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Not Even Kidding; WARNING: Do Not Read
Topic Started: Dec 1 2011, 03:14 PM (227 Views)
The Sensational One
Member Avatar
Executor of Razzle and Dazzle
[ *  *  *  * ]
So it looks like New Era is ready for another run of the mill interview. In the background you have the generic NEW logo, and not much of anything else. Isabel is dressed up in some pretty nice clothes, looking fairly sexy but nothing the censors should have to worry about. Meanwhile 'The Sensational One' Romeo Stylez is decked out in bright colors. Orange and purple, some blue thrown into the mix as well. For anyone else it would be a ridiculous look but this has become the norm with Romeo, even the one sleeve one pant leg look seems to be less awkward now.

Romeo keeps staring up at the lights above him, able to look into brightness with little harm done to his eyes thanks to his cheap sunglasses. Isabel is speaking with a few workers behind the camera to make sure everything is ready to go. You can hear someone behind the camera begin to countdown from ten. The last number you hear is three, then two seconds later this interview begins.

Isabel "Ladies and Gentleman I'm here with 'The Sensational One' Romeo Stylez. Romeo how are you doing today."


Romeo "Dude I'm not even kidding, I'm excited to be here, not even kidding."


Isabel "Now this is your first Pay Per View appearance, is the pressure having any sort of negative effect on you?"


Romeo "Dude I'm not even kidding, these bright lights were made for Romeo Stylez, not even kidding."


At this point Isabel looks a bit confused and annoyed with exactly how Romeo is responding. But she thinks maybe it's just her imagination and continues with the interview.

Isabel "While your match isn't the main event alot of people are excited to see this huge 10 person tag team match. What kind of impact do you expect to make in the largest match of the night."


Romeo "Dude I'm not even kidding, I plan on being the MVP, not even kidding."


Isabel "Okay what the hell is THAT?"


Romeo "Dude I'm not even kidding, I have no idea what you are talking about, not even kidding."


Isabel "Why do you keep starting and ending every sentence like that? It's freakin annoying."


Annoying might be an understatement there Isabel. But Romeo just smiles and laughs.

Romeo "Dude I'm not even kidding, I lost a bet to Johnny Bloomers, not even kidding."


Isabel "A bet? Wait so you are telling me now you have to speak like this for the entire interview?"


Romeo just nods his head, because he'd have to utter those words once more if he attempted to say anything. This is going to be a very long, and tedious interview.

Isabel "I can't do this."


Or maybe not. Isabel walks off the set, leaving Romeo to stand there alone. Romeo looks around refusing to speak, because he doesn't feel like repeating the same opening line over and over. You can hear a cameraman in the background cough, another one whisper if they should cut to something else. Just when it seems like this interview was cut short Isabel comes back into view, with Johnny Bloomers behind her. Johnny is wearing a plaid suit. And while there are a select few individuals who can pull off the plaid suit look, Johnny isn't one of them.

Isabel "I brought Johnny here to call off this stupid bet so I can get this interview done in a quick and professional manner. Now Johnny tell Romeo the bet is off."


Johnny "Like, which one?"


Isabel throws Johnny a dirty look.

Isabel "WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHICH ONE!?"


Johnny "Well there was the time I beat him at Connect Four. Or the time I beat him at Chutes and Ladders. Oh don't forget the time I beat him in Candy Land and Guess Who too."


Romeo "Dude I'm not even kidding, one day I will beat you in something, not even kidding."


Isabel "Call off whichever bet has Romeo acting like a complete idiot!"

Isabel is quickly losing her patience with these two, but it's clear that Romeo and Johnny find this moment to be hilarious.

Johnny "Oh if you think that's bad you should see what happens when you say..."


Johnny leans in uncomfortably close to Isabel and whispers something in her ear.

Isabel "Why the hell would anybody say hootenanny!?"


And just like that as soon as the word hootenanny is said Romeo begins to do the chicken dance. Isabel looks on in horror as Johnny almost falls over laughing.

