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Grew Up A Screw Up
Topic Started: May 30 2012, 01:29 AM (188 Views)
Outkast
NEWera Rookie
[ * ]
There she was curled up on her parents couch with a blanket over her legs flipping through channels on the TV. She was bored out of her mind, depressed, angry at the world. You could tell she hadn't showered in days and her Pikachu T-Shirt was spotted with Spaghetti-O stains. She didn't care though. She was convinced that this may be her life from here on out.

And of course I was watching through the front window to her parents house in San Francisco like some sort of creeper. I shook my head and knocked on the door fearing what response I would receive from those inside. Would she hate me? Would her parents hate me? I was to blame for all of this and for the first time in my life I was doubting everything.

Maybe Romeo was right about me. Hell, I knew he was right about me. All those things he said about me I had said about myself time and time again. It was one hundred percent truth but I would address him and Stall later. Right now I needed to see her. I needed to make sure she was still MY little Nikki.

In that moment, standing there on the front porch, all these thoughts came and went. It was as if my life was flashing before my eyes. Only it wasn't just my life, it was Nikki's life. All of our shared memories from watching movies late at night, keeping her up past bed time, training her to be better than me. All of this was in front of me. I may have destroyed every good thought Nikki had about me.

And then there she was. The door opened and she stood there staring at me with watery eyes. I was at a loss for words. In fact I was stumbling over my words struggling for just one thing to say. But I didn't have to. She rushed forward wrapping her arms around me. I hugged her back tight and held her close.

”I'm so sorry...”

”Stop it.”

I did. No way was I going to ruin this moment or this relationship like I had so many others in the past. I was alone for a reason you know? Not just because I chose this profession over all else. No, I was alone because I didn't know how to connect to those who loved me. Maybe it was fear or maybe I was just an idiot. I'm willing to believe the latter.

There I went over thinking it again. Nikki was here, she was safe, and she was alive. That's all that mattered.

We finally let go of each other and she moved aside to let me in.

”Mom and dad will be back later. So its just me here being super bored out of my mind.”

”Hey, its like a mini vacation. Live it up while you still can.”

She didn't want to hear that though. Her eyes narrowed in on me.

”Lame. I'd rather be in England getting ready for The London Brawl. At least then I would feel like I mattered.”

She flopped back down on the couch, moving the blanket aside so I could have a seat. My fingers nervously tapped on my thighs.

”Calm down. I'm the one with a leaky head.”

I laughed out loud. It reminded me of something totally inappropriate that only TGD would probably get. Maybe Silent K, no definitely Silent K.

”Leaky head... classic.”

”Oh I'm glad I could entertain you. At least someone is having fun around here.”

”How can you not be having fun with-”

I leaned forward to pick up the DVD cases on the coffee table in front of the couch.

”Pokemon Best Wishes: Rival Destinies... what the fuck?”

”Its super lame. Nothing compares to the original generation.”

”I heard you there.”

I had no idea what she was talking about.

”So, how is everybody? Did Rory get better?”

”Uhh, yeah. He's set to return at The Brawl. Hes been chatting up Zoe so we'll see how that goes.”

”Zoe? Isn't she with Silver?”

”Man... I don't know. The entire fed has turned into a living gossip column.”

'Well as long as they're happy that's all that matters. Is Misty and Mikey okay?”

I nodded my head yes and continued reading the back of her weird DVD's. Most of it was Japanese stuff I had never heard of. A picture on the back of one case showed a tentacle attempting to rape an animated woman.

”What the hell is this?”

”Oh that. My stupid friend from school thought it would be funny to throw in some hentai with all the DVD's I bought the other day. I didn't even know it was in there.”

”Sure you didn't.”

She hit me on the arm.

”I'm not a perve like you. Remember when you used to bring around a new girl every weekend and claim she was gonna be the one?”

Her laugh was cute and it melted my heart knowing just by me being here, someone for her to talk to she was already getting out of her depressed funk.

”Don't remind me. I was an idiot back then.”

”And you're not an idiot now?”

Her sly smile caused me to shake my head.

”Whatever. You know me, I can take sledgehammer shots over the head. I couldn't possibly kill any more brain cells.”

We went silent for a few more seconds but that last comment didn't bother her as much as I thought It would. I did wish I would have caught myself before saying it though. That was the price I paid by having an unfiltered mouth. Many wished I would just shut up while others held on to my every word.

”Yeah... I had to take it for you, loser.”

”My hero.”

She laughed, I laughed. She was starting to feel better. And when she felt better, when she was happy, I was happy. When she was sad, when she was down I was sad and down. We had always been in-sync like that. It made me think of things, things I should never think about. I quickly shook that off.

”When does the doctor say you can return officially?”

”Early July. Still too long though. I'm sitting here twiddling my thumbs counting down the days.”

She collapsed into my lap lying down pretending to die. This was awkward. My hand sort of hovered over her in a strange pattern unsure if I should touch her or not. I finally rest my hand on her head and brushed her hair back. This wasn't creepy at all.

”I'm sorry... you know... about the kiss.”

I shrugged with a sigh.

”It happens. I am damn sexy.”

”You are.”

I nearly choked on my next words.

”I'm joking, jeez.”

Another sigh of relief... or maybe a sigh of disappointment. I had been confused lately. I hadn't felt like this for years. It was like being a hormonal teenager all over again. But yeah, I should know better.

”I don't want things to change, Marc. Please don't get any weirder on me, kay?”

”I don't think its possible for me to get any weirder.”

