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Shut it Out, Shut it Off; garnet kirsch || closed
Topic Started: May 10 2009, 05:20 PM (104 Views)
Indigo
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» bye-bye lover
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[align=right]fall 1st | 7:30 PM
munich, germany ;; age 10[/align]
"Yes... yes, I understand. Good luck then. Hehe. See you soon, sweetheart."

Garnet drew her brow closer together. She was still perfecting her English, so the word 'sweetheart' was not in her vocabulary. But given the context, the loving tone, and knowing who her mother had been talking to... her ignorance to the word was irrelevant. It must have been some sort of term of endearment, seemingly for someone sweet and... heartful. A fair description, she thought, for the person on the other end of the line: her mother's favourite, her mother's dear and wonderful Sierra. With a sigh, Garnet leaned back in her chair and glanced around the empty dining room where she sat. The night's dinner had been laid out, but none of it touched. Her gaze fell to the cold and uneaten plate of food in front of her. Just before she and her mother were about to start the meal, the phone rang. Dia Kirsch answered it, both expecting it to be and knowing it was Sierra. Then started the string of idle chit chat, followed by interesting stories, then concerns, and who knows what came after that.

It was only now, an hour later, that her mother returned for dinner.

The tall, slight blonde stopped in the doorway and looked at the scene before her. Her expression was blank, almost surprised. Garnet looked up at her, hoping to see her mother's sharp features soften... only to watch them flicker into irritation. "Why have you not eaten?" she barked, speaking in harsh German now. "Do you dislike my cooking that much? Do you enjoy pissing me off?" Her mother, uttering a frustrated curse, grabbed their plates and slopped the food back onto their respective serving dishes. "Honestly, now it's all cold..."

Garnet turned her face towards the table as her mother swept out of the room, carrying the dishes to reheat them. This left the young girl sitting alone again at the long, ten-seater table. Around her, the looming cabinets and strange, abstract paintings set up the haunting walls to her prison. She allowed her eyes to fall to her lap. She felt so... small. She imagined this was how the spider she once caught in a jar felt. Trapped in a place that was so full of sticks and leaves, yet still so empty and lonely.

As she sighed once more, her mother returned in the doorway. She folded her arms and leaned against the doorframe, her thin eyebrows knitted together. "Your sister is doing well," she said matter-of-factly. "She tells me her modelling and her dancing are both doing successfully." At this, Garnet gave a small, slow nod. Her eyes drifted into her lap once more, and narrowed slightly as her mother continued. "You know, not many people can handle multiple fields of skill. Not without breaking down, or suffering in one. Your sister, though, is one of them." Yes, so she had heard many, many times before... Although the girl did not look up, she could sense her mother sit down across from her. Her eyes flickered up to meet her gaze, before they swiftly jumped back down. She could feel the lecture building momentum... after this soft, 'I'm-nagging-because-I-care' part, it would really start rolling. The worst thing about it, though, was how long her mother paused before starting. It was so nerve-wracking...

After a minute or so of quiet (an average time, she noted), Dia went on. "You know, Garnet," she began, her voice surprisingly soft and even sweet. "You can be like that, too. You can be amazing - you have the potential and the genes to be. Do you know that?"

It always started off like this. These lectures were all basically the same, just said with slightly different wording. It was nice now, but very shortly... Garnet felt tears begin to well up behind her eyes as memories of the last one rushed into her head. Her mother's red, yelling face... the harsh, barking words... She bit her lip, forcing tears back. Oh, the words... how she wanted to rid them from her head. How she wanted to shake them off... oh, but they were seared into her memory. Burned into her brain. They were stuck there.

Just before Garnet descended further into her bad memories, her mother's voice pulled her back out. Which was both a curse and a blessing. "Well, do you?" The sweet and tender tone was quickly dissolving into an angrier, more aggressive one.

The question was, should she speak or not? If she was silent, perhaps she could stop the lecture... But, no, when she thought about it she realized that it would probably only speed it up. So, hesitantly, she responded. "Y-yes... I know."

"So..." The girl would hear the kindness in her mother's voice already disappearing. It was slipping off like sheepskin and revealing the beast, the hungry and vicious wolf underneath. Garnet gripped at her shirt, shrinking into herself in anticipation for the haranguing. But it was then that her mother ordered her to straighten up - "Sit properly, your posture is sloppy enough." - before she continued. "Why don't you try to fulfill that potential? Why don't you try being more of a woman, and being interested in things that normal girls like? I don't see why you like your machines and your disgusting bugs all the time! They're filthy. They're pointless. You'll get nowhere with them. Do you want to amount to nothing?"

There was only right response. "N-no..."

Her mother's chair screeched against the floor as the woman stood up. "So then why do you continue with this? I try, and try and I try to help you! But you still resist. You still do such stupid things." The woman's volume was quickly growing now, her voice becoming shriller and more upset. "You say one thing but you do another. You know what that makes you?" The table shook as the blonde woman slammed a fist on it. "A liar! A filthy, dirty liar."

As much as she wanted to stand up and to scream in protest... she didn't. In the beginning, she had. Then after a while she became afraid to. And now, Garnet knew it was hopeless and didn't bother. In fact, she was beginning to tune out her mother. Why listen to something painful if you know it will hurt? It wasn't like she could do anything about it either besides sit there, and give the same responses over and over. Talk back? Like that had ever made things better. Cry? Same effect. She knew what was coming, and she knew how it would go. So, she didn't care to emotionally and mentally involve herself in these lashings anymore. No good came out of it, after all. Thus, Garnet decided it was best to try flipping on cruise control this time.

And so she did. Garnet slowly lifted her face, meeting her mother's hot glare. "Why can't you be more like your sister? Honest, and beautiful, and talented! Why did I have to have a child like you? And for that matter, why do I have to bother keeping and caring for a strange, useless girl?" The words reached her ears, but for once, their did not stab at her heart.

"Why did God curse me with this screw-up child," her mother finished in a growl, before storming off into the kitchen to retrieve their now reheated food.

Leaving Garnet alone, again. But no longer sad. At that moment she was no longer... much of anything, really.
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