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Burgers, Deservers
Topic Started: Jun 25 2017, 02:38 AM (56 Views)
Joey NOX
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OVER 9000!!!
After flying all the way to San Francisco, California to promote Summerfest, Joey NOX finds himself not back in his comfortable house but instead visiting an old friend. There in the backyard of Casa De Aries, Joey NOX sits in one of those ultra cheap plastic beach chairs. There in front of the grill, the bearded cancer battling Sean Aries is poking around on whatever it is that he's cooking. Aries is rocking one of those "Kiss The Cook" aprons because he's a 40 year old man living inside a 30 year old's body. Sean flips a burger and lets out a sigh as Joey NOX sits up and removes his sunglasses. He gives Sean a look and Aries just gives him a grunt in response. We must've joined the duo in the middle of a heated argument as there's awkward silence minus the angry birds chirping their asses off. Finally with a "hmph!", NOX speaks up, hands in a pleading position.


NOX: I'm just saying, Sean. LISTEN to me for once! I think this is a perfectly fair discussion.


Aries: This is dumber than the time you planned a CHW invasion so you could book me vs Nikki Chance.


NOX: THIS IS REAL! THIS IS REALLY REAL! Say Razer got ill or something, who would take his place? Some might say Sonia Capasso or Doc Creek or whatever the new Wild Hearts guys name is but THAT Is just a joke. It's quite obvious that Wario would be the best guy to be PRW's new GM if something happened to Raz.


Aries: And I'M just saying that Wario doesn't have the business acumen to handle big meetings. Could you see that big fat fuck out there trying to negotiate with China or India for TV deals? What's that thicc son of a bitch going to do besides wiggle his ass,
twirl his mustache and rev up his motorbike?



NOX: AND YOUR IDEA IS BETTER?!


Aries: Mojo Jojo? Sure. He's smart, he's obviously self sufficient and guys who have built themselves from the ground up are pretty reliable. Besides I can trust that guy to tell the truth. Very reliable face that Mojo Jojo has.


NOX: To be honest I think I'd just take Jojo over Mojo Jojo.


Aries: I'm going to tweet this.


Aries pulls a phone out of the pocket of his apron and NOX lets out a groan. As Sean pokes a chicken thigh with a tong with one hand and tweets with the other, Joey NOX just wipes his face. With the heat bearing down upon him, NOX immediately regrets the fact that he wore a GOD DAMN suit to Aries' backyard hangout. As Aries is sending out some rapid fire tweets, NOX goes back to talking in an almost cavalier sounding voice.


NOX: So.....Gunnar is back.


Aries: Really?


NOX: Yeah dude, he's gonna be on Summerfest.


Aries: I thought he died.


NOX: Chances are he thinks the same about you.


Aries, blowing out his cheeks: Come on now! Do you think I could die in obscurity? I have too many fans. You seen my twitter account? Millions of followers.


NOX: I mean it is pretty crazy how over you are despite never doing anyting on PRW. It's like you've got the game genie going or something.


Aries goes to say something and then thinks it over. I suppose if there's one way to win Sean Aries over, it's with a very solid on point Sega Genesis reference. Sean shrugs his shoulders and goes back to his grill, NOX continuing on in an attempt to keep Aries abreast on PRW stuff.

NOX: Ace is back too!


Aries, sighing: That's cute.


NOX: Not interested?


Aries: You're talking to me about Ace Andrews.


NOX: I thought you liked Ace?


Aries: You know me, I don't like anyone.


Joey NOX gets up to his feet and throws his hands up. He approaches the grill and makes the mistake of getting TOO into Aries' space, Sean quickly turning and accidentally slapping him RIGHT in the face with his spatula. Joey grabs at his cheek and sells it like a good veteran should and stumbles backwards, NEARLY taking the bump into the pool! NOX goes to say something but Sean cuts him off, waving the spatula around.


Aries: Joey, LISTEN! LISTEN TO ME RIGHT NOW! You're ruining a perfectly good day. You're ruining my weekend and that hurts me deep. It's a Saturday. It's like 85 degrees out here on a Saturday. The NHL Draft is going on. The weather is pleasant. PLEASANT! You want to talk to me about PRW?


NOX: I just figured you'd appreciate knowing Ace is back! Knowing that Gunnar is back! Bane and Levine in a death match!


Aries, sighing: I'm going to slam my face on this grill if you don't shut up.


NOX: Shouldn't you be slamming my face onto the grill? Not that I'm demanding it or anything, I just figured you'd do that.


Aries: Nope! You need to be kept alive to end this whole....Jesse Drive thing.


