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| Forgotten Angels -Applications- | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 29 2006, 07:39 AM (3,110 Views) | |
| Digitaldreamer | Mar 4 2006, 01:06 AM Post #76 |
Friendly Neighborhood GM
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Kyaaaa! I’m so sorry! I completely forgot all about your application! Gomen nasai, gomen nasai! *bows* Right…onto your character’s, nnn… Well, overall he’s alright, but…well, it’s the whole “Created directly by God” thing that gets me. It just…it’s Stu-ish. I’m gonna have to say cut it out, maybe make Mojo like, a descendent of the dragon’s created by God since generally all species start from there. Also, I’ll have to say no to the healing thing. We already have two healers, having a third one who can do it already just sort of seems to lessen their purpose. Sorry about that. Yes, he is overpowered. And I don’t care if he’s going to be woozy for the first few days, that won’t effect when things actually start happening, which will be a long, long time from now. Power him down. Lastly, I need more explanation on the history…why did Mojo lose his mind when his lover beat the demon guy? Elaborate more on that and why it would cause him not to trust people, please. Right, on to Dash… Personality needs flaws…also going to have to say no on the telepathy thing, it’s just kind of random. I admit I do like your characters and your style, though your spelling could use some work. My co-GM of sorts, however, worries that you won’t be able to play with believable realism. The way your character’s are a set up, there’s a lot of room for you to God-mode and do those things such as “OMG KNOW PLOT POINTS MAGICALLY~!” and such. Basically, if you play these character’s, you’re going to have to be very careful. You’re going to have to improve a lot from where you’re at now. Normally, I would say no period and not even give you a chance to make corrections…but I like you and think you have potential. If you make the necessary corrections and I let you in, I think it would be good for you and your writing could seriously improve. But…if you do join, that means I will be giving constant criticism in an attempt to help and as I stated before, you’ll have to be very careful to not make your character’s out to be Stu’s or Godmode. So…yeah…you up for making the revisions and all that? |
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~*Forum Queen*~ ZoLu is <3!  
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| Ka Tokubi | Mar 8 2006, 01:20 AM Post #77 |
Godforsaken Scapegoat
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Name: Ouiisshou Age: 16 Gender: Male Race/Species: Human Distinguishing Marks: None Anime/Manga/Whatever they're from: OC Family: 12 yr old brother Genjin, Uncle(mother's side) Ken Likes: Sketching, practicing kendo, having a party Dislikes: Traitors, teenage moodswings, being weak, being stupid Fav. Saying: ">__> leave me alone, I'm antisocial." (which is not necessarily the case, it's simply to get rid of annoying people) Hobbies: see "likes" Physical Weaknesses: Pride, too much emotion(or lacktherof), thinking too much when not needed, lack of thinking when really needed, is not particularly good at team work Physical Strengths: Determination, loyalty, honesty Weapon: Anything katana shaped, and also can do some fist fighting(simply cuz he's a boy) Physical Description: eye color: dark brown hair color: bluish-greenish black tied back but obviously not very well since it keeps falling out and getting in his face still... height: 5ft 4in weight: 118Lb clothing: White T-shirt, ripped blue jeans, two black bracelets and a rubber orange bracelet, black matial arts shoes, red bandana headband, and black string necklace w/ hematite pendant shaped like a sword or pointed cross, earing in his left ear Personality: Serious(maybe a little too serious about things one shouldn't be serious about?), artistic, dreamer, thinker(but somehow never when it's important), a little wild but still trying to be traditional, emotional History: Ouiisshou's town was destroyed by the "angel." He and his brother were one of the few survivors. They were both very depressed but they had always had a close relationship, so the fact that they had eachother kept they from being completely destroyed emotionally. He and his younger brother were sent to live with his mother's brother in another city. Ouiisshou had never been very good at making friends, and the trauma of his family's death only made it worse. Ouiisshou did not remain alone for too long, though. He soon made a friend named Namo. Ouiisshou liked him a lot because he was quiet and a hard worker. Namo had his own problems, though. Namo, who had always been a bit on the nerdy side, one day decided to change his problems. He "made friends" with some more "cool" and wild kids. Ouiisshou's respect for him dropped and they drifted apart. One day Namo decided that being friends with Ouiisshou held him back. He started snubbing him before classes and giving him dirty looks in the halls. Ouiisshou was confused and devistated. This one boy who he had loved amost as much as his brother, who finally gave him someone to talk to had betrayed him! This sent him back to his state of depression and now, also, anger. After his grades started dropping and he had gotten into several fights, both he and his uncle decided it was best to pull him out of the school. To have a new start, he now goes to Yume high. He feels a little better away from the bad memories, but he also misses his brother a lot and writes to him often. Both he and his brother had loved kendo before their home had been destroyed. They hadn't been able to pick it up again with all the confusion of moving and dealing with their parents' death. Soon after he started living in Sakura no Yume, he and his brother(through the letters and emails) both decided to start kendo again. He loves it because it remindes him of his brother. |
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| Digitaldreamer | Mar 8 2006, 01:44 AM Post #78 |
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Friendly Neighborhood GM
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Everything seems fine except for the physical weaknesses and strengths thing...those aren't physical, those are psychological. ^^;; Come up with some physical ones, please. |
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~*Forum Queen*~ ZoLu is <3!
