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| Topic Started: Apr 14 2007, 02:35 PM (181 Views) | |||||||||
| Tim Hortons Donuts | Apr 14 2007, 02:35 PM Post #1 | ||||||||
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Weedle
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I awoke Saturday morning. The glare from the morning sun blinding me slightly. I sigh as I throw the covers off of my body, feeling a chill as I remember that the heater had been broken for a while now, that sleazy landlord of ours refusing to fix it. My morning has already began to turn dim as I look back on all of our misfortunes. We had always been a happy, and normal family. My mother was a happily satisfied stay at home wife, my father a strong business man, working as a C.E.O of some company in the city. He was paid well and it granted us happy lives, and all was well until a group of thugs murdered my father, all because he would not give them his most favored possession: a gold watch that was given to him by my mother on their first anniversary. When the news hit us, my mother and I were struck with grief, that would slowly linger till this day twelve years later. Now, my mother works as a home attendant, barely making any money to afford our apartment, which is a real hell hole as is. I suddenly woke from the trance casted upon me by my tainted memories, and realized that today would start the end of our grief and misfortune. For today, I become a Pokemon trainer, and I set off on my journey to become a great trainer, and in the process, bring home money to my mother. After a lukewarm shower, I get dressed. I wear light blue, faded jean shorts that hang just below my knees. A dark blue undershirt, covered by a half zipped red vest. I then proceed to gel my hair up, it stands tall and spiky. Finally I put on my White sneakers, affix the stud in my left ear and proceed to enter the dining room. The wafting odor of an amazing breakfast leads me. I see my mother hunched over a sink, cleaning the tools she had just used to prepare what I can only expect to be a superb breakfast. She turns around and smiles as she hears me enter the kitchen. I smile back and sit at the dining room table. She follows after a moment and places the food on our plates. It looked fantastic, an excellent omlette, with every possible spice and vegetable and a side of home fries. It was the biggest meal we've had in weeks, and it was all for my special day. I look at her and she smiles at me once more, and opens her mouth to speak. |
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| Metool2 | Apr 14 2007, 03:45 PM Post #2 | ||||||||
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The Rocket That Burns The Heavans Red
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(( A little note for future reference, you should write in third person perspective rather than first person, makes for better reading. And you're story, while good in its own right, was a bit depressing for me, but thats just me personally, it was good, I just would havbe liked to see a fairly wealthy and settled guy end up becoming a pokemon trainer. n.n Once again, thats just my critique of the story, as a reader, not as a mod. )) Despite things being rough around the apartment, your mother still had managed to scrape up enough extra money to give you a good start on your pokemon journey. Namely a few items, zenni, and a brand new poketech. Your future was still stretched out before you, and you had all the chances to make something great out of yourself, just don't let it all pass you by, was her words of wisdom. [You receive 4,000 Zenni, 3 charges of , and a Poketech ]
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| Tim Hortons Donuts | Apr 14 2007, 04:05 PM Post #3 | ||||||||
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Weedle
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((lol, well I'd rather my story be depressing and different than generic and happy :p Also, I heard the exact OPPOSITE about the third person writing. It makes things more descriptive, and you see the whole thing from His (My) point of view, I might actually go in and out to make things interesting :p)) I headed for the door, my mother and I exchanging last glances. We knew it would be less difficult if we didn't exchange words. I nodded silently and walked down the path to the nearby Pokemon Laboratory. The official start of my journey. |
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6:14 PM Jul 10