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Trial By Fire
Topic Started: Sep 4 2007, 12:27 AM (343 Views)
Packerdan
Herp and also Derp
Dan's Note: This is a freeform. Most of what I want to do with my character is in freeform...form, so yeah. Don't grade it just yet, I'm only posting chapter one so that I have a bit more drive to work on the rest. But I won't expect this to be finished really anytime soon. Oh, and I'm quite aware of the levels of which this is the suck, so that's ok with me too.


Trial by Fire Chapter One

Megan Michelle Fisk was tired. She was tired of wearing the same clothes. She was tired of not eating a full three meals a day. She was tired of being in this blasted forest. But mostly, she was tired of following behind Johnny without him even acknowledging that she existed. Ever since he saved her from that directors Beedrills, the man didnt slow down, look back, or even wave to her. He just kept moving through the forest, never stopping, almost as if he were determined to get somewhere.

And then he just stopped, so suddenly in fact that Megan ran straight into him, bouncing backwards onto her ass. She started to pout, looking down at the ground, when she suddenly realized why Johnny had stopped. Down below from the hill which they stood was a tall, old looking city. The buildings all had a stiff, dignified look to them, a sort of character that can only be achieved from years of standing firm on the ground. There were three points of interest that immediately jumped out to her view. First, a large cluster of gardens in the southern region, which led to the second point of interest, a giant red tower. Then, on the opposite side of the city, was a rather large, white office building with what appeared to be a giant birdcage on top of it. It was a rather strange sight.

Johnny stood there, gathering his bearings. He couldnt remember the last time he set his eyes on a city. He couldnt remember, well, anything. The only thing he could remember was flying, desperately trying to get away from something or someone. Then he just fell. The next thing he knew he was lying in a pile of flames on the ground in some forest. He didnt remember anything at all. His name, his use of his pokemon, everything, was simply a jerk reaction when faced with a problem, almost as if he was completely running on instinct.

But instinct does nothing to explain the nagging little voices inside your head. Who are you? Possibly more important, what are you? Normal people cant just burst into flame like that. How do you do that anyway? Shouldnt you be more careful? That girl is following you still. Shes going to get herself killed. Shes got a great ass though. Why is she following you anyway?

It was time to get some answers, and for better or for worse, Johnny knew that the answers to the voice in his head were waiting for him in the city.

Well, are you coming or what? Johnny said, in a fake annoyed tone. To be quite honest, he really did appreciate the fact that for whatever reason Megan wanted to be around him. It made him feel more human. But he couldnt tell her that.

Megan glared at him, seemingly forgetting that she was behind him and therefore he had no idea that she was actually doing so. She, too, chose an annoyed tone with her response, although hers was more of an actual annoyance than Johnnys was. She had never had someone ignore her for so long. It would have been majorly insulting, if it had not been for the fact that she was totally turned on by it. I thought you didnt want anything to do with me?

Johnny chuckled a bit, and looked back at her with the cockiest grin he could muster. Well, its not like Im having any luck getting rid of you. You might as well tag along.

Although he said it in a way that would suggest he didnt want her to be there, Megan knew that this was his way of saying that he wanted to her to go with him, even if he didnt want her to know it. So as they began their march down the hill to the city, Megan smiled, knowing that this was the beginning of a brand new adventure for her.
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Packerdan
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Trial By Fire - Chapter Two

"So..." Megan said, both timidly and anxiously. "What exactly are we doing in this town anyway?"

Johnny continued to walk onward through the city. He didn't know how to answer her, mostly because he wasn't sure himself. All he knew was that his heart was telling him that there was a reason for him to be in this city, for good or for bad. Maybe he could find some answers here, maybe he would finally know what he was.

Like that would happen.

Still, he was in this city for a reason. And if Megan was going to insist on traveling with him, he might as well keep her informed.

"We're looking for answers."

"Answers to what?"

"I don't know."

"Well how are we are going to get answers?"

"I don't know."

"Do you know anything?"