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| Ka Tokubi | Mar 8 2006, 01:55 AM Post #79 |
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Godforsaken Scapegoat
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Wha? You let me in last time!...I only changed a couple things, his age and his history!...okay...fine...I wrote he had athsma in the last one...but it was too hard to work it. His emotional stuff made much more of an impact than anything else...fine... He's strong but he's not that strong(because he'd always been weak for his age). He's can get tired easily but when he wants something he can usually overcome this even if it hurts him(-___- just speaking from former experience here...). |
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| Digitaldreamer | Mar 8 2006, 02:08 AM Post #80 |
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Friendly Neighborhood GM
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I did? Strange, I swear there was more... Alright, that's fine, Ouiishou's in. |
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~*Forum Queen*~ ZoLu is <3!
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| Ka Tokubi | Mar 8 2006, 02:19 AM Post #81 |
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Godforsaken Scapegoat
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Okay, thank you...anyway...here's a direct copy off of the original:
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| Digitaldreamer | Mar 8 2006, 02:40 AM Post #82 |
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Friendly Neighborhood GM
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The entire reason I allowed Ouiishou into the OP RP was because of the asthma and because you seemed so damn determined to get in. ^^;; |
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~*Forum Queen*~ ZoLu is <3!
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| Ka Tokubi | Mar 8 2006, 03:15 AM Post #83 |
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Godforsaken Scapegoat
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O.o...okay...well...that one thing didn't really do anything in the story(and probably never would) so I figured cutting out one little factor wouldn't do too much. So I guess you were just being nice to me then  ...but he was played okay, right? I mean, he wasn't overpowered or anything -'____-'...right? Basically what I tried to do was wear him out a little faster than the other charactors I think...
