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I-I-I WORK OUT!
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Topic Started: Mar 28 2012, 04:50 PM (352 Views)
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Deleted User
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Mar 28 2012, 04:50 PM
Post #1
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Deleted User
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The following is brought to you by AC Slater tight ass wrestling gear. Squeeze your balls into a singlet today!

(We begin in black and white at a cemetery somewhere in the state of Detroit. This is the same graveyard we saw Mongo and MPG in two weeks ago. The memory shows the last few people stepping away from the grave and the man that was watching from afar slowly walking towards it. We cannot see the man’s face or anything else that tells us who he is. For now we will assume that it’s Mongo as a young man and the grave belongs to someone special in his life. Right on cue the wind picks up and begins to howl. This memory has been playing through Mongo’s mind for nearly three months now for reasons unknown to him or to us. The man stands over the grave covering the name on the tombstone. The man lowers his head and takes a deep breath.)
Unknown Man – Good-bye my friend.
(The scene immediately cuts to the MPG Co. logo.)

(AHHH) GIRL LOOK AT THAT BODY (AHHH) GIRL LOOK AT THAT BODY (AHHH) GIRL LOOK AT THAT BODY
I-I-I WORK OUT
I’M SEXY AND I KNOW IT!
Voice Over – Are you making the money you thought you would as a superstar? No, I didn’t think so. Call MPG Co. today and watch your bank account rise.
WIGGLE, WIGGLE, WIGGLE, WIGGLE, WIGGLE
I’M SEXY AND I KNOW IT!
(The ad fades out and we fade back in backstage at a NEW house show somewhere in Japan. MPG is walking through the halls and he spots Travis Blaine standing alone by a water cooler. MPG walks over to him and stands in Blaine’s blindside. Before MPG can say anything, Travis Blaine speaks.)
Travis Blaine – So what do you have to say?
MPG – Oh hey, I didn’t think that you saw me. How’s it going?
Travis Blaine – Are you going to keep beating around the bush all day or are you going to tell me why you need to talk to me?
MPG – Oh, sorry. Well I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for giving Mongo a chance here in NEW.
Travis Blaine – I know you well enough to know when you’re trying to butter me up for something.
MPG – I didn’t know we already had such a close relationship.
Travis Blaine – Yes I remember from TV.
MPG – I’m a lot different than what you’ve seen on TV, but you’re right, I am trying to butter you up. I’m wondering if you can write off some MPG Co. business cards for me.
Travis Blaine – Sounds like a rip off to me.
MPG – They be a little pricey, but I need this Travis. It’ll only cost like eighty dollars.
Travis Blaine – The hell I’m going to buy that for you!
MPG – But it’s a business expense, come on Travis.
Travis Blaine – Are you f@#ked? Call me when you grow up got it? Yeah whatever, bye mom.
(Travis turns, hangs up his phone and is startled to see MPG standing there.)
Travis Blaine – Whoa! Don’t sneak up on people like that.
(MPG is dumbfounded. He didn’t notice that Travis was on the phone and assumed they had been talking for the past few moments.)
Travis Blaine – Well?
MPG – Uh-Uh…
Travis Blaine – Speak up.
MPG – I was just wondering if you could write me a cheque for some business cards.
Travis Blaine – The hell I’m going to buy that for you!
(With that, Travis Blaine walks off.)
I-I-I WORK OUT
MPG – Where does that keep coming from?
(MPG walks through the halls with a swagger.)
(AHHH) GIRL LOOK AT THAT BODY
(MPG stops and looks around.)
MPG – Who keeps playing that song while I’m around? (He yells out) Who’s f$@king with me?!
WIGGLE, WIGGLE, WIGGLE, WIGGLE, WIGGLE
MPG – Whatever.
(MPG ignores the song and continues his swagger down the halls.)
I’M SEXY AND I KNOW IT
(This catches the attention of Jimmy Helmsley who approaches MPG.)
Jimmy Helmsley – Where’s that music coming from?
MPG – I don’t know; it just follows me around.
Jimmy Helmsley – O…k.
(MPG takes a breath and opens his mouth to say something else, but Jimmy turns his back to him and walks away.)
MPG – Good talk. Call me if you need representa… oh he’s gone.
(MPG continues walking until he finds the room that he’s been looking for. The door has a piece of masking tape on it that reads, “MPG Co. Main Office”. MPG opens the door to the office and steps inside. It’s clearly obvious that this “office” is actually the janitor’s closest of the arena. We know this because there’s a shelf of cleaning supplies on the back wall and several different mops and brooms propped up in the corners. A table that one would normally see in a TLC match is set up in the room with a steel folding chair to sit on. On the desk is a phone, a business card holder (which is empty) and a bottle of water. MPG takes a seat.)
