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Allow Me To Help You; Nebraska Jones Speaks!
Topic Started: Nov 16 2015, 02:11 PM (69 Views)
Joey NOX
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OVER 9000!!!
Our segment begins in the home of one Joey NOX. Perhaps more importantly, it begins in the basement of NOX's house. In her unofficial mancave, Nebraska Jones is sitting on the futon watching the action play out between Delilah Hansen and Sylvia Wrath from Wild Hearts. Sipping on a mimosa and rocking her Black Ops III shirt (swag), Nebraska's eyes are entirely on the TV screen with great attention to detail being poured on the action. That is, of course, until she "suddenly" becomes aware of the camera on her. Giving a fake shocked expression, Nebraska Jones pauses the video and puts her drink down. She flashes a smile and a wave before rolling into her words, speaking jubilantly and bubbly.


Nebraska Jones: Well hello there PRW! It is I, the Money Making Swan of Pro Wrestling, the Hashtag Princess and the Brilliant Pair Boss, Nebraska Jones! As you can tell, I'm in my lair doing my hard work before the El Foro Showdown match with Delilah Hansen. I know few of you are giving me a chance in hell at picking up the win but I think I'm aimed to surprise. I've been watching a lot of film, working on my Gotch Piledrivers and practicing all of the flips I can muster up to prep for this big match with the dirty evil foreigner Swede! Now with that said, I'm actually hear to talk about a different match that caught my eye.


Nebraska Jones picks up the remote, presses a button and the match has changed. Gone is the super awesome battle between Delilah and Wrath and now we've got a brand new match that occurred recently on the house show loop. It's Heltu vs Dixie Lanford now and Nebraska Jones' "mmmmmm" suggests she's satisfied with what she's seeing. Either that or she still has that hitachi wand somewhere. Nebraska Jones puts the remote down and points at the TV while looking into the camera. She smirks slightly and then goes back to speaking, the sounds of the match acting as her background.


Nebraska Jones: This is the match! It's Dixie Lanford taking on Heltu which you can see on PRW 24/7 or you can go stream it or check like Hulu or something for it. It's a good match! It's a really good match! I suppose I can begin by talking about Heltu. Heltu, who I think might be related to Ata Tatupu, Heltupu? Whatever. Heltu, I know what it's like to be the new girl on the block and I know what it's like to lose. A lot. You did good though and just know that if you keep on trying, you'll eventually break through. PRW is a lot dating! The more you try, the more desperate ya get! The more desperate you get, the more you get used to HOW you're failing and correct it. Once ya correct it, you get laid! Win friggin' win!


So while Heltu or Heeltoe or Heltupu really did impress me, I have to admit I was watching for different reasons. I was watching to check out one Dixie Lanford.



As if an idea has popped into her head, Nebraska Jones smirks. She places her index finger on her lips and tilts her head sideways. After a few seconds of silence, she points at the camera again and wags her finger. You can sense that the wheels in her head are turning as she shakes her finger before she adds more to the discussion.


Nebraska Jones: You know something? This Dixie reminds me of ANOTHER Dixie I know. Oddly enough they're BOTH in the same business! See Dixie Lanford, you remind me of that other Dixie in pro wrestling in quite a few interesting ways. See like that Dixie, you seem like a very nice lady. You clearly have a passion for this whole wrestling game and that makes me happy. Like that other Dixie, you're from the South and wear your Southern pride well enough I guess. I've seen far too many pictures of you around farm animals to let you around my pets, if I had any at least, but you seem like a nice Southern belle! Like that other Dixie, you're clearly talented enough to have made it this far in life in your respected field.


That said like the OTHER Dixie, you seem confused. Confused is not very good in the wrestling business.



Nebraska tsk tsks it up and shakes her head. She gives the camera a finger wag and then sighs mightily. Using her hands as point illustrators, a move she seems to have stolen from Joey NOX, Nebraska cotinues onward while the match plays in the background.


