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Here's The Problem
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Topic Started: May 14 2018, 03:52 PM (79 Views)
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Joey NOX
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May 14 2018, 03:52 PM
Post #1
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OVER 9000!!!
- Posts:
- 9,570
- Group:
- Administrators
- Member
- #608
- Joined:
- March 2, 2009
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Dearest PRW fans, media, fellow wrestlers and production people alike,
We've poisoned the word broken, haven't we?
It's a meme now. A joke. A stupid gimmick because we performers, athletes, fans and wrestling meth addicts can't help ourselves. We enjoy ruining what's fun. It's what we do; we're the worst of the worst sometimes. I'd know because I'm no better. After all, what was once fun was being able to say that I could hang with the best of the best on a day to day basis. I've ruined that. I truly have ruined what it is that made Joey NOX a unique and enjoyable wrestler. I broke myself somehow and let's let that sink in.
I managed to break my own legacy.
Now of course I did have some help but we'll get there. We begin before the biggest match of the year. There's no point in rehashing every waking moment here, just know that I got the call from PRW to try my hand at Superbattle. My quest to go back to back in a match of all matches. Despite being essentially on a break from the business for physicial rehabilitation and some of the old spiritual well being stuff, I agreed no questions asked. I spent WEEKS agonizing over the fact that I wanted to be out of this but had recklessly committed myself to it. I trained as hard as I ever did almost against my own will because if I'm it, I'm in it to win it. All roads led to Superbattle, a match I wasn't really wanting to be competing in to begin with mind you. Once I got in there though? I got sucked into it again. I fell in love with myself and what this business is all about for one brief glimmer of hope. Superbattle woke me back up and I remembered why I did all of those sit ups and why when the phone rings and I pick it up, it's always a yes. Furthermore I want to remind you that this whole Superbattle thing is HARD. It's a tough fucking way to make a living----but it's what WE want. As athletes and wrestlers we want that challenge. It has to be harder than anything else we do because we're addicted to the challenge. The Superbattle was tough and every step of the way I FELT the challenge. I wanted the challenge.
Here's the problem though amigos, reality is a serious pain in the ass. In life there are dreams and there is the cold touch of reality. I dreamed of winning Superbattle but the reality was that eventually somebody was going to object to me being there and do something about that. You don't win Superbattle twice; that's the reality of it all. Even if I wanted the challenge of being the winner of Superbattle, I've hit that point in my career where I'm not a hungry dude trying to prove anything anymore. When folks look at me, they see the money payday they deserve. What's more? They see another old veteran holding up a spot for somebody else. I've been doing this a long time and I've been where Kurt Kiddo is. I've seen the legends of my time taking up spots and feeling jealous or bitter about things. In a way I could almost sympathize with Kurt Kiddo because I've been the dude dumped out by the big name and I've felt that rage. Now I handled that by improving, battling to get better, fighting what I felt was corruption and bias with my words while also racking up wins to the point where I wasn't just a voice yelling into the sky. I did it my way which I think is the right way. I guess Kurt Kiddo did it his way which is his own bullshit way. We all have our own approaches in life and as much as it pains me (figuratively and literally!), I can't bitch at him for trying to do it his way. With the help of steel steps.
Do you want to know what that felt like? What Kurt Kiddo's fancy little move felt like? Slam your back as hard as you can onto the concrete and then have somebody jab you in your upper body with a mallet while you're laying there wanting to die. I've been hurt before and I don't hide my injuries. I hurt my knee vs Wrath, Patrick Slaughter has given me the only two concussions of my pro career, The Bayou Brothers punctured my lung and broke my ribs because I guess that's my achilles heel. Alex LeBlanc has bloodied me open, Serial fractured my hand and I slept with Tsukishima Shadow for a year so god knows how many times I got hurt there. This pain was different. It didn't just hurt me physically, I could feel the soul seeping out of me. Most times when you get hurt, you want to survive long enough to dish it back. I just wanted to lay there and wither away until I felt nothing. Until I WAS nothing. I wanted to die and each breath I took in made me believe I was dying. It's been close to a month now and yet I still feel that way. I felt like I'm changed. When you don't want to hurt someone back as badly as they hurt you, that's a bad sign in this business. It's the ultimate sign that something's wrong---that you've hit your limit. It's a lacerated spleen and a broken rib on an x-ray but what's wrong with me can't be discovered on a x-ray. Something else is busted open and I don't know how to fix it anymore.
So what now? I know you all think I'm going to come back at Summerfest because OF COURSE you have to. The problem is that you don't know that and you know why? It's because I don't know that. Even if I were to heal in time from Summerfest, do I really want to do this? I don't know. I don't know how I'd respond when the phone rang and PRW is on the other end telling me that they want me vs Kurt Kiddo in Portland. I'd be a bigger liar than I've ever been before if I said that I'd answer it and say yes because I just don't know.
I don't know anything any more other than that I've been hurt badly and I don't know if some hunt for revenge is really worth getting hurt bad again.
I need to learn how to breathe right again before I start booking a flight to Portland.
Much Love,
Joey NOX
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Hot Dawg!
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