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We Built A House
Topic Started: Sep 20 2017, 12:46 PM (111 Views)
SaviourSelf
Seasoned Professional
So,

Do you like stories about the creative process?

Actually, hold up. Scratch that. Have you ever been in love?

When I say "love", I mean the type of love where you are utterly, hear-bursting-in-your-chest in love, so much so that you want nothing more than to swaddle the object of your affection in a blanket of love that only fits two people, a love so deep that you give a person everyone that they ask and everything that you have. A love so deep that you take the charred and mangled remains of the personal and emotional life and brick by fucking brick,drywall sheet by drywall sheet, and nail by nail, you build that person back up, creating them an emotional home in which they and in a sense, you, can live together, protected from the problems and distractions and temptations of the outside world; be they drugs, abuse, addictive personalities or crippling self-doubt. Have you ever built something for someone that creates a sanctuary, one that allows you both to become your absolute best selves?

Because I have. I was in that type of love. I even built a legitimate house. This is the story of my ex-wife. We'll call her "A".

I digress.

Back to the point, have you ever built this sanctuary and then had that person you've loved not love you back? Did they engage and delight in the atmosphere and the structure your love created, but did it feel it was never you that they truly loved? Was it more likely that they were feeding off of your love like a baby nursing at a mother's tit, a being nurtured by love, but unable to reciprocate? Did you keep on loving them in spite of this lack of reciprocity, ignoring the sleights and the frustrations as you continued on with the construction, literal and figurative of that "house" you'd been building for the two of you, hoping that when everything was finished, they wouldn't help but love it and love YOU for making it, hoping for your "happily ever after"?

Instead, did the one you loved show a curious, but unmistakable disregard for your work? Did they take your devotion for granted? Did they welcome in the sorts of distractions and problems your home was meant to be a sanctuary from, doing so against your wishes? Did they feed off that outside energy they brought into YOUR home, once you built selflessly for THEM?

Did those strangers who entered your home take pleasure in your created paradise, but also offer criticisms and unwelcome critiques, even though they would never understand the physical and emotion labor that went into constructing this "house", no real understanding of the extremely personal thing this had become, and what it should have meant to the people it was intended to be shared by? And when you tried to convinced your loved one that the strangers were toxic, did they side with the outsiders and accuse you of being over-reactive, a cancer, a problem, stifling and confrontational?

And did you finally work up the courage to finally say, Fuck this, I can't do this anymore and tear down what was left of what you'd built? Did this leave you feeling like a sponge that had been squeezed and squeezed of every last drop and tossed in the trash when the job was done? Did your loved one start all over again with a new "builder" who may as well be identical to you in every way?

Do you see how this is all an allegory?

Do you see how life imitates art?

Do you see how you, PRW, are the selfish lover?

Do you see how I was always the selfless builder?

Do you see yourself in "A"?

Do you even give a damn?

I built this house for you, brick by brick, nail by nail, paint stroke by painstaking paint stroke. I gave my love, my devotion and I built you this insular home, but it was never enough. To management I was the cancer, the problem, the source of the problems that arose. You never wanted to address those problems, but you wanted to sponge off my devotion, sponge off my personal and emotional labor. Even now after I left, you tried to find new builders who were just as devoted, just as invested, others in my likeness and you FAILED.

You failed to the point where you have come knocking at my door again, playing off my love for you, my sustained, unrequited and problably misguided love for you, and you've asked me to build that house, a house that was left in shambles by the same outsiders I warned you against, a house left in shambles by those who never cared as much as I did.

And because I love you, and because I love HER...I go on the promotional tours, I do the duties asked of me and I build this house back up again.

I toil.

I lay the foundation again.

And I build, once again, brick by brick until we're back on solid ground.

-Alex
- 4x PRW Undisputed Champion
- 2x World Tag Team Champion
- 8x Cyanide Champion
- PRW Intercontinental Champion
- PRW Triple Crown Champion
- PRW Grand Slam Champion
- PRW Hall of Famer
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