He ignored her and continued to walk down the path. The city itself was rather old. The streets were lined in cobblestones, and the old, stone buildings were lined with flowing green vines that had grown over the years. The people were all dressed in rather dignified clothing, further extending the cold, haughty stares they gave to what they perceived to be as a troublemaker and a slut. In the horizon was the oddly shaped building which Johnny figured was the gym, and he figured his search might as well start there.

"I'm hungry." Johnny continued to ignore her. "There's a restaurant, let's stop and eat." He continued to ignore her. "Johnny, I'm hungry. Johnny, I know you can hear me. Let's stop and eat. Johnny, this isn't funny, I'm going to starve! Johnny! JOHNNY!"

"ALRIGHT! We'll stop and have something to fucking eat already!"

Megan looked at him, shocked and confused. "Well if you're going to have an attitude about it, we'll just keep going."

~~~

As the couple entered the nearest little diner, they continued to argue.

"Just how do you think we are going to pay for this?" Johnny asked, knowing full well that he didn't have a penny on him.

Megan replied as if the thought of money was a joke. "Daddy's credit card, of course."

Johnny looked at her, half relieved, half disgusted, and all aggravated. "You have your dad's credit card?"

"Of course. It's not like he's hurting for cash. He's one of the richest men in the country."

Johnny was slightly stunned. "What's he do?"

"I don't know, something with business and such. All I know is that he makes a ton of money and I'm not allowed to date any of the guys that works for him." She said with a completely apathetic tone. They had taken their seats in the diner and she had already begun to check him lipstick. After a short while of Megan dragging on about how she wasn't sure if she liked this shady of ruby red anymore, an middle-aged waitress with way too much make-up, wrinkles all over her face, and her unkempt graying hair pulled up into a bun walked up to their table.

"How are you kids doing? Great." She said, without giving them a second to reply. "My name is Candi and I'll be your waitress for this evening. Can I start you off with a drink?"

"Yeah, I'll take a diet Pepsi, with a lemon. And make sure it's a diet Pepsi, one time they gave me a regular one and I had to jog 10 miles just to make sure it didn't go straight to my thighs."

Johnny just stared at her with disbelief in his eyes. "And for you?" The waitress said to him, to which he quickly responded, "I need a beer. Fast."

The waitress smiled and left them almost immediately after, giving Megan her moment to strike. She took Johnny by the hand, and looked deeply into his eyes. "So I know you wanted to get answers here, hunny buns, but I really think we should go home to Kevin Baconville so we can start planning the wedding."

"WAITRESS! MAKE THAT TWO BEERS!" Johnny quickly spat out, not knowing really what else to say. Megan had already gotten out her pad of paper and pen and started making notes. "I'd like for our colors to be black and white, classic, but sexy. We'll get married in May so the flowers will be blooming all around us as we are walking down the aisle. Oh, it will be so beautiful!"

By this time, Megan had noticed that Johnny had a cigarette dangling from his mouth, which he was now attempting to light with a flame from his finger.

"Where did you get that?"

"Bummed it from the guy behind us."

"You can't smoke. My future husband can't smoke. It's disgusting."

"It's relaxing."

"It's hazardous to your health!"

"I can control smoke, somehow I doubt I can die from it."

"Well what about me? What about our babies! We could be harmed from it!"

"I'll take my chances." He said as the waitress was back with their drinks.

~~

After their meal (...and four more beers and multiple cigarettes), the two of them began to talk about what they were going to do as far as their plans went.

"Well, I was figuring that we'd start at the gym, maybe get some answers there." Johnny said, his speech a little slowed and slightly slurred.

"Well, there's no real point in delaying it anymore, unless you've had too much to drink..."

Before he could respond, the world did for him. In the form of a giant rhinoceros pokemon breaking in the wall. In the mist of all the scramble, some screamed 'There's two of 'em! Two Rhyhorns and two Rhydons!' And as the dust settled from the collapsed wall, they could tell that they were wrong. While three of them were definitely pokemon, one was simply a man.

A man in a giant robotic Rhydon suit, tearing up everything in his path.