NOX: Oh?


Sean Aries closes the lid to his grill and turns to Joey NOX, slowly approaching him.


Aries: Yep! The Jesse Drive thing. Joey take a seat.


NOX sits down on the same chair from earlier while Aries grabs a beanbag and plops down. Joe gives him a look and Aries ignores it, positioning himself on the beanbag chair and just rolling right over him.


Aries: Listen to me, Joey. Jesse Drive has been a leech on PRW for a long time. Think of all the stupid shit he's done, k? He hit you with light tubes, he tried to flirt with Emily, he insulted my family. He insulted my legacy and then I had to kick his ass over that. I don't LIKE JR Judy but he was fucking with his family. HIS OWN FAMILY didn't like him either! Remember how he bloodied up Owen? Might've maybe kinda probably took him to Poundtown by way of Smashville? Remember all of that? Do you remember all the times PRW took money out of OUR wallets when Jesse Drive on LIVE FUCKING television would use words like cunt or dyke or fag? Do you remember all of that? Do you remember those ungodly fucking Scott Steiner hang outs? Do you remember Jimmy Sugar Daddy? Am I warm? Cold?


NOX, slowly nodding: He HAS done a lot of stupid stuff.


Aries: And yet he persevered despite all of that. This fucking guy stuck around long enough to be champion and he never showed a single second of remorse or regret in any of those actions. SOME HOW SOME WAY he won the title that I battled for and bled for. He won the title that Matthew Logan, his biggest critic, once carried with pride. He beat Ata Tatupu, one of the few modern era wrestlers who I genuinely like and admire, and gave us yet another transitional champion.


NOX: Well Sean if I beat him, doesn't that make him a transitional champion?


Aries: NO! It makes him a mistake and YOU the corrector of that mistake. You're the pencil, erasing a blight on what is a beautiful story that is PRW. You're the guy who scrubs out the grime. Beating Jesse Drive? It makes HIM a blight and YOU a hero! Joey, the people don't want this. I don't want this. Alex and I beat the shit out of this guy and he lucked into the title and now it's up to you to end this madness once and for all somehow someway. I trust you to do the job, man. I trust you to hurt this guy and if you don't? I'm not sure my eyes can stand the strain of seeing this fucking goofball with the title anymore. You know why? Because his bullshit about legacy and all that? It all obfuscates the fact that, and I can't believe I'm going to say this, but he doesn't DESERVE it.


So do ME a favor. Do the boys a favor. Do everybody a favor and slit his throat with the shards from this supposed glass ceiling he allegedly shattered in his own mind.



And with that said, Sean Aries gives NOX a deathly cold nod. Despite the weather being hotter than Sean Aries' disarming smile, you can almost see the goosebumps on Joey's arms. NOX and Aries are having this intense staredown now and the silence is finally broken as Joey NOX drops the most important piece of wisdom he's ever dropped in his life.


NOX: I think the chicken is burning.


Aries: That's all you can say.


NOX with a cheeky smirk: Just trying to be helpful.


Aries, returning the smirk: Same here.


?: Nope guys, chicken's just fine!


The third voice draws an exchange of looks between NOX and Aries. The two turn and THERE at the grill is Alex LeBlanc! LeBlanc, in a suit with a different patch for everything he's representing or shilling, is poking away at the chicken. NOX and Aries gives Alex LeBlanc a look as LeBlanc rolls a hotdog over onto the grill.


NOX: Why the hell are you here?


LeBlanc: I thought I was invited. I got a text about it.


NOX: For Memorial Day!


Alex LeBlanc: WELL I'M FUCKING CANADIAN DUDE HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHEN THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY IS?! CAN'T YOU JUST FUCKING BE HAPPY TO SEE ME?! BOTH OF YOU?!


Aries: I DIDN'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING TO YOU, DUDE! YOU'RE YELLING AT ME LIKE I BOOKED PROJECT HORIZON!


Alex LeBlanc: DON'T YOU FUCKING TALK ABOUT PROJECT HORIZON YA SHIRT SHILLING FUCK I'M OUT HERE WORKING MY ASS OFF MAKING SIX FIGURES TO DO ALL THIS SHIT AND YOU'RE MILKING PREGNANCY PAINS OR SOMETHING TO SELL SOME SHIRTS!


Joey NOX just lets out a sigh as Aries and Alex LeBlanc begin to loudly banter at one another. Rather than partaking in this festival of noise, Joey just gets up, marches over to Aries' pool and falls in face first. Rather than even acknowledge NOX's flop, Sean and Alex just keep arguing with one another.
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