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| Takumi | Mar 18 2006, 08:36 PM Post #84 |
Christian
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Okay, this isn't actually an application, but actually a question about something. I remember Digi and Kaya talking about some sort of "Forgotton Angels Album" or something. Are we supposed to be working on it, or is the idea pretty much scrapped? If we're still doing it, what are we supposed to do? Should we just rip a character's "theme song" from a cd we have, or can we only write the song ourselves(and make it into an mp3)? If scrapped, then never mind (I still think it's an awesome idea, though)
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When calamity comes, the wicked are brought down, but even in death the righteous have a refuge. --Proverbs 14:32 
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| Kaya | Mar 18 2006, 10:46 PM Post #85 |
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Emergency food supply
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'Tis not scrapped, not scrapped at all. Although, this really isn't the thread to talk about it. Then again, there really isn't anywhere else to, so eh. If you want to write your own song and stuff, that'd be totally awesome, but for the less musically talented of us, just find a song that you think fits your character. The lyrics don't have to be an exact match for your character or anything, heck knows song writers get kind of random now and then, mostly make sure the mood of the piece describes your character's personality or 'theme'. That make any sense? When Crys comes back I'll ask her about making a thread for this, we've got to start getting it organized.... |
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| strawhatpirate | Mar 25 2006, 11:59 PM Post #86 |
Emergency food supply
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Name: Genjin Age: 12 Gender: Male Race/Species: Radiated Human Distinguishing Marks: no Anime/Manga/Whatever they're from: OC Family: 16 yr old brother Ouiisshou, Uncle(mother's side) Ken Likes: Kendo, his brother, animals, friends Dislikes: people who are mean and when his brother is mean Fav. Saying: "That's cool!" Hobbies: Kendo, playing with his brother Physical Weaknesses: He's incoordinated and inexperienced Physical Strengths: He's fast and strong for his age Powers (if any): He doesn't know know about it yet. It is the ability to make things teleport randomly. He can't control when or where that thing goes but it doesn't go any further than 1/2 mile Weapon: Anything katana shaped, and fist fights and he bites people O.o... Physical Description: Eye color: Green Hair color: Light brown Height: 5 ft Weight: 90lb Clothes: White T-shirt, jeans shorts, Ouiisshou's other earring, comfy sandals Personality: Shy but likes to make friends, generally happy and energetic History: Same as Ouiisshou's but when the angel attacked, something strange happened and he became like one of the seirei radiated people. |
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| Duo Himura | Apr 3 2006, 04:18 AM Post #87 |
The Betrayer of the People and a Tyranical Capitalist Pig-Dog
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Okay, so I'm stepping in for Digi here because the RP section has a few things that need to be dealt with at the moment and it's late and we both need to go to bed, so we're splitting things up. Crad... where do I begin? I guess in order is the best way to do this... Okay, so you're good up until "Family." For starters, not knowing your own family AT ALL, is really uncommon, and needs to be explained. Obviously his family existed at some point, for him to have been born, so what happened to them that made it so he doesn't know them? I might even recommend taking that bit out and creating a family for him, but he's your character. This stuff can go in his history or under family, but it needs to be in there somewhere. For likes, all you put is "fighting." Now, I'll be the first to admit that defining a characters likes and dislikes is hard and often awkward, but surely your character has something else that he enjoys other than fighting? It doesn't have to be complicated or whatever, but it helps define his personality to know what sort of things he enjoys or doesn't enjoy. Okay, here we have a conflict between Dislikes, and favorite saying. For starters, all you said for dislikes was "stupid noobs who think that they can beat anything." That's not much of a dislike... I can see how that sort of person would annoy someone (by the way, never use the term noob when writing a character, unless that character is calling someone a noob over the internet. Just... it doesn't sound right), but that doesn't help define your character's personality, beyond that incompetent, overconfident people annoy him. But my major problem is that he acts like overconfidence annoys him, then your favorite saying "I'll give you a 15-second head start to run" (by the way, capital letters and punctuation are your friends) is pratically the essence of being overconfident, that is, the attitude "I could kill you now, but I'm going to choose to spare you." You see the problem here, no? Now, for hobbies you have again, just fighting. Surely your character does SOMETHING when he can't fight to entertain himself? Physical weakness and Physical Strength I'm going to combine. Okay, I understand that half of his soul is gone. I don't AGREE with it, but we'll get to that later. Point is, HOW is having half of his soul gone a physical strength? And how is "having his soul restored" a weakness? Under what circumstances would that happen if he supposedly sold half of his soul for more power? However, I wouldn't dwell on that if I were you, because you're either going to have to majorly modify this or throw it out altogether. Powers: The ONLY, and I mean ONLY, time that you