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Packerdan
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Trial By Fire - Chapter Three

"What the hell is that?!?" Megan screamed, immediately seeking shelter behind Johnny as the figure of an enormous, metal beast came into clearer sight. The creature, which closely resembled a man underneath it all, stood well over seven feet tall. It's broad frame was almost as wide across as it was tall, making the man look outrageously built. As he walked slowly down the street, the sound of hydrolics and gears turning full power could be heard for just a second before a thunderous crash meant that it had taken another step. On top of his shoulders sat two, horned pads, and on his head were two more horns, one smaller, and one rather large and sharp looking. It was easy to see why the people had mistaken it for being another Rhydon as it fit in perfectly with the three other beasts.

From here, instinct took over Johnny. He took out the pokeball containing Charmeleon, and handed it quickly and forcefully into Megan's hands. "Charmeleon will cover you if you run into trouble. Get to the gym as fast as you can, and get the Gym Leader to help take out the pokemon. I'll take care of pokemon wannabe over there." As soon as he was done giving Megan her orders, Johnny raced outside, standing in the path of the goliath.

"Hey, big guy! Where do you think you're going, huh? You're making a pretty big mess, I think Uncle Johnny is going to have to put you in time out, mister!" Johnny cried out to the creature, his arms stretched wide to create a sort of lame barrier. "Megan, move it, now!" He said, noticing that she was just standing there, watching the stand down. She shook herself up enough to start running down the street in the direction the creature was heading.

"Move out of my way, boy." The creature said in a gruff, commanding tone. He proceeded to take another step towards Johnny, so Johnny threw a fireball at his chest. "Kid, really, get out of the way." When it became clear that Johnny was not going to move, the beast made his move.

"They don't call me the Rhydon for nothin', kid!" He said, grabbing a near by automobile with one hand, and singlehandedly tossing it straight for Johnny. Shocked by the massive display of sheer strength, Johnny managed to shout 'Flame on!', ignite on fire and fly out of the path of the car just in time to miss it.

"What the hell are you?" Johnny said, clearly too stunned to think clearly. He floated a safe distance away from the Rhydon, giving him a moment to answer himself and praying silently to himself that he will just back down.

"I could ask you the same thing, fireboy. Stay out of my way and maybe we'll have a nice little conversation about it later."

"See, that's the problem. You seem like a nice guy and all, but you're making way too much of a fuss for me to just ignore it."

"Well that's just too ba-" The Rhydon was able to say before Johnny clapped his hands from above, creating a massive stream of flames that completely engulfed the Rhydon. After a few seconds, Johnny pulled back the flames, and instead of finding a completely charred opponent, discovered the the Rhydon was relatively unharmed by the attack. The two Rhyhorn and the Rhydon instinctively went to make sure that their master was ok, but he quickly motioned them away. "Go to the Gym. Start without me." He said, and they immediately charged towards the Gym.

Johnny watched as the pokemon raced forward, and contemplated chasing after them, before the Rhydon called out.

"Oh no, you and me are going to settle this right now." Adrenaline filled them both as Johnny intensified his heat, sky diving from above to hit Rhydon with an aerial assault. To his horror though, he merely bounced off the Rhydon's hard skin. Grabbing Johnny by the chest, Rhydon threw Johnny into a nearby wall, causing him to stagger a bit. Johnny then attempted to fly away from his assailant, while at the same time throwing off an intensified Nova attack. The force of the attack cause him to slowly by steadily lose his balance though, so as soon as he felt that he was a safe distance away, he planted his feet and continued to burn.

Suddenly, through the inferno of flames, the Rhydon charged. He hit our stunned hero with enough force not only to cut off the attack, but send him catapulting through the air. Losing consciousness for a minute, the fire protection around Johnny went out in mid air as his body crashed through the roof of a somewhat-distant house, and the Rhydon continued to march onward towards the Gym, his goals still unknown.

