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| Topic Started: Apr 22 2007, 10:35 AM (163 Views) | ||||||||||||||||
| kumo-sanchu | Apr 22 2007, 10:35 AM Post #1 | |||||||||||||||
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Weedle
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"Sam! It's time to go!" said an Elderly voice from downstairs. "I am getting ready!" said the 16 year old Sam. Sam was only 16 years old. He lived with his grandparents in Hillmoss. His dad went missing when he was only three and his mom couldn't take care of him so she dropped him off at his grandparents and went to explore the world. They still write to each other and she always visits, every time with a new boyfriend. Sam stood up and walked into the bathroom to brush his teeth. Looking into the mirror he thought about how his life was changing today. How he wasn't going to be the same beach-blonde haired teen anymore. He was an adult today. He was ready. He brushed his teeth, shaved, and washed his face. He walked over to his desk and picked up a picture of his mom and him when he was six. He folded it and swiftly stuck it in his pocket. 'I wish mom could be here...' he thought "SAM! ITS TIME TO GO!" "Ok I am coming down!" Sam started walking down the stairs, ready for the events to come. He walked into the kitchen and made him so milk and Pop-Tarts for breakfest. "I told you he would be down here." said Sam's grandpa, Joe. "I know what you told me..." said his grandma, Jill. Everymorning the bickered. All Sam could think of is how he was going to miss them so much. Sam finished his breakfest and stood up... ((Ok so while I am doing this I would like to improve my writing and roleplaying skills as I go on so if you wouldn't mind please give me criticism. Be tough on me. I can take it. Thank you :) )) |
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| Blake Kinlion | Apr 24 2007, 09:15 PM Post #2 | |||||||||||||||
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Same taste you love, 0% Trans fat!
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Your grandparents watched you with happiness and pride on their faces, knowing that whatever you ended up doing out there, you would try your best and in their eyes, succeed. When you had finished, Grampy Joe handed you a filled backpack. "It's got clean clothes, 2,800 Zenny, and that brand new PokeTech your Grammy and I have seen you eying in the trainer's store." Your Grandfather gave you a hug and your Grandmother gave you a kiss saying "We love you." And well, from there, you knew where the door was. ((The only crit I have for you is watch your words, I see the word "so" when it should be "some" and the word "the" when it should be "they" also, "Everymorning" isn't a word =P I'd give you heavier crit, but I think I'll need to see more of your work. I would advise putting "Wants Crit" somewhere in your future posts, like, in the title or something.)) |
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6:14 PM Jul 10