We sat there for another hour, her lying her head in my lap with her eyes closed. Me petting her head. It just felt... right. No, I was confused. This wasn't right, not in the slightest. You practically raised her, Marc. What's wrong with you? You're sick and you deserve every terrible thing that happens to you. Every horrible thing you have ever endured is your fault because of shit like this. You are a piece of shit. You are a disgusting human being. Why do you even try to do the right thing? You were born to be a hustler, a manipulator, fucking scum of society. You used to sell ice to children. You would exchange blow jobs from crack whores for a hit. No matter how much you try to distance yourself from that you will always be a fuck up.

Snap out of it, Marc. Those days are over. That hasn't been you in years. You're in a better place doing a good thing for people. Just fucking believe in yourself.

When I awoke it was dark outside and Nikki was still asleep. Her parents weren't home yet but I knew they wouldn't appreciate me being there and in this position. I softly woke her with a shake.

”Nikki, I need to go. Your parents will be here soon.”

”No... stay...”

She spoke in a sleepy voice causing me to make a judgment call. No, I couldn't.

”I can't.”

”Who cares if my parents come home. I'm nineteen. I can have anyone I want over.”

”Nikki... I need to go. I'm sorry.”

”Fine... leave me like you always do.”

It broke my heart but leaving was the right thing to do. Hell, I don't even know what the right thing to do is anymore. As I got up and headed to the door I looked back at her. She still lie there with her eyes closed.

”I'll see you before I leave.”

She waved me off and I left closing the door behind me. But as I stood there on the porch her parents car pulled up in the driveway. Her mother came storming out of the car and right up to me with fury in her eyes.

”How dare you show yourself here. Haven't you done enough? I want you nowhere near Nikole.”

Her father Daniel, Travis Blaines brother, said nothing to me but take his wife by her shoulders and guide her back in the house. She had every right to hate me. I had every right to hate me. Now I knew how Jimmy felt.


…..............


There comes a time in a mans life where he has to ask himself if what he's doing is what he really wants to do. When I see young men like Romeo Stylez and James Stall I want to ask them that same question. And then I realize its pointless to do so. The reactions we get, the answers we seek end up being cliché and common. Of course this is what they want to do otherwise they wouldn't be here. But who's to say two years from now either will still be here. But do you know for sure who will still be here? Me.

I have no other talents or trades. I am a pro wrestler by birth and this is all I ever will be whether it be in the ring or behind the scenes. Romeo could always go back to working at McDonalds. Stall can always go back to admiring himself in the mirror for a living. They're still young and have options. To them this may just be a fun thing to pass the time with. But this is my life. I'm too old to quit and go work at Target or Wal-Mart. Every time I question James Stalls commitment its for a reason. I don't simply drag this shit out of my ass.

Not a lot bothers me, in fact little to nothing does. I will address something though. Romeo called me a liar, a fraud and I ask based on what grounds? When have I EVER lied to you? When have I EVER lead you astray? I do get the frustration and I do get the hatred for me based off what happened to Nikki. I blame myself most of all. But a liar I am not. In fact, I may be the only person in this entire company telling you the hundred percent Gods honest truth. And frankly, that's saying something.

So I'm sitting here thinking and thinking about what I could have lied about and it hit me. Romeo thinks I have feelings for Nikki and am lying when I say I don't. Look kid, you can believe me if you want, you can not believe me, it doesn't matter. The ball is in your court.

Nikki was struck down by James Stall. That shot was meant for me and you have no idea how I feel about that. I haven't slept and I haven't eaten for weeks and you dare accuse me of not having her best interest at heart? I'm the only one who has her interests in mind. I'm the only one NOT trying to get with her.

I like you Romeo, I really do. I think you have all the talent in the world and I believe you're a good guy. My problem lies with just how clouded your judgment is based off of jealousy. Yes, Nikki kissed me over you. Yes, Nikki chose me over you. Get over it little boy. Man the fuck up. You were already hating me before the shot heard round the world so no... don't act like this is something that JUST developed between you and I. Its been brewing for weeks, maybe even a month.

You think, THINK, you love Nikki. Shes cool, she likes video games, you can read comic books together but get it the FUCK together. You're what? Twenty four? You don't know what love is. See, you're not in love with Nikki, you're in love with the idea of Nikki.

And now because of this incident, we're at each others throats. And I must be the only one with my eyes wide open to see Jimmy Helmsley pulling the strings getting in each one of our ears. And look who's the special guest referee? That's right, Jimmy Helmsley. He has now weaseled his way into another position where he can politic the outcome. I've known Jimmy for years through the good and the bad. I know what he is capable of more than anyone. If you truly think he's gonna call this down the middle then you need to get your head checked. Jimmy is in Stalls corner stacking the deck against us and there is little we can do to over come the odds unless we try... TRY... to work together.

Yeah, I'm aware you would rather die then work with me, that much was proven this past week. But for the sake of Nikki Blaine you better get your head on straight and fast. Threaten me, strike me, do your worst but lets take care of Stall first. This isn't me manipulating you, Romeo, this is me pleading with you to do the right thing.

James Stall wants to pretend to be the good guy, paint everyone who had Nikki's back as some sort of legion of doom, that's fine. Anyone with half a brain can see through his bullshit. James, you're in the right? You're the good guy? I'm sure Isabel Marie agrees one hundred percent. I'm sure every non-wrestler you put your hands on last week sees you in a positive light. NEW officials are stacked in medical bills because of you your holiness. But it is nice to see Jimmy finally find a friend.

I've said enough. I can talk the talk all I want. But what matters most is me snapping your arm in half at The London Brawl.
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