~~~

The scenery at the Gym would have been spectacular under normal circumstances. While the outside was bright yellow and rather unattractive, it was the outside decorations that Megan immediately fell in love with, cursing the situation for not allowing her to enjoy the view. The magnificent gardens that were so evident from the hill above the city ended just short of the building, intermixing with a giant fountain of the Legendary flying pokemon Articuno. From where it would be firing it's Ice Beam attack, the water poured out majestically, inviting all to share in it's beauty.

Unfortunately, she couldn't stick around to watch, as there were now three large pokemon rushing straight at her. 'Charmeleon will cover you' she heard Johnny's voice in her head tell her, and she held out the pokeball, expecting the little dragon to pop out and save the day. Instead, the sphere just sat in her hands, not really doing anything. The pokemon were getting closer, and Megan had no idea how to unleash Charmeleon so that he could save her.

Suddenly, from behind her, a jet stream of water flew out, hitting the charging Rhydon hard in the chest. When Megan turned around, there stood a rather ugly woman, accompanied by a Gyarados and a Charizard.

"Well girl, are you going to help me take these invaders down or aren't you?"
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Packerdan
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Trial By Fire - Chapter Four

"Well? Are you going to just stand there or are you going to fight?" The woman again berated Megan. Megan stood there in shock for what seemed like the twentieth time today, trying to fully understand the situation. Less than a half an hour ago, she was somewhat enjoying a relatively quiet dinner with her man. Now, on one side, she stood down three towering rock pokemon. On the other, a rather unpleasant looking woman stood beside a tall, floating sea serpent and large, fiery dragon. The woman herself was rather short and stout, with long, tangled brown hair, an aviation suit, and way too much makeup on. And she seemed incredibly pissed that Megan didn't really know what she was doing.

"I...uh...help?" She said timidly. The stress was beginning to become too much for her as she stood their shaking, now knowing how to even release Charmeleon so that he could help protect her as Johnny had intended.

The woman stared at her, taking her turn in disbelief. After a moment of standing there with her mouth open, she began to hand out her orders. "Girl, you have to throw out the pokeball into the air for your pokemon to know that it's time to come out. It can't just pop open and land on your hands now. Quickly, call it out so we can see what we're dealing with." Megan quickly composed herself enough to throw out the pokeball, allowing Charmeleon to take a battle pose immediately in front of Megan, protecting her to the best of his ability. "Alright. Charmeleon, huh? Not the best at this sort of battle, but we can surely make due. Gyarados, you got the Rhydon. Charizard, you take one of the Rhyhorns. You, girl, have your Charmeleon take on the second Rhyhorn and just follow Charizard's lead."

Her pokemon moved as soon as she gave the order, in such a fluid and powerful way that it intimidated Megan almost more than the trio of rock pokemon. As Gyarados slithered quickly towards it's target, Megan realized that it was actually floating a few feet from the ground. But as soon as she made that assumption, the Gyarados found it's target and hit it hard with it's tail, which was glowing blue due to it's Aqua Tail technique. Rhydon flew several yards into the air, and tried to counter the attack with a brilliant white beam of pure energy known as Hyper Beam, which the serpent easily dodged in the air, and wrapped it's long tail around the Rhydon to pull it down to the earth. The rock pokemon's drill horn began to spin furiously as the monster attempted to jab at it's constraints, but the sea pokemon pelted it's enemy with a strong current of water until it could no longer struggle, running out of air and becoming unconscious.

Charizard's battle went similarly as smooth, launching itself high into the air for it's assault. The pair of Rhyhorns continued to charge towards the Gym, but the one of the left was immediately halted as Charizard unleashed a glowing red orb at the beast. The orbs, which Megan would later learn was called Dragon Rage, first hit the ground around the Rhyhorn, then several more pelted the beast from above. As a demonstration of how much stronger Charizard was than the rock pokemon, when the dust cleared from the attack, Rhyhorn had been pelted into unconsciousness.