(AHHH) GIRL LOOK AT THAT BODY
MPG – That’s getting really old.
(Right on cue, Isabel Marie walks by and does a double take of MPG in his “office”. She walks into the room and is about to say something, but MPG cuts her off.)
MPG – Excuse me I have a call.
Isabel Marie – I didn’t hear it ring.
(MPG ignores her and answers the phone.)
MPG – Hello? Oh hey Andrew how’s it going? I’m doing well, very well thank you. So what can I do for you? Dancing With The Stars? Are you sure about that Andrew? Yeah, I guess it will help get your name back out there. Hey, you’re the boss. You want to be on Dancing With The Stars and I’ll make it happen. Yeah, it was great talking with you too. Ok, ok, bye.
(MPG hangs up the phone and looks at Isabel with confusion in his face.)
MPG – What are you still doing here?
Isabel Marie – Who was that?
MPG – Oh, that? No big deal, but another client with the MPG Company.
Isabel Marie – Really? (she totally doesn’t believe him) Who was it?
MPG – Oh just a man named Andrew Martin. You may know him as Test from that company that wrestles on Monday nights.
Isabel Marie – Yes I know who he is, but he’s been…
(MPG cuts her off.)
MPG – He’s been asking me to be on DWTS.
Isabel Marie – DWTS?
MPG – Dancing With The Stars.
Isabel Marie – I’m pretty sure that Test is a little, ummm, too stiff to dance.
MPG – Your jealousy is a very unattractive quality. I signed a big star and already people can’t take it.
Isabel Marie – I’m not so much jealous as I am confused. Test has been dead for over 3 years now.
MPG – Shows what you know.
Isabel Marie – No, I think it shows what you know.
(AHHH) GIRL LOOK AT THAT BODY
Isabel Marie – What in the hell was that?
MPG – Nevermind. Why are you even here?
Isabel Marie – At first I was here to make fun of your janitor’s closet.
MPG – It’s an office.
Isabel Marie – Yeah that’s what it is. Since I’m already in here I might as well do my job and ask you about Mongo’s dark match.
MPG – What’s there to say? Mongo and Madison went twenty minutes and stole the show.
Isabel Marie – How are you going to bounce back against Hisoka?
MPG – What bounce back? It was a dark match to showcase Mongo’s abilities and he did exactly that. There is no bounce back against Hisoka. It’s a new show on a new day in front of a new crowd that will no doubt smell every bit as bad as last week’s crowd. Let’s be honest here sugar lips, dark matches don’t mean a damn thing. Mongo lost, who gives a f@$k? He doesn’t even have the mental capacity to understand what losing and winning a match is. So, to answer your question doll, Mongo is going to bounce back by getting into the ring and kicking some ass.
Isabel Marie – How are you going to deal with Hisoka’s apparent home field advantage?
MPG – He’s not 100% at a home field advantage baby cakes. Mongo hails from Mongolia you know.
Isabel Marie – And?
MPG – And he has Asian appeal.
Isabel Marie – But he’s whiter than my ass in the summer.
MPG – That’s pretty racist. Mongo is a monster and Asian’s love monsters. Take a look at Japan’s biggest heroes; Godzilla, Yao Ming and, and the list goes on and on.
Isabel Marie – Yao Ming is Chinese.
(MPG continues talking as if Isabel didn’t say a word.)
MPG – Mongo is right up there with those monsters so Hisoka’s home field advantage is a non-factor going into NEW Generation. Besides, we are not here to make friends with and appease the fans baby. We’re here to make money, take money, and make money again. It’s been proven time and time again that it doesn’t matter if someone is a fan favorite or hated. It doesn’t matter if someone is the best or the worst at the sport. What matters babe are the Benjamins. We just need a sponsor here and an appearance on a popular show there and we’re in the gravy. The MPG Company is on the rise Isabel and it’s just a matter of time before we dominate NEW. So Mongo will go out there on Saturday night and regardless of the outcome my pocket will have more green in it.
(Isabel sniffs the air.)
Isabel Marie – Are you wearing ladies perfume?
MPG – No more questions!
(MPG stands up and guides Isabel out of the room.)
Isabel Marie – That’s Ja’ Dor!
(MPG slams the door and sits back down at his “desk”)
MPG – I just like to smell pretty.
I’M SEXY AND I KNOW IT!
(The camera zooms in on MPG’s face just as you hear the door opening again.)
MPG – I said no more questions! Oh, hey it’s you? Are you here for representation?
(The scene fades to black before we can see who entered the “office”.)
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