Isabel "THAT DOES IT! YOU ARE GOING TO CALL OFF EVERY BET YOU HAVE EVER MADE WITH ROMEO! ROMEO IS GOING TO ACT LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING! AND I'M GOING TO CONDUCT A NORMAL AND RESPECTABLE INTERVIEW!"


Isabel has snapped, and her loud screaming not only cuts off Johnny's laughing, but has caused Romeo to stop his chicken dance in mid move, leaving him standing in a chicken pose.

Johnny "Fine, Romeo all of our bets are officially off. Gosh ruin all my fun why don't you."


Isabel takes in a deep sigh of relief, as she ushers Johnny out of the scene and attempts to save this interview. She takes her spot next to Romeo, looks into the camera, and tries to act like none of this has ever happened.

Isabel "Let's try this again shall we? Starting completely over, Romeo let's talk about your last match against 'The Glorious One' Gregory Bartlett. It was an extremely competitive match that ended with you getting the short end of the stick. How does it feel after your very first loss?"


Romeo "Woah, slow down there Izzy. First off what you call an extremely competitive match, I like to call a sensational showdown. You see Ole Greg and I put on a spectacle for the whole world to see. We unloaded a plethora of maneuvers on one another, and as things were winding down the crowd grew quiet. Everyone on the edge of their seat waiting for that moment. I knew in the back of my mind I was one Bedazzler away from putting the cherry on the sundae. Or if needed I'd climb that top rope and shine a little Shimmer on Ole Greg and put his lights out for sure. I only assumed the self proclaimed 'Glorious One' was thinking up something similar, but then a travesty took place."


Isabel "You lost?"


Romeo "Oh don't kid yourself Izzy, Romeo Stylez losing a match is a mishap, oh no what happened was much worse than that. Our sensational showdown, a possible match of the year candidate went down the toilet when Ole Greg got desperate and tried to yank out these gorgeous eyes of mine."


Isabel "So you are upset because he cheated?"


Romeo "Cheater cheater pumpkin eater. The cat got scared and had to take the easy way out."


Isabel "Didn't you pull the referee into danger your very first match here in NEW? I mean that's not exactly legal."


Romeo rolls his eyes like Isabel is completely insane, though it was clear as day that Romeo took advantage of similar cheap tactics to defeat Nightshade.

Romeo "Pu-lease girl that's a whole different story. When Romeo breaks the rules he does it in style. What Cheater Cottontail did to me was out of desperation."


Isabel "Did you just refer to Greg Bartlett as Cheater Cottrontail?"


Romeo "No doubt. But I'll say this much, if Cheater Cottontail once to hippity hop back down this bunny trail again he's gonna find Little Bunny Foo Foo waitin on em. And if he were to get in another tussle with Funk Master Foo Foo he'd end up getting pick up like a field mouse and gettin bopped on the head. Ya dig!?"


I don't think Isabel digs, or even comprehends what Romeo was saying for that matter. But she simply shakes it off, she can either dwell on Romeo's analogy and bury this interview deeper into insanity, or move on and possibly salvage this debacle.

Isabel "Yeah, I think you were trying to call out Greg Bartlett, but let's move on shall we. As I mentioned earlier the match up between Team Raw and Team Priest is literally the biggest match of the night. With ten superstars involved there are hundreds of different ways this match could play out."


Romeo looks at Isabel like she's completely retarded. Not half retarded, not mostly retarded, but full on one hundred percent retarded.

Romeo "What are you talking about? This match can only play out two ways, Team Raw wins or Team Priest wins."


Isabel "No what I meant was... forget it."


Isabel face palms god only knows how much more of Romeo's shenanigans she can put up with before she snaps.

Isabel "Well this is the first tag match you've ever been in. And you not only have to trust in yourself but four others to watch your back. How do you feel about relying on four other men to help you pick up the win?"


Romeo "Shoot girl you know Romeo plays well with others. It's all about having faith when it comes to Romeo Stylez. I believe in my team, I know for a fact when things ain't lookin to shiny for Romeo Stylez, one of my partners is gonna show up with that Razzle Dazzle that helps put us on top."


Isabel "So you don't see any potential problems with the list of people on your team?"