The battle between Rhyhorn and Charmeleon, however, did not go as smoothly. Charmeleon eagerly awaited for Megan to give it orders for the battle, but the girl didn't know what to tell it to do. As the Rhyhorn continued it's charge onwards, the woman began to shout to her again. "Just don't stand there, girl! Give the order, have it use Dragon Rage!"

Megan looked at the woman and then again at Charmeleon, who began to brace itself for the collision. "Charmeleon, use -" was all she got out before Charmeleon took matters into his own hands, firing off a smaller, but still the same type of energy ball that Charizard had used to take down the other Rhyhorn. The blast was enough to knock some momentum out of the rhino pokemon, but not nearly enough to stop him as he continued his war path, running straight into Charmeleon and carrying him several yards. Megan began to scream as Charmeleon's claw began to glow, right before he sent his Metal Claw straight into the rock pokemon's eye, causing it to suddenly stop. The sudden stop sent Charmeleon flying several feet, using the distance to fire off three more Dragon Rage attacks to knock the Rhydon back even further. The two pokemon stared each other down, and then began to charge straight at each other. The ground shook underneath the rhino as it charged forward, preparing to hit it's enemy with enough force to knock it unconscious, while Charmeleon's claw again began to glow as he prepared to strike. Right before impact, however, Charmeleon sidestepped, allowing Rhyhorn to continue onward in it's charge. Now at it's relatively exposed side, Charmeleon dug it's claw deep into the rock pokemon's side and causing it to change course, heading straight towards the rock foundation in front of the large fountain by the gym. It cracked the wall quiet severely, and in the end proved to be enough to knock the pokemon out of commission.

It would have been cause for celebration, however, as soon as the pokemon were dealt with, the machine man in the Rhydon suit appeared. He looked at his pokemon, then to the ladies, and began to grunt in rage, preparing to launch an attack of it's own. Charmeleon, Gyarados, and Charizard moved in front of their respective owners, and the woman began to call out to the man.

"Who are you? What business do you have at the Escennia City Gym?!"

The man just grunted and stomped his feet, preparing for the charge. "I am the Rhydon, and my business is my own. You will soon regret meddling in my affairs."

The Rhydon then began to charge, but was immediately stopped in his place. The only thing that the woman and Megan could see was the Rhydon's stunned and annoyed face, and bit of fire flaring up from his back. When he turned, Johnny's slightly dirty, all fired up form could be seen slightly hunched over, glaring at the monster man.

"Surely, you didn't think that throwing me through a house would finish me off? Give me a little credit here, I am a superhero and stuff. And it would take a lot more than you to take me out!" He said, flying straight at the Rhydon. Rhydon grunted and smirked, "If you want another round, I'd be happy to give it to ya, kid!"

He took at swing at Johnny, who would have ran right into it, but Johnny had learned better than to take on the Rhydon at close range. As soon as the Rhydon's fist would have hit him, Johnny pulled up, flew a yard or two back, and unleashed a supernova attack. The attack had melted everything in it's path, leaving a red hot, slushy mess where the pavement was before. However, much to the horror of Megan, the Rhydon seemed wholly unaffected by this. The monster prepared to charge again, but Johnny superheated his body to the heat of his supernova attack, and began to fly in a circle fashion around the Rhydon, flying so fast as such a hot temperature to create a fiery vortex, completely encompassing beast.

"What makes you think this is going to work if your other attacks didn't?" The Rhydon taunted through the firestorm.

"I'm not trying to burn you up this time. I'm just heating your suit up so that it's softer."

The Rhydon began to laugh. "What? You think that will make a difference? At your best you could only move me an inch."

"That's all I need!" Johnny cried out, suddenly stopped and dive tackling into the Rhydon, knocking him off his balance. He thusly landed on the slush of what once was the pavement, and it gave enough friction with his force to send him sliding like a slip and slide. He slid all the way down the heated path, taking him to where his Rhyhorn had previously cracked the rock, giving it enough force for the walls to crumble, unleashing the full contents of the fountain onto the Rhydon's machine armor. He laid there for a second, just barely managing to keep himself from drowning, and then realized that the water shorted out the already superheated machinery.

