out of that smoke! Not only because it was causing him to get beaten up, Alex also liked to see what was happening. She looked around the slowly dissipating cloud, only to find Rayen charge out of it. Kirin was chasing close behind. And he was readying a Double-Edge. Aha, their chance! Rayen! Behind you! The leaf pokmon understood immediately. He leaped up, just as the Cyndaquil smashed its head, unfortunately, into the hard-packed earth. Better luck next time, buddy. Rayen maneuvered to where his stomach was facing downward and simply fell with a crushing Body Slam right on top of the Cyndaquil. Ouch, that had to hurt. The fire mouse sprung to its feet, spewing spouts of flame in pure aggression. A few smaller ones were just to show how angry he was, but then he started to intensify his attack and shoot diabolic jets at Rayen. His intent was definitely malicious. The Chikorita moved effectively, dodging the jets like he dodged the attacks of Zigzagoon in training before. The Cynadquil got more and more frustrated before just unleashing an unholy inferno upon the leaf pokmon. The Chikorita jumped out of the way, but not without getting one side of him totally scorched. Bruised, burned, and beaten, Rayen struggled to his feet. Kirin was in much finer shape, a bit winded from the Flamethrowers and the Body Slam, but ready to go on. Leers and Growls were exchanged, but to no real point. This was beyond stats right now this was a simple grudge match. Nothing else was included, not money, not fame or notoriety from others watching. It was just rivalry at its best. Kirin fired off a testing Ember attack, which was countered with a weaker-caliber Razor Leaf. Kirin fired off a more powerful Flamethrower, which was countered by a stronger Razor Leaf. It was evident now to the two watching trainers that they were, indeed, quite tied in their vies for power and dominance. Michael watched coolly while Alexandra had her fists clenched at her sides, whispering encouragement and criticism at the same time to her Chikorita. Things were dogging on Flamethrower, Razor Leaf, Double-Edge, Body Slam the whole thing just seemed like torture to her. Michael might see it as a race for superiority, but Alex felt as though someone was driving nails into her skull. Each attack on her partner her counterpart and they went a centimeter deeper The fog impeded everyones vision, but she could see Rayen skid to the side of the arena nearest to her. He was heaving for breath, charred and bruised. One of his eyes was squinting, watering from the smoke of the fire that had been shot at him. He looked just about ready to collapse, but he continued to fight. For her. As for Kirin, on the side of the arena nearest Micheal, he wasnt faring much better. There were multiple cuts and bruises from Body Slams and Razor Leaves, but he controlled his fatigue much more. If he didnt, he would never hear the end of it from Michael. Kirin. The cold word cut through the night like the biting wind. The wounded Cyndaquil looked back to his trainer and caught his eye. He knew exactly what that look meant. There were steps that one had to take in order to become the greatest trainer. Some would believe losing would improve one, but Michael and Kirin would have to keep the score square. If he let this girl walk away with victory, he wouldnt be able to live with himself. Hed have to win, and totally so. By any means necessary. Kirin approached, walking past the pokball in the center of the ring. He faced off against Rayen, glaring at him but not at all sizing him up for battle. His squinted glare, so good for hiding motives, was directing his line of fire upwards Cyn-da! the thing snarled before heaving one holy hell of a Flamethrower, over the crown of Rayens head. He thought, originally, that the Cyndaquil missed by some ungodly reason. But then he realized that the Flamethrower wasnt originally intended to be aimed at him at all He realized it a split-second before it was too late, and jumped to take the brunt of the attack. But it had already made contact with the true target, and both human trainer and her pokmon counterpart. The two pokballs remaining on her belt detached, rolling onto the field. The Zigzagoon, still watching and completely dumbfounded by the fact that her two new friends were knocked unconscious. But against that Cyndaquil, she could do nothing. The victorious trainer and his partner approached, smirking at the scene. Yes, he had won this one, and their score was tied. He looked to the ground, noticing the pokeball he knew contained the Poochyena. The dog had been vicious enough in battle against that Electrike, and this girl wasnt going to use it to its potential. He simply picked up the pokball, with no intention of giving it back. The pokmon inside wouldnt know until used next what had happened. Come on, Kirin. The Cyndaquil, limping, went to his side. Weve won this. Lets get out. With eyes full of pain, the Zigzagoon watched as the trainer and the hellish Cyndaquil left. She was alone with her two friends, burned, broken, and unconscious on the ground. She tried at first to wake them trying to do so by licking both of their faces. When nothing worked, she pushed Rayen nearer to Alex and curled up between both of them. Shivering with the cold she hated so much, the Zigzagoon guarded them until they would awake. When morning came, Alexandra was the first to open her eyes. Dew had settled on her eyelids or were they tears? which made her vision blurry enough to see through the fog. She tried to sit up, struggling to remember what happened, but found that most of the front of her erupted into violent pain when she tried to move. Her skin felt raw burned. Then she remembered. That Cyndaquils Flamethrower soaring over the boundaries of pokmon battles, to where it attacked a trainer. Who was that trainer, and who was he to attack another trainer. Lying in the cool grass, she could only find solace in the dew that was on her. It spread like a comforting blanket over the painful burns on her. Zigzagoon was awake then, as it felt her moving. It was trying to explain what happened, running around and bringing the only pokball left, Streaks, to the trainer. So, not only had that boy left her like this, but he had also stolen one of her friends. What a goddamn bastard, was all that her cloudy mind could think of. Rayen didnt get up as she tried to recover for the next few minutes. He probably wouldnt, without medical help. Bruised, battered, burned, beaten, the Chikorita was spent. She, painfully, returned him to his pokball and struggled to get up. The Zigzagoon wished she could help more, but simply guided her to the Pokcenter. The