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[Mini-Freeform] Book I, Chapter I: New Beginnings; Air Sylph is taking care of this M-F.
Topic Started: May 23 2007, 09:05 PM (267 Views)
Falthor
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[ Flames of Passion ]
[This may be considered a MINI freeform RP, because Xale has no home, remember? Therefore, a.) it is not considered a mandatory post, yet it actually is part of the story. That's confusing. Secondly, it is not as elaborate as a freeform, yet it could be considered one.]

The purposes of writing this Mini-Freeform are:

1.) To see if I still got it (my Fanfiction spark)
2.) To obtain 5,000+ Zenni
3.) To obtain my mandatory items
4.) To show people who Xale really is.
5.) To introduce Chloe, his NPC partner who the author, Denny, (yes, that is my real name) created.
6.) To, perhaps, get some. Experience. XD

------------------

The legacy continues in the Opaddeka Region....

Xale was not one to be considered "amiable", ever since his banishment five years ago from his native land of Silverpeth. After traveling through the Legacy region for an uncertain amount of time, he, along with a large number of other Pokemon Trainers much like or unlike himself, were taken into custody by King Dirigible's troupes and were sentenced with banishment for treason. It was his last resort for all of the rebellious citizens of the Legacy region, including Xale. This was his second banishment in five years.

Everyone knows Xale's history as a dethroned prince of the Silverpeth region in the western hemisphere; how he refused to duel his father in a fierce Pokémon battle. After dissenting to stand up and face his father, Xale was accused of showing signs of irrationality and was beat up by his own father in front of a crowd of over a quarter-million people. King Falthor also threatened to kill Xale at that particular moment in time, which astounded even the most that supported Xale's beating. But thanks to his wife, Xale was freed, but as punishment, was sentenced for banishment.

Musing in his cell along with his inmate Chloe, another Trainer whom was sentenced with treason, Xale considered his life and who he was. He had no home to go to, and he did not have many friends. He looked in the small broken piece of glass called a mirror and looked at his own reflection. His eye was scarred from the end of the blade that his father used to threaten his death. It, even after five long years, has not healed one bit. It has become part of his person, and it intrigued his new lady friend very much, even though she knew of his terrible history.

He slowly moved over to a small, square-foot window and looked out. He left Legacy at dawn yet it looked completely dark outside. Xale could not tell if the darkness was caused by a snowstorm approaching or if it were just nighttime. He sighed in disbelief. This was happening to him. His second banishment. He nodded his head in disbelief, whilst he let go of the bar that prevented him from sticking his head out to see, and walked over to his small cot.

Xale sat back down on his cot that was about the size of his upper torso, his legs dangling off like two salamis in a butcher shop. He looked at Chloe. He had an unbridled passion for her...he actually liked her, which was rare because Xale was not one to commit himself in a relationship. But Chloe was something Xale has not seen before, and it attracted him to her. She understood Xale, and she was not bad-looking either.

I'd so hit that, Xale thought as he scoped the curvaceous body of his inmate. He mused once more, contemplating over his life after his banishment from Legacy. He already owned two Pokémon, though he did lose them after being in the Legacy region: a Cyndaquil and a pretty dedicated Magikarp whom he actually showed pity for. The Trainer looked at his watch, which was tattered and destroyed after being thrown into the cell with Chloe. It, originally working at its peak, only showed one time: 6:66, which was odd because there was no possibility of there being 66 minutes.

Could it be a sign, Xale thought as he tapped the watch with his index finger. He trudged over to the metal door which prohibited him from leaving. He had nothing on his person, and his watch had nothing sharp or nothing to sharpen to help him escape. He looked somber; there was no escaping this hellhole that he was a part of. Groans from surrounding cells echoed, which made his stomach make somersaults. He vomited on his cot.

Fuck, he thought as he saw his cot covered in colorless crap. Laundry day is in two weeks, and now he had to lay in his own filth. How long would he have to reside here?