The battle was over. Johnny had saved the day. They could finally celebrate and relax a bit. That was, of course, until the woman began to yell at them again.

"So you damn post-humans finally brought your battle to my gym, huh?"
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Packerdan
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Trial By Fire - Conclusion

"What did you just say to me?" Johnny said, staring at the woman. Instead of a thank you, or an 'are you ok', or anything like that, he was met by her snotty and demeaning tone. He didn't even know who she was, let alone know what she had just called him. "What did you just call me?"

"I knew the second that you damn supers showed up, your petty battled would end up effecting the gyms here in Opaddeka, but I never dreamed that my gym would be the first hit. Never in a million years." She said, shaking her head and glaring at Johnny, then at the Rhydon.

"Back up, what did you call me?" Johnny said, becoming anxious. It seemed like this woman had some clue as to what he was, maybe she could point him to in the right direction.

"A post-human. Are you seriously trying to tell me you don't know what you are, kid? Did you think it was natural for guys with horns on their heads to throw cars or guys in blue tights to light on fire?" She looked at Johnny, who had a desperately blank look on his face. "Christ. You're telling me you don't know anything? Eric! Get out here!" She said, calling into the building behind her. Immediately, a tall slender boy wearing an outfit similar to the woman's aviation suit came out of the front door. "Secure this man and his pokemon, and call for the authorities. It seems like I have to educate our guests here before I can tend to this matter myself." She turned to enter the building, motioning for Johnny to follow her, which he did, Megan and Charmeleon following close behind.

The gym was a rather unique building, to say the least. The octagonal rooms were painted bright yellow and connected at various walls with different heights and room parameters. Each room had at least two to three young people dressed in the same manner as the woman and the young man Eric, and the rooms had no ceilings. Above them was a large open area, and at two opposing sides platforms, supposedly for aerial battles. As they made their way through the establishment, they finally reached a separate room, unique in the fact that it had a door to close it off from the rest of the building. This room was painted a deep purple, and based from the small kitchen, unmade bed, and scattered clothes, must have been the woman's private quarters.

"Have a seat," she said, pointing to some chairs at a small table by the refrigerator, "I'll get you guys some water." After they were settled in as much as you could expect while still being on the edge of their seat, she spoke again. "So you really didn't know you were a post-human?"

"What the hell is a post-human?" Johnny said, so anxious that he was starting to become angry. He wanted answers, and he was tired of waiting for them.

"Ok, chill kid. A post-human is," She said, right before being cut off.

"I'm sorry, but we don't even know who you are. What's your name? Mine is Megan!" Megan chimmed in, clearly not as eager to hear the explanation as Johnny was. Johnny gave her the dirtiest look he could muster as the woman answered her.

"Oh, where are my manners. I am Cheryl, the leader of the Escennia City Gym, the finest one around. As I was saying, however, a post-human is the term used to describe people like you." She said, staring at Johnny. When his face didn't indicate that he was following, she elaborated. "People with superhuman abilities. You have been genetically altered so that your basic DNA structure is beyond a normal human, therefore, you are post-human."

"How do you know this, and how did this happen to me without me knowing about it." Admittingly to himself, Johnny didn't remember anything before he crashed in the forest, but if something tells him he would have remembered something like someone genetically altering him.

"I'm not an expert on the subject, but if you were altered, you had to have been one of those people who came over from the other dimension."

"Oh! You were one of Celebi's guys? That's so cool!" Megan jumped in, eagerly wanting Johnny to remember that she was there. Charmeleon just sat there and soaked everything in.

"What do you mean, the other dimension?"

"You don't know that? Jesus, son, do you know anything? About a year ago now, the legendary pokemon Celebi brought over an entire nation full of people over to Opaddeka from some other dimension, something about you guys screwing your own world up enough and needing a new home. The thing about that though is that when you were brought over, a good chunk of Celebi's powers altered your DNA or something, making it unstable. Our region's Psychics picked up on it, and then scientists found out that they could alter your chromosomes to do weird things. I'm not sure how it works out, but the end results look like they came straight out of a comic book."

