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| Luna's Journey | |
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| Topic Started: Jul 25 2007, 09:48 PM (137 Views) | |
| Suicune_Wolf | Jul 25 2007, 09:48 PM Post #1 |
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Bulbasaur
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It was a bright, winter morning. Luna, a soon-to-be pokemon trainer is in a small bed, sleeping soundly. "Luna, get out of bed this instant! You're going to be late," a voice hollered from a different room. "Oh, shut your face...," Luna slurred, still half asleep. "What did you say young lady?" said the voice again, this time in a slightly irritated tone. "Oh, uh, nothing Mom! I'll be right down," she told her mother. Luna took off her blanket slowly and fell out of bed. "Ouch," she said in a completely indifferent manner. As Luna walked downstairs, she mumbled to herself, "Why am I up this early again?" She reached the bottom step, and her mother greeted her. Well, sort of greeted her. "Luna, there you are you big lump! You better not be late!" Of course, she meant Luna would be late to go see the Professor at the lab. But Luna was thinking something totally different. She was in her own little world right about now. "Bye Mom, I'll see you after school," Luna told her mom after eating her breakfast. "Yep, see you later lumpy- wait, did you say school!?" but it was too late. Luna had already shut the door. Luna arrived at school, books in hand. She was going to a first period study hall. "Oh, hi Luna,' her friend, Joseph, said as she walked by him. "Hi Joey. Where are you headed?" she inquired. "I'm going to P.E. I can't wait for it to be over...," Joseph answered. "Jeeze, Suicune, will you STOP calling me JOSEPH!? I like JOEY!" Uh, yeah, sure... Anyhow, Joey was not a very athletic person. He'd rather read or mess around on the computer. "Oh, okay. See you third period, Joey," she said. She arrived at her study hall as soon as the bell rang. Let's skip to the end of the school day. Luna was walking home with Kylie, another friend of hers. Suddenly, a light bulb went off. "Holy s***!" She dropped her books, and sprinted back home for her backpack full of supplies. "Mom...Forgot...Pokemon...Blargh...," Luna wheezed. "Yeah, I tried to tell you, but you'd already left. I packed you a lunch and some other stuff inside of your bag. Luna dragged herself over to her mother and grabbed her bag. She went upstairs and got a lucky pendant of hers, and then she was out the door. "Sometimes I really wonder if I should give that girl a brain examination," Luna's mom muttered after she left. OOC: Sorry its so short, I have no inspiration... |
<->![]() ![]() APL: - Destination: - : -
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| Air Sylph | Jul 26 2007, 05:20 AM Post #2 |
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Better.
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3250 Zenny. Firstly, this post isn't very good. Quite bland. Secondly, you jumped into first person somewhere in the story. Where you talked about Joey. It isn't bad if you had done it more, erm, smoothly. How it is now is kind of jarring. Then you jumped through the whole school day, to the end. Why not just start from there if that's the whole story? You can flesh it out better as well. Anyway, you have an Escape Rope with 3 charges as well and a Poketech if they still give it out. Haha. |
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6:14 PM Jul 10