Not long. After three weeks of being out at sea sailing to an unknown land, the ship docked at a large island about twice the size of the Legacy region that Xale inhabited. He and Chloe were released from prison and thrown onto the sandy shores of the new land. The large metal ocean liner sailed away, puffing a long stream of smoke. Xale and Chloe were alone in a new region...the Opaddeka region. It was the beginning of their new journey together.

Xale grabbed Chloe's arm and lifted her up. They both undressed and threw their dirty clothes into the ocean, and put on a new ensemble on them; Xale: a pair of blue jeans, something he was not too familiar with - considering that he only wore robes and fancier ensembles - and a white tee with a red striped design imprinted on the middle. His original nobleman's shoes were still on; Xale would not get rid of them.

Chloe was different: she left her undershirt on, which was quite small, revealing her belly button, and put on a denim mini-skirt on. She left her red sneakers on, and put her brunette hair in a ponytail. They were both dressed in clothes that would not suit the time of year - the middle of winter, yet the weather was so warm. It was quite unorthodox, but the duo was not complaining.

"My Pokémon! My Pokémon!" Chloe yelled in worry. Her team, just her starter: a Squirtle, was not given back to her, and she frantically looked through the sands, where the security guards through the keepsakes of all trainers, for the Poké Ball that contained the small aquatic creature. Xale assisted her immediately: being that he had only two Pokémon himself, and being in a place where God knows what the hell would happen, having no Pokémon would not benefit him and Chloe.

"Oh, crap!" she yelled. She began to cry, but Xale consoled her.

"We're in a new land, maybe it is time for a new beginning, Chloe. Who knows? This may be inhabited by tons of Squirtle." His kind words tried to uplift his friend, but to no avail. She still was very upset.

I wouldn't blame her, he thought. Pokémon are part of their Trainer...without them, the Trainer is nothing, and vice-versa. Nevertheless, he and Chloe, whom had Xale's arm wrapped around her in comfort, walked alongside the shores.

Yards away, a small Squirtle lay defenseless in the sand...........
Posted Image

APL 5
Gen Exp. 3.2
Freeform Exp. 18.9

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[Treecko] [Sentret]
[:fl Lvl 5] [:ml Lvl 5]
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Air Sylph
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Better.
Okay, as a freeform, it isn't that hot.

As a House Post, it was good enough to earn you 5000 Zenni.

Falthor finds an Escape Rope with three Charges somewhere in that pile of trainer belongings and a Poketech.

It was quite hard to understand in some areas; there was once you wrote "his wife" when you meant the King's wife I THINK, but it seemed like you were talking about Xale's wife. There was typos that made me confused as well, such as "the security guards through the keepsakes of all trainers". You scattered around some meaningless metaphors, similies that do not fit in the story's atmosphere. Also, you start off with an omniscent narrator but it turned into Xale pretty quickly; it confuses the reader a little. There are also unhelpful details which I suggest you remove, e.g. small broken piece of glass called a mirror, when you can just say small broken piece of mirror; or alternatively, you could even just say a piece of glass since piece both reflect the small size and that it was broken. That was just one example.

That's basically it. About your goals, you didn't really show who "Xale really is". My suggestions for you is to first cut the crap. That is hard; I'm trying to learn how to do it too.

You get 0.9 :exp or 865 more Zenni.

(: And remember, Chloe and Xale only can have a maximum of 6 Pokemon in total. Or one of you can own the Pokemon and the other none, but they have the permission to use his/her Pokemon as well. So yeah. Chloe's kind of approved.
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Layla - 52.2 | playground
Maikeru - 46 | I'm nowhere
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Falthor
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Whee. *continues onward to Lab post* *goes to do another freeform* XD
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APL 5
Gen Exp. 3.2
Freeform Exp. 18.9

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[:fl Lvl 5] [:ml Lvl 5]
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