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| Topic Started: May 3 2007, 04:28 PM (139 Views) | |
| feral | May 3 2007, 04:28 PM Post #1 |
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Pidgey
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Ray Feral! It's time to go!" said a voice from downstairs. "I am getting ready Dad what time is it anyway!" said the 19 year old sleep head. “Its 11:00 am so hurry up” said his mother. Ray had a habit of staying up late at night and hanged out with the pokemon at his house. Ray was only 19 years old. He lived with his parents in Hillmoss. His mom was a onwer and professional chief with her own little restaurant called the “Blazen chilly grill” she would use her fire type pokemon to help cook the food for her guess. His dad on the other hand trains and takes care of dark type pokemon for people in town or for people passing by. When Ray was only three and his mom on the way home from work found an Umbreon hurt on the side of the road and took it to his father to heal it and ever since then Umbreon has been apart of Rays life. They would get up play and Umbreon would help Ray around the house or work, but today would be very different Ray would leave his friend Umbreon (Umbreon is a lvl 5 male) to start a life as a pokemon trainer. Ray got out of bed stood up and walked into the bathroom to brush his teeth and take care of other body functions that needs to be taken care of in there. Looking into the mirror he thought about how his life was changing after leaving home and how he would be leaving Umbreon behind. The though of this made him remember all of the good times they had. He knew Umbreon his whole life how could he just leave him he was practically his. As he walked down the hall back to his room he saw Umbreon. He quickly hugged Umbreon as he did Umbreon lick his face as a signed that everything is going to be ok. After that he went to his room and knew he wasn't going to be the same black haired goth punk anymore. He was an adult black haired goth punk today. He was ready for action and a good life. He brushed his teeth, shaved, washed his face and combed his hair. He walked over to his desk by his bed and picked up a picture of his family with Umbreon and all there families pokemon in it. He folded it and stuck it into his jacket pocket. Then reached for his favorite shades that his dad gave him on and saw the shades that he bought for Umbreon and laughed. 'I wish Umbreon could come with me...' he thought "Ray! Are you up yet!" “I all ready coming down! Dad." Ray started walking down the stairs, hoping he was ready for the events to come without his trusty side-kick and partner in crime. "I told you he would be down here." said Ray’s Dad, Juan. "I know what you told me it just that my baby is leaving..." said his mom, Rosy. Every single morning he helped them with there jobs with Umbreon and now he was going to leave to start a life on his own. All Ray could think of is how he was going to miss them all so damn much. “well its time for me to leave” Ray made his way to the door hugged and kissed both of his parents and slowly made his way to the door. When all of a sudden Umbreon with his shades on, hit Rays leg holding his black gym bag in his mouth. “Hey boy thank you I’m going to miss you to I wish you could come after all you’re my partner in crime.” (please give me criticism. Be tough on me. I can take it. Thank you ) |
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http://z10.invisionfree.com/Pokemon_Legacy...?showtopic=7473 | |
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| Fordy | May 3 2007, 04:41 PM Post #2 |
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ain't no new thing
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(Well, since you said to be tough, here goes. There were a lot of run-on sentences, first of all. I didn't see any spelling mistakes, though, so that was good. I thought the idea was pretty good, but it just seemed like there was something... wrong with how it was presented.) "-But since you can't stay, I want to show you off with something nice." He handed you a small bag, and inside it were a few items. There was a PokeTech, and an Escape Rope with three charges. Also, there was a small wallet in the bottom, containing a total of 1200z. |
541 ![]() oh! sweet nuthin'APL: 5 | |
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| feral | May 3 2007, 05:18 PM Post #3 |
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Pidgey
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(Thank you for the crit. will try to fix.) Ray grabs the bag from Umbreon pets him one last time and walks for to the poke-lab to get his pokemon. |
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http://z10.invisionfree.com/Pokemon_Legacy...?showtopic=7473 | |
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