nurse tried to make a big deal about Alexs own burns, but she wouldnt even think about them until Rayen was fine. Begrudgingly, the nurse took the injured Chikorita into the back to heal it. Alex retreated to the same sofa shed sat on yesterday, except this time finding the simplest things, such as breathing, to be as painful as hell. It really dawned on her then, what happened. She groaned, putting her head in her hands and letting the searing pain wash over her. The friendly Zigzagoon was by her side, murmuring sounds of encouragement and friendship on deaf ears. All that Alexandra could hear was the blood rushing in her ears. Miss, your Chikorita. The nurse had come by, holding out Rayens pokball. The trainers burned face looked up, and took the pokball from the nurse. She remained, however, looking at the trainer. I wont ask you how you ended up in this condition, nor will I ask the same of your pokmon, she said. Alex wished shed leave her alone already. But I want you to go and see if anythings really serious. She then left. They were silent then, one hand of Alexs still balancing her head as she tried to reserve energy to stay conscious and the other clutching Rayens pokball. Finally, Alex said, What now? She seemed to be asking the Zigzagoon, of all others. The tiny raccoon shifted, looking to her friend with reverence. You we should go on. And get strong. And then we can meet up with that trainer again and beat him fair and square. She swallowed, looking down. Id fight and train with you to get back at him for this. This I dont know much about people and all, but this isnt right. Alex looked at the tiny pokmon with respect and, with reverence of her own, took an empty pokball from her belt and tapped the button in the center. It expanded, just waiting for capture. She held it out to the Zigzagoon. The raccoon had been taught that humans meant imprisonment, slavery, no free will. But Alex wasnt like that, and she knew that she would treat her well. So, stepping outside of what she had believed for so long, the Zigzagoon tapped her nose to the pokball and disappeared, willingly, within. Without another word, Alex stood up and exited the Pokcenter. She kept walking out of town and on and on until she was totally lost in the mist. She felt more at home there than in that city. She felt safer, better. The mist soothed her burned face, but it didnt soothe the fire that burned in her heart. A fire that burned for revenge. End of Chapter 3: Final. Goals for the freeform: 1) Earning of 700z, from various battles. 2) Experience, happiness, and fame to whatever extent you deem fit. 3) The loss of Ashkii the Poochyena, who will be transitioned to the rival's profile. 4) The gain of the Zigzagoon, Lv. 9 and female (she was found in a route thread, and continued from there), who will be on Alex's team. 5) And don't forget the genexp from my first post in this thread!~ Thanks for reading, anyone who's made it to the end. I hope my first effort isn't totally lame but, eh. XD |
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| York | Oct 23 2007, 10:08 AM Post #5 | |
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Angriest Lax Alive
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Okay... well. parts of this had a lot of promise, parts of it were pretty baffling. It was essentially a good little encounter between rivals, but in a lot of ways it was poorly executed, and was rather uninteresting. Two things you really need to watch stylistically: run-on sentences, and repetition. Reread the first sentence of chapter 1, which I think is ample explanation of why you need to figure out where to end a thought. The other is just a matter of vocabulary and usage; you tended to get stuck on one word and use it exclusively and excessively. It does become rather tedious, and while you could just get a thesaurus and substitute a pile of more exotic words for something like 'fire' or 'trainer', what you really need to learn is efficiency in your phrasing, so that you don't have to use the same nouns over and over again. The battles were some of the better I've seen described, good and focused, if not entirely dramatic. You could stand to tighten up your phrasing to make it faster, and draw less attention to the language when there's action to visualize. A couple of things really weakened the narrative, particularly in the end. The most prominent was your character's reaction to the flamethrower being shot at her; or rather, lack thereof. I really don't buy that, being set on fire, all she did was fall asleep. It's not particularly convincing. This, and a few other points made the suspension of disbelief rather hard to maintain. Also, I want to point out that the match-winning strategy you hinged the first chapter on- Poochyena's Quick Feet ability's speed increase- is actually wrong. Quick Feet will boost speed under any condition except paralysis. Under paralysis, it does nothing- check Serebii. So... sorry if this isn't the most in-depth or coherent critique, I'm writing this rather late and am about to go to sleep. All that's left is to score, though, so... Level 9 female Zig is fine. +2 Happiness to start +4 Fame Points for the matches 700z, fine And EXP... 6.0, we'll call it. And done. |
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Sikander Himself Magnezone - Donphan - Aerodactyl - Flygon - Egg APL: Forty-eight and a half ![]() ![]() 21 - 61 - 21 Philo & Friends APL: Thirty-four and a third | ||
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| Alexandra | Oct 23 2007, 02:36 PM Post #6 | |
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Tyranitar
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Thanks for the critique, York. Looking at all the errors now (let's just say I can't even tell what I meant through that first sentence of Chapter 1, which is pretty bad), I'm glad that you've pointed them all out for me to improve on for the next freeform. I can just hope that it's more well-thought out than this one... Experience distribution right here. Watch out. It's combined from Freeform and GenEXP. 10.3 exp to give out. 10.3 - 1.5 to Ekhidna = 8.8 8.8 - 0.5 to Rayen = 8.3 8.3-1.5 to Streak = 6.8 6.8-1.5 to Ekhidna = 5.3 5.3-1.5 to Rayen = 3.8 3.8-1.5 to Streak = 2.3 2.3-1.5 to Ekhidna = 0.8 0.8-0.8 to Rayen = 0 To Rayen: 2.8 exp (Levels up to Lv.12) To Streak: 3.0 exp (Levels up to Lv.12) To Ekhidna: 4.5 exp (Levels up to Lv.12) Hooray. Continue out to Murmur Valley. |
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6:17 PM Jul 10
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to Rayen (levels up to Lv.10) and 0.6 to Streak (levels up to Lv.10).








6:17 PM Jul 10