Johnny stared at her. "So I'm really a superhero?"

"I wouldn't use the term hero if I was you, fire boy. If you are who you think I are, you're one of Von Doom's boys"

The name Von Doom didn't ring any bells, but it filled Johnny with a weird, sick feeling at the mention of whoever he was. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, Von Doom created four of you and had you do the muscle work to help build up his city state. He called you his Fantastic Four. You were some of the first for the public to know about, after Captain Opaddeka, of course."

"Where is he now?" Johnny said, now with a mission in mind.

"No one has seen Von Doom since his cargo ship blew up a week or so back. Something about an uncontrollable fire..." At this, Cheryl started to put two and two together. "You were the cause of it, weren't you? You, his Human Torch. Oh, the irony..."

Johnny couldn't remember anything, but he did remember running for his life before he crashed in the woods. "What about the other three? You said I was one of four, what happened to the others.?" Cheryl shook her head, acknowledging that she did not know. Johnny took a deep breath, and got up out of his seat. "Well, that settles it then. I have to find Von Doom, or at least the other three. Then I'll be able to find some real answers to what I'm looking for. I just wish that we had some other leads as to where we could find them."

"Oh! Let's go back to Kevin Baconville! Daddy knows everyone! I'm sure he could help you find them!" Megan said, again mentioning this solely to put attention onto herself.

"Well, I guess that's a start..." Johnny said, not really wanting to meet Megan's father at all. Luckily for him, Cheryl jumped in at that moment.

"There is a fellow named Slick Samson who is gathering heroes in Rose Town to battle some sort of ancient force. I can't go because of my gym duties, but I'd wager that some other post-humans would accept the call as well. Perhaps you should try there first."

Johnny thought about it for a second. "Yeah, that's actually a really good idea. Can you show me how to get there from here?"

"Wait a minute! We'll never get there in time for whatever is going on!"

"You can stay here. If I fly, I'll get there within a few hours. I'll leave Charmeleon with you, he can look after you. He's smart and knows how to battle pretty well, just listen to him."

"You're leaving me with Charmeleon? You're coming back, though, right?"

"Well I kinda have to. Even with Charmeleon, you're kinda not at all capable of getting home yourself. I'm going to have to take you back to Kevin Baconville myself."

~~~

After a thank you and a goodbye to Cheryl, the trio temporarily split up. Johnny flew off towards Rose Town to help in the battle, hopefully finding more answers there. Megan, on the other hand, dragged Charmeleon back into Halcyon Forest, determined to catch a pokemon of her own to prove that she was indeed capable of protecting herself.

(Done. I kinda rushed the ending, but I don't care. It's all open. If anyone other than York who happens to read this has any input, I'd like to hear it so that I know what I need to tweak to make it better, besides becoming a better writer.)
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Okay. Sorry this took so long. I don't have an excuse, I'm just a prick.

So... honestly, I'm not exactly overwhelmed by this. I find the narrative rather bland and unexciting, and it just doesn't have much of a hook to it. Not saying it's necessarily badly told, there's just no moment at which I sit up and take proper notice, and get invested in what's happening.

The story... well, it's not exactly surprising, not to say it's predictable. Stuff happens, things are revealed... it's not really gripping. I didn't find the fights particularly compelling or suspenseful. They're really missing out on the intensity that would make them exciting and unpredictable. At no point did it seem like the Rhydon posed a real threat to anyone, even when he was apparently beating Johnny. Fact was, there was no twist to it, and it all just fell flat and felt inevitable.

Stylistically, there's a couple things you need to keep an eye on, particularly misuse of similes. The phrases 'as though it was' and 'seemingly' were far too prevalent, and made the whole piece weaker and more passive. The language in general needed to be stronger and more forthright.

That's all I have for now. I'll tell you if I think of anything else.

Score is... 8.4 exp.
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