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Favorite Comedian Quotes
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Topic Started: Dec 30 2006, 01:34 AM (288 Views)
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Jake Burkin
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Dec 30 2006, 01:34 AM
Post #1
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PRW's Innovator of Submission
- Posts:
- 1,622
- Group:
- Superstars
- Member
- #139
- Joined:
- April 5, 2006
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I so stole this one from Mimic's Facebook:
- Chris Rock
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"Screw a gun tax, there should be a bullet tax. Make a bullet cost $5,000, then there wont be any more innocent bystanders. When someone gets shot, you'll know that they fucked up. You'll see a drive by, and be like "damn, he must of done something bad, they put $50,000 worth of bullets in his ass". Then you'll have people in a fight saying "boy watch yourself, or I'll cap your ass..if I could afford it. First I'm going to save from my job, then get a second job and once i get enough money, you better watch you ass."
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- Sniper
- Mar 4 2007, 04:29 PM
I like to think I learn something from every thread I visit. This thread has taught me that Paint can have an abortion.
- Aries
- May 31 2010 12:08 PM
CLUE: PRW EDITION; IT WAS RUSS, WITH THE VOLKSWAGON, IN THE PARKING LOT
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Godfather
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Dec 30 2006, 02:14 AM
Post #2
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Don of PRW
- Posts:
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- Superstar
- Member
- #46
- Joined:
- September 15, 2005
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From Lewis Black:
"...But maybe there is a group of gay banditos. Who, every night, get together and dress up in their matching black cloaks and pumps -very tasteful- and they get in their van. They drive from village to dell looking for a house where, in the window, they can see a family sitting down to their meal in the dining room. And these queers -theeeese queers- run up to the door, bust in and start.....FUCKING EACH OTHER IN THE ASS!
And another American family is destroyed!"
Hope that doesn't offend anyone, but I think that is hilarious.
Long Live Lewis Black!
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Caje
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Dec 30 2006, 04:13 AM
Post #3
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IT'S STILL REAL TO ME DAMMIT!
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- The Godfather
- Dec 30 2006, 03:14 AM
From Lewis Black:
"...But maybe there is a group of gay banditos. Who, every night, get together and dress up in their matching black cloaks and pumps -very tasteful- and they get in their van. They drive from village to dell looking for a house where, in the window, they can see a family sitting down to their meal in the dining room. And these queers -theeeese queers- run up to the door, bust in and start.....FUCKING EACH OTHER IN THE ASS!
And another American family is destroyed!"
And I'd like to add that before anyone does get offended, Black was being very sarcastic there. It was still funny as hell.
Here's a few from Denis Leary;
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We live in a country where John Lennon takes six bullets in the chest, Yoko Ono was standing right next to him, not ONE FUCKING BULLET! Explain that to me God!!!
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Every time you hear about some famous guy overdosing on drugs, it's always some really talented guy. It's always like Len Bias, or Janis Joplin, or Jimi Hendrix, or John Belushi. You know what I mean? The people you wanna have overdose on drugs never would! Like Motley Crue would never fucking overdose man, never!
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You all have that friend who's quitting it. I quit smoking. I quit drinking. I quit meat, and I feel great. I get up in at six in the morning and have a nice big bowl of oat bran. Then I go to the bathroom for three and a half hours. I eat another bowl of oat bran and go back into the bathroom for six more hours. All I do is eat and shit, I'm gonna live forever! My colon's the strongest muscle in my body right now. I could pass Elvis through my colon!
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Jerry Lewis has been married twenty times. He gets married on a Tuesday, they find his wife dead in a swimming pool on Thursday. Maybe if you married someone who's old enough to swim next time, ok Jerry?
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 PRW Record: 41-26-1
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Godfather
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Dec 30 2006, 12:24 PM
Post #4
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Don of PRW
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- 1,078
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- Superstar
- Member
- #46
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- September 15, 2005
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^^^^^ Thanks for giving my post some clarity, Caje. ^^^^^
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roberts
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Dec 30 2006, 01:06 PM
Post #5
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Unregistered
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Dane Cook:
And the pickles......the pickles!
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Caje
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Jan 1 2007, 05:15 PM
Post #6
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IT'S STILL REAL TO ME DAMMIT!
- Posts:
- 6,555
- Group:
- Superstar
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- #2
- Joined:
- June 14, 2005
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Here's some Dennis Miller.
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Economists predict that this year's federal surplus will be $120 billion less than predicted in January. The missing $120 billion was reportedly last seen on a date with Congressman Gary Condit.
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A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away.
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If you get to be thirty-five and your job still involves wearing a name tag, you've probably made a serious vocational error.
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Teresa Lewis, the only woman on death row in Virginia, says she doesn't deserve the death penalty because she only hired the killers of her husband and stepson, she didn't actually pull the trigger herself. You know, she has a point. I think we should let her be able to hire the person who executes her, and not do yourself in! How's that, doll? Yeah! Get it over with quick, maybe Charlize Theron will sign up to play you.
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The current tax code is harder to understand than Bob Dylan reading Finnegans Wake in a wind tunnel.
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 PRW Record: 41-26-1
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