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Hot Pastrami again
Topic Started: Jul 6 2011, 06:29 PM (158 Views)
Travis Blaine
Member Avatar
CEO
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
A Few Months Ago

Outkast
You’re eyes are like the stars in the sky while staring from a mountain top in the middle of a cold winter night.

I had her right where I wanted her and could feel her heart racing faster than the Indy 500. Her green eyes met my hazel eyes. For a moment in time she could actually feel as if she mattered to somebody and not as if the world was passing her by just waiting for the moment when she would… fade away.

This was my gift, this was my curse.

My hand slowly caressed her flesh… her wrinkly, disgusting flesh as I made my way south. I felt her tense up as my fingers slid underneath her sun dress and climb the grassy knoll of birth.

I watched as her face turned crimson red and she let out a soft peculiar moan that sounded more like a dying wildebeest.

Her insides swam around my appendages, which incidentally caused me to throw up a little in my mouth. However, I held back the urge and smiled at her as two lips came for mine at an alarming speed.

She was quick for an old hag.

As I slid my fingers back out of her vaginal cavity I couldn’t help but to cringe at the sight of… goo… that hung and dripped from them.

I then found her semi beautiful eyes glance downward. With a sudden movement I jerked back as she fell to her knees, probably dislocating her knee in the process, and unzipped my pants. I wept softly as she took me in her mouth but not before removing her dentures.

Not to long after she begged me to take her there and now. I had come to the conclusion that I had better get this meet and greet over with. The nightmares would then be shorter and only haunt me for half of my many nights to come.

I threw her onto the bed, not because I wanted her badly, but because I wanted her to get the fuck off of me. However, she was fast and ripped me down towards her with one tug which in turn probably dislocated her shoulder.

I then did the deed and filled her hole with my manhood and instinctively her legs wrapped around my body and magic was indeed occurring. And as I thrusted into her and tears from my eyes fell onto her I begged to the Lord for myself to go impotent. God must have called in sick that day because my prayers went unanswered. Forty-five minutes later her hoohah was now filled with my goof juice.

Oh God…

I had just fucked… Terry Queens mother…


Present Day


It was poker night at Enforcer’s place and all I could think about was how much fucking old people sucked. All I could do was remember the look on her face as she went into cardiac arrest. Did it make me a bad person to be happy that she had a heart attack just so I wouldn’t have to do a follow up booty call on her? I was already destined for hell so what did it matter?

Gunz
Motherfucka! You in or what?

I snapped out of my trance to find Tommy Gunz staring at me from the left of me waiting for an answer. I gazed at my cards and found that I had nothing even remotely resembling a decent hand.

Outkast
I’m out.

Gunz
Good. Cuz I’m tired of waiting on yo’ ass all in deep thought and shit. Man, don’t they do that deep thought bullshit on Dawson’s Creek or some shit?

Enforcer
Shoooooot! Remember that episode where Pacey banged his teacher? Pacey’s a pimp!

Gunz
Please. None of my teachers ever looked that good. If they did I would have had all them begging for some Gunz love.

Enforcer had been sitting across from me but I had barely been listening to anything he had been saying throughout the course of the night. To my left sat Ashe who was taking every cent we had.

Ashe
BAM!

She slammed her cards down on the table and brought in the chips with a huge smile across her face.

Gunz
Fuck! Where’d you meet this chick at ‘Kast? She’s fucking killing me here.

I sighed and waited for Enforcer to deal another hand.

Ashe
Ooohhhh….

Enforcer and Gunz both appeared disappointed at her sudden outburst, which indicated she had another winning hand. Something told me she was taking us for a ride but I really didn’t give a fuck at the moment.

Ashe
So… what y’all got?

Gunz
I’m out.

Enforcer
Me too.

Ashe then revealed her cards and she indeed… didn’t have a damn thing. The two others shot their hands up in the air and Enforcer began banging his head on the table.

Enforcer
She’s cheating! I just know it! She’s cheating worse than Hisoka! How the fuck could I lose to Hisoka?

Gunz
I don’t know but I’m about to be a broke ass nigga thanks to Ms. I-Never-Played-Poker-Before-So-Can-You-Guys-Teach-Me-?

Ashe
I pick up things fast.

Her smile said otherwise. In fact it spelled out she devil.

Gunz
Sure honey. You keep telling yourself that. Just know that you’re stealing Enforcer’s children’s college fund.

Enforcer
Fuck them. I already spent most of it on Coronas. I have a lifetime supply you know?

Gunz
Hook a nigga up!

Enforcer then opened his refrigerator and a very bright golden light shined out at us and blinded my exposed eye. He then came back with three coronas.

Enforcer
But yeah guys… I lost to Hisoka. What the fuck? In what plane of reality does shit like that happen?

Ashe
Apparently on this plane.

Enforcer
Yeah well, its fucking Hisoka. Oh God… I think I’m going to cry…

He then leaned his head against Gunz shoulder only for Gunz to push him away and fix his bullet proof vest that he was wearing maybe because he thought Enforcer lived in a bad part of the island. I just don’t know.

Gunz
Back up motherfucker! This is a Gucci bulletproof vest!

Ashe
What the fuck? Gucci makes bulletproof vests?

Gunz
You best believe. Besides, can’t you see the pattern?

Ashe
You’re right… what else does Gucci make?

Gunz
Well for starters they make fine doo rags. I’m wearing one right now as we speak.

And by God he was. Gunz then tapped me on the arm.

Gunz
They make eye patches to nigga. Maybe you should look into accessorizing your facial apparel.

And for a fraction of a second I actually considered this notion.

Enforcer
Hisoka? Really?

Gunz
Also, I’m thinking about starting my own fashion line. Make clothes for real niggas, by real niggas. What y’