can EVER choose to not reveal something about your character is if you clear it with the GM first, in this case Digitaldreamer. I full appreciate wanting to surprise other people, but you can't keep secrets from the person who has to run the game. Also... No. Just... no. You can't have the power to morph into any creature at all, and you can't have power over every element. Having power over one element is a very strong ability as it is, all of them is just FAR too overpowered, and then you added something ELSE on to that (technically TWO somethings...). I'll pick apart how he got these powers in just a minute here. Phyiscal description: Meh.. this is passable, more detail wouldn't be a bad thing, though. Personality: Needs some more detail. It's hard to reduce a character's personality to a few sentences, but yours DOES NOT define his personality, it defines a few specific conditions and his reactions to them, sort of. History: Where to begin? Ugh... Okay, I'll go through this point by point, I guess. For starters, there are no Devil Fruits in the world of Forgotten Angels. Your character can originally be from another world, but you have to state this SOMEWHERE. Not to mention how the character got to the world where FA is set in the first place, presumably from the world of One Piece, since you said he has a Devil Fruit. Now, here's another problem... Devil Fruits grant only one power (at least, as far as I've seen, which should be enough to know). You can't have two powers from one Devil Fruit, it doesn't work that way. So controlling vines OR the power to shapeshift, your choice. Also, the type of Devil Fruits that enable shape-shifting (Logia?) allow you to assume one of 3 forms, your original state, the form of one animal, and a hybrid of human and animal (Mr. 2's Devil Fruit power doesn't really qualify for this, I believe). Moving on, there are no Gods who take an active role in the world of One Piece. That is to say, there are no mystic islands that no one has heard about where "Gods" will cut deals with mortals to grant them powers that go far beyond what we consider overpowered. Now, some other problems with this are that, even if there was an island like that, why would the trade be for only half of his soul? The trade can't take 'half' of his Devil Fruit power, because he can only have one, and it's impossible to 'reduce an ability by half,' really. There is also nothing that can alter a Devil Fruit's power. Its powers can be used in new ways, but what it does, in essence, will always be the same, you can't 'advance' it. I have no problem with your character being an amnesiac, but you need to talk to Digi about it, and establish that he does HAVE a past. Otherwise his lack of memory just becomes a convenient plot device that stops you from having to fully develop your character, and sorry, but this RP is looking for people who are going to be dedicated to playing well, at least, to a degree. Also, as a general comment, punctuation and grammar are your friends. Don't neglect your friends. If I missed anything, I'm sure Digi or I will spot it tomorrow, it's late, I'm going to bed. Strawhatpirate: If Digi hasn't looked your application over yet, I'll remind her to do it next time we're both on, or take care of it myself, depending on how things go. One of us should be able to check it out tomorrow, though. |
 Aku Soku Zan.  Can I get a "Sieg Zeon"? Cibo canem domare potes... Pecunia hominem domare potes... Sed nemo et nihil Mibuis Lupos movere potest! | |
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| Saiyako | Apr 3 2006, 12:45 PM Post #88 |
Glorious Rebel
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Crad... Punctuation. Capitalisation. These things are your friends. They make your posts readable. Please use them if you want to RP with us. And if it seems like Duo and Digi are being strict with you... yes. They are. They have to be, if FA is going to work... that's just how running an RPG goes. |
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I've felt this way before. The world goes deafeningly silent. I hear my heartbeat thundering in my ears. This must truly be... the brink of death. I hear it. The breath of his steel. A katana follows will... All that's left... is to see if I truly have the power to cut steel. | |
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| Duo Himura | Apr 3 2006, 08:19 PM Post #89 |
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The Betrayer of the People and a Tyranical Capitalist Pig-Dog
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Oh, yes, proper punctuation is a must. Digi will give herself a migrane feeling guilty about it, but I will come out and say that this RP is "literate-only," meaning that, to keep things moving and whatnot, you're going to be expected to spell relatively well, and use spellcheck if you just aren't good, and use proper punctuation and grammar. And... um... no, Devil Fruits have nothing to do with giving you a "demon" inside of you. The legend is that they're the Sea God's treasures, so if you eat one, he will reject you, and you can never swim again, but they just give you those abilities. I'm pretty sure nothing has been said officially as to how they do it, but hey, it's One Piece, the laws of physics apply only enough to keep gravity more-or-less opperational. |
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Aku Soku Zan. Can I get a "Sieg Zeon"? Cibo canem domare potes... Pecunia hominem domare potes... Sed nemo et nihil Mibuis Lupos movere potest! | |
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| Ka Tokubi | Apr 3 2006, 08:27 PM Post #90 |
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Godforsaken Scapegoat
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Duo-sama, would you please check Strawhatpirate-chan's application? Thank you! |
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