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Cam's Hard Apple Cider
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Topic Started: May 31 2012, 02:42 AM (134 Views)
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Deleted User
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May 31 2012, 02:42 AM
Post #1
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Deleted User
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Cam Worley sits on the front porch of the Worley Family Trailer drinking from Dixie cup. He smiles as he sees the camera coming in and tries to stand up, almost managing to take a header off the steps. His brother Shawn walks through the front door and steadies Cam long enough to smile and greet his future customer.
Cam: Howdy... how's y'all doin, this here fon evnin? Me? Weyell.. ahm jess a little...
Cam almost falls over again, obviously intoxicated.
Cam: Let me ax y'all a qwezion... y'all lack drankin?
He pauses, a knowing grin on his face.
Cam: Heyell, y'all lack drankin.. wal who da heyell don?
Shawn shrugs.
Shawn: Don evabody?
Cam nods taking another shot from his Dixie cup before firing it down.
Cam: You daaaaaam, rat! An if y'all's lack us...
Shawn gives him a look and cam shrugs, laughing.
Cam: Ok, if'n y'all be lackin' t'git fucked up... have we got da shit fur ju!
Shawn nods and picks up the bottle of amber liquid with Cam Worley's face on it.
Cam: Dam prod to intraduce, Cam's Hod Apple Cid'r!
Shawn looks over at his brother in mock suprise.
Shawn: But Cam.. ain't we fans of Pappy's Pepsi?
Cam nods.
Cam: Yeyes, but dis haz m'own flava plus it be mo pot'n den anithin own da markit t'day!
Shawn places his hand on his heart while keeping a firm grip on the bottle.
Shawn: Weyell, whut dat mean, Cam?
Cam smiles.
Cam: It means ju be gittin fucked fass fur less money!
Shawn's jaw drops as he looks to the sky, thanking god for such a killer raw golden gift of mayhem in a bottle! Cam nods knowingly, smiling like the perfect down home used car salesman.
Cam: An don y'all fogit t'cum on down to the Cam's Apples sto at...
He looks down to make sure he gets the URL right.
Cam: Dubya, dubya, dubya dot, Miss Nessa dun po'e sum shoga own me doc com fo all yo Cam's Candid Apples needs!
Shawn looks up at his brother, frowning.
Shawn: Dat be rail Miss Nessa shoga dun bin po'd own yo apples?
Cam nods, smiling from ear to ear.
Cam: Sho nuff! Rat fum her vary own hunaypot!
Shawn: Ju din' git no muffins?
Cam nods happily again.
Cam: Dey wuz rat naz!
Shawn nods like he doesn't really believe his brother at all.
Shawn: Rand'r'd spaechlis?
Cam nods again.
Cam: Weyell m'salty nuts'll do dat!
Shawn smiles and looks into the camera.
Shawn: Ju can bah all of dis n'mo at... wha wuz dat addris gin?
Cam looks down at his hand.
Cam: Dubya, dubya, dubya dot, Miss Nessa dun po'e sum shoga own me doc com fo dat all-nachal, don home flav'r of Cam's Hod Apple Cid'r and Cam's Worl-famis Candid Apples wit genyin Miss Nessa Shoga!
Shawn holds up the bottle and the camera zooms in on the face on the label.
Cam: Y'all cum back na, y'hear!
As the camera freezes a decidedly non-southern voice can be heard speaking.
Professional Voice: That's www. MissNessaDonePouredSomeSugarOnMe.com for all of your “Cam's Apples” products including “Cam's Hard Apple Cider,” “Cam's Candied Apples with Natural Miss Nessa Sugar” and “Cam's Salty Nuts” all avilable in Mayhem, Killer and Raw sizes! Remember that's www. MissNessaDonePouredSomeSugarOnMe.com!
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