Romeo "When you run with Romeo Stylez every day is a sensational day. And when you team with Romeo Stylez every partner is a sensational partner. Go ahead, name one of Romeo's soon to be partners I'll show you how great they are."


Isabel "Okay well how about the New British Commonwealth champion Hisoka. I mean he's an unpredictable jester. He's a mad man I tell you."


Romeo "A mad man you say? The cat is a champion ya dig. Dude's got gold around his waist and a smile on his face. Now some teams get too tense ya know. They be all concerned about losing, there body tightens up and they end up pulling a muscle. But Team Priest we got our very own comic relief."

And here I thought that was Romeo's job.

Romeo "We get too nervous, or we get too focused on the task at hand or boy Soda pops a joke or two and we laugh it off like there ain't no tomorrow. Stress can kill you nowadays but with Soda watchin my back I'm not stressed about nothin."

Okay why is he callin Hisoka Soda? Does he think his name is Hisoda? Also the double negative... ya know whatever back to this interview.

Isabel "Okay how about Raymond Hughes."


Romeo "Clearly Ray-Ray is just here to make some noise-noise. Dude is fresh on the scene like Ro-Ro and when you trying to make a first impression you go all out. Broski has nothin to lose and everything to gain. I expect to see Ray-Ray goin fifteen kinds of crazy on Team Raw."


Isabel "Continuing down the list we've got former Tag Team Champion Jack Erickson."


Romeo "All I have to say is Yo-Yo Bro-Bro you wanna regain them tag titles just holler at Ro-Ro. For real dude knows the ins and outs of tag team wrestling. Cat has an act for showing up at the right time, knows when to hold em and when to fold em."


Isabel "Well maybe not so much about when to fold em."


An obvious jab at Erickson's gambling past. But Isabel continues on, as ridiculous as the answers are atleast they are relevant to the match at The Challenger Series.

Isabel "And that leaves your team captain Robbie Priest."


Romeo "Listen we all know the church of sensationalism is growing. Everywhere I go I see more and more sensationalites. But what the church is missing is structure. That hierarchy all the mainstream religions have. Some have the pope and his popettes. Other's have bishops and those other chess pieces. Maybe the church of sensationalism needs a little bit of Robbie Priest ya know."


Isabel "I can't help but believe I'm going to regret asking this, but do you care to talk about your opponents as well."


And just when I had hopes this interview would be over.

Isabel "Team Raw is obviously captained by Randy Altzer. But let's save him for last if we can. First off let's talk about the only man from the opposing team who has spoken thus far, Frankie Romeo.
"

Romeo "Yeah?"


Isabel "What do you think about Frankie Romeo?"


Romeo "Which Frankie? What's his last name."


Isabel "His name is Frankie Romeo."


Romeo "Yeah I get it dude's name is Frankie, but what's the cat's last name."


Isabel seems to be losing her patience.

Isabel "ROMEO!"


Romeo "Why are you yelling at me I'm right here? If you'd just tell me this cats last name I'd know who we were talking about."


Isabel "His last name is Romeo! Your first name is his last name. His name is Frankie Romeo. Get it!?"


Romeo "OH!"

Finally. Isabel shakes her head in disbelief of how stupid Romeo can be. But it looks like things are about to get a whole lot worse.

Romeo "No but for real what's his last name?"


Isabel "FORGET IT! He's the artist, the guy who smashed a canvas with your name painted on it. Did you not see that video!?"


Romeo "OH Bob Ross."


Isabel "Who the hell is Bob Ross!?"


It's clear Isabel has lost her composure, swearing during an interview. How unprofessional. Though I can't blame her, in her shoes I'd have pulled out a gun and put myself out of my misery a long time ago.

Romeo "Bob Ross. You know he has an afro and teaches people how to paint. He was always making happy little trees, or happy little rivers. Cat was real mellow, everything was happy."


Isabel "Do you have an opinion on New Era's Bob Ross?"


Romeo "Oh... well I guess not no."


Isabel face palms for the second time since the restart of this interview. Don't worry Izzy it's almost over. Oh dear god I just called her Izzy.