Nebraska Jones: See Dixie some people might not be listening to you but I am. I've been listening to you and like the other Dixie, you're saying a lot of nothing and a whole lot of something all at once. You're confused! Like a fratbro at a circle jerk, you're not quite sure if THIS is the right idea but once Jeremy grabs your piece, I mean it's kind of on at this point isn't it? You're a confused little chicken in a world of full of wolves! That's not a good way to live your life, Dixie!


You're confused because I can tell you are. I've watched a lot of Criminal Minds and it's amazing how much you pick up on what people are really thinking when they talk. Here's your deal, Dix. You want to stop Joey NOX from returning because you saw the destruction he laid out previously. I get that. I understand it because I was a Gemma fan and a Wrath fan long before I was Joey NOX's best buddy. I saw what he did up close and personal, I FOUGHT against him verbally on mutliple occasions and whether people realize it or not, I was as anti-NOX as you were. I get your argument and I feel your sentiment! The reality though is that that Joey NOX has long since gone. He's dead, much like his chances of winning a title are. -Nebraska gives the camera a Reigns cringe- The reality, Dixie, is that you're fighting against something that no longer exists. You're a cute little Don Quixote battling windmills and invisible dragons that happen to look like 6'3 people from New York! You're...just confused, Dixie



Nebraska takes a slight second to let those words sink and then shakes her head slowly. After that slight interlude, a pregnant pause if you will, she continues onward using her best soft maternal voice.


Nebraska Jones: You're worried about Joey NOX? Why not put your efforts towards something more beneficial for you? Why not go after ACTUAL evil people in PRW? You've got Alice Harris, Bane, Manik Mercer, Jesse Drive, Alice Harris, Alice Harris, Kim Kaos, Suzy Conrad, Alice Harris, Razer, Alice Harris, the Wild Tigers, ALICE HARRIS! You have real people who are doing REAL bad right now in PRW but you're after Joey NOX? And why? Because Haruna got hurt? Because you want to protect people from winding up like Haruna? Well if that's the case then why dont you go after the Urashima Strong gym because everyone who comes out of that place seems to have some kind of problem. If that's the case, go get Carlos because the Renegades did a number on Haruna too. If that's the case, go after Tsukishima or Hikaru Shida who preyed on Haruna and her fragile psyche? Why are you picking Joey NOX for your targets? Why not just..I dunno...fight everybody?


It's because while your intentions are good, you really don't HAVE a plan. You just want to do good which is good but the Road to Hell or Iowa is paved with good intentions by good, nice people. You want to do right and think this makes sense. You're trying to avenge a friend and that is SO sweet of you! If I was Haruna, I'd be honored to call you a friend because you seem very loving and loyal. At the same I'd be embarrassed that such a friend is so idiotic and misguided that you'd allow yourself to be manipulated like this! Or maybe if I'm Haruna, that's exactly what I want. Perhaps if I'm Haruna, I don't see you as much of a friend at all...



Nebraska tilts her head and gives the camera a look that basically says exactly what she's thinking. with a wicked smirk, Nebraska adjusts her hands on her lap and speaks calmly and rationally.


Nebraska Jones: Dixie, take it from somebody who is smart enough to see the forest through the trees here. This isn't going to end well for you if you keep it up like this. You're burning your fanbase. You're going from the cute annoying chick to JUST the annoying chick. I have dudes on tumblr callin you "Hicksie Landfill" and that's not nice at all. More importantly? You're beginning to irritate me with your jabs at the dude who saved my life essentially. Now I've already been told to not attack you or fight you because Joey's an idiot but do understand this: the PRW locker room is a small world. The more you push this, the more the locker room shrinks and EVENTUALLY you and I will be meeting face to face at some point somewhere. I know you might not think that's intimidating but you'll be surprised how quickly I can kick somebody in the face these days. And how hard too.


The wrestling business already has ONE Dixie who is going to be out the door. I don't want you to be the second.



Nebraska Jones puts her middle finger up to her lips and kisses it. She blows a kiss to the camera and then grabs her mimosa off the table and then takes a sip for the camera, throwing in a wink to boot. She turns to face the television and goes back to watching Heltu vs Dixie before the camera fades out.
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