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Go Ace!
Topic Started: Nov 30 2017, 11:23 PM (82 Views)
Joey NOX
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OVER 9000!!!
We open up with a dummy sitting in a big comfy leather chair. He looks as you'd expect a dummy to look; painted on pearly white smile, blonde hair, tanned to the gills, novelty belt around his waist. The strings attached to his arms suggest we're about to get a bit of a puppet show. Behind the leather chair, we've got a set up straight out of an office. We've got a big potted plant in each corner of our set up, a big bookcase in the center of the room behind the chair. The tall lamp is pointed at an angle over the dummy for good measure. With some stock sounding royalty music playing in the background, the dummy raises up his hand. Off screen, a muffled voice


Dummy: Hello PRW! It is I, Ace Andrews, your Undisputed Champion!


The strings are working overtime as they get that arm up and have it slap away at the novelty PRW title belt. The dummy's arm goes up and it's desperately trying to get the arm back on the armrest but it's not working as well as you'd like it to. It fights to get the arm back on the arm while our wonderful NOX-ian narrator picks up the slack.


Dummy: Many of you jackasses have been implying that I'm not going to make it to PRW's annual holiday pay per view Christmas Chaos. I find that to be laughable. HO HO HO HO!


The dummy's hand goes by its mouth as it "laughs" mightily. While it's flailing around its arm, you can hear the whispers of two people somewhere off the screen. The dummy's arm is now lowered onto its lap and the other arm raises up, trying its damnedest to point at the camera somehow.


Dummy: Everybody knows that I, lovable Uncle Ace Andrews, have never had a problem with being on camera. I am just making you sad sacks wait! You jackasses have to wait for me to come back! You know uncle Ace doesn't give away ANYTHING for free! If my eyes weren't so dry, I'd wink at you and let you all know just how I feel about that. Perhaps I could use a hint of assistance, perhaps we need to get a little winky wink.


The whispers grow louder and then a female voice shout whispers "LOWER THE SHADES!" as aggressively as possible. As the dummy's hands are dancing, a pair of oversized novelty sunglasses lower down and cover the face of the dummy! Well sort of kind of. They're held on there with the strings to assist the glasses being held up. The dummy lets out another "HO HO HO" as the glasses struggle to stay on the face of the puppet.


Dummy: Deal with it, PRW Fans! Ace Andrews will definitely be at Christmas Carnage. Did I call it Chaos previously? You silly PRW! Your PPVs are so poorly named that even your glorious champion cannot remember the name of the puppets! Puppets? Did I say puppets, I meant PPVs! Who said anything about puppets?!


The sunglasses finally lose their battle and fall off the face of the puppet and rather than draw attention to it, the dummy just goes back to talking.


Dummy: So dig this, you jackasses! I know that you all feel like Joey NOX will wind up taking my place because I don't show up but that's not going to happen! You silly jackasses! I refuse! Uncle Ace is coming to Seattle! I'll be there to handle Ata Tatupu! I beat her once, I'll beat her again! I'm going to drag my tanned balls all over her face! I'm going to dip my glorious championship title all over her head and dunk on her! Why? Because I'm Ace Andrews! I'm the man! Go Ace! Go Ace! Go Ace!


As the dummy continues to shout "Go Ace!" over and over, its hand on the lap begins to move and....shall we say....dance. With the dummy playing flappy dong, its head moves back and now we're in full "this is LEWD!" stuff. The dummy is cranking away and you can tell that our narrtor is somewhat befuddled. In an attempt to try and kill the awk, our narrator thankfully wraps us up.


Dummy: Now if you'll excuse me! I have to handle some business! HO HO HO HO! I'll see you jackasses at Christmas Chaos! Or Carnage! Or Whatever! HO HO HO HO!


As the puppet puts his imaginary dong in a full nelson, we pan back to reveal Joey NOX standing right off camera looking disappointed. Above the bookshelf, Nebraska Jones and Cassie Rial are standing on an elevated platform. Nebraska has the arm that's engaging in a little self help while holding the other arm is a disappointed Cassie Rial.


Cassie Rial: That's classy. That's really classy, Nebraska.


Nebraska Jones, in her best Ace voice: Ughhhhh ugnnfff oh LJ Summers! UNFFFFF LOAFERS AND WHITE SOCKS!


CAssie Rial: Can you STOP!


NOX: Nebraska, please.


Nebraska Jones: Why can't y'all just let me be great?


NOX: Do you think they'll buy it?


Cassie Rial: I don't know if they'll buy it but I also don't know if they're buying this PPV either so what's really good.


NOX: Well when you put it that way, I guess this was all pretty stupid.


NOX shrugs, Cassie shrugs and Nebraska Jones goes back to wanking and cranking it up for the yuk of it.
Edited by Joey NOX, Nov 30 2017, 11:23 PM.
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Hot Dawg!

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