Isabel "How about Xander Kincaid. Care to comment on Xander Kincaid?"


Romeo "Cats real name is Alexander right?"


Isabel "Yes..."


There's an awkward pause. Like Romeo might have been expecting Isabel to say something else. Finally Romeo speaks up and says what's on his mind.

Romeo "If your name was Alexander why would you go by Xander and not Alex?"


Isabel "Excuse me?"


Romeo "Well it just so happens to be that most grown men prefer to be called Alex over Xander. Hell to be honest Xander sounds fruiter than a banana, an apple, an orange, and a pear having an orgy inside of Ryan Seacrest's anus."


Isabel "Do you have anything to say other than bashing on the name he chooses to go by?"


Romeo "Besides from what I hear he walks around like some macho tough guy. There's no tough guys named Xander. Nobody ever heard they were fighting a man named Xander and started to worry. Hell why doesn't he just go by Alexander. I mean there was this one Alexander a long time ago who kicked so much ass people started calling him Alexander The Great."


Isabel "Enough of this, and if you've already mocked those two names I can only worry how you'll end up mocking this one. What about Kidd Love."


Romeo "Why are we talking about Bombtrack. Listen dude wants to go around holding hands with a child he picked up overseas that's his problem. As long as he keeps his eyes off of Rebecca Black and any other young sensationalite I'll let bygones be bygones. Wait unless his miniature wife is a sensationalite. Do you think she likes me? Should I be stepping up to defend her honor?"


Isabel "Nobody was talking about Bombtrack you dope! Kidd Love is the name of another one of your opponents. First name Kidd, last name Love."


Romeo "Wait for real? Damn that dude's name is almost as sensational as Romeo Stylez. I bet with a name like that he picks up all sorts of pelvic pudding."


Isbael goes to respond, but can't seem to get a word out. She's stuck thinking about the term pelvic pudding. And who could blame her, that may be the single worst nickname for vagina or ass I've ever heard of.

Isabel "Anyways Christian York is next. Dear god may you have a legit opinion on Christian York."


Romeo "I do."


Isabel "Really?"


Romeo "Yup."


Isabel "And that opinion is."


Romeo "Dude is okay I guess."


Down again, the third face palm by Isabel Marie. Finally he promises a legit and serious response, and all he can come up with is "Dude is okay" what a waste. On a good note one more, one more response for one more opponent then this disgrace of an interview is over.

Isabel "Finally the moment we've all been waiting for. I'm not even going to ask a question, the man's name is RAW Randy Altzer. Go!"


Isabel makes her exit, leaving the rest of this segment to Romeo Stylez. Now a one on one showdown via a television screen.

Romeo "Randy Altzer..."


Romeo takes a moment to let his thoughts sink in.

Romeo "Listen, you may be RAW dawg, but I'm a raw dog. And I hear about you bro, people speak and I listen. Word on the street is your a sick cat who gets off on sick cats. They say your the kind of bro who likes shittin on bitches, beatin it on couches, and jizzin on opponents. If you wanna be comfy when you jackin it more power to ya. And straight up some bitches get off on manure. But dude I gotta be honest bro I don't look forward to steppin in the ring with ya. For real there ain't nothin sensational about getting sticky icky."


Ugh, bad mental image.

Romeo "But it's cool man cuz while your beating yourself I'll be beating your partners. And when the bell rings I can promise you anything but a happy ending."

Romeo pulls off the sunglasses, the camera zooms in on his eyes, and he stares one last message to his opponents.

Romeo "RAZZLE... MOTHER FUCKING DAZZLE!"

While Romeo attempts to end this on a good note, not that Razzle Dazzle can be considered a good note, Johnny Bloomers walks into view before the camera can shut off.

Johnny "Yo Romeo, bet you can't eliminate 5 people at The Challenger Series."


Romeo "Shoot son I'm so sensational I'll eliminate 7."

The camera fades as Romeo sets himself up to lose another bet to Johnny Bloomers.

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NEW Record: 34-26

NEW accomplishments: 2x Television Champion, 2x North American Champion, 3x World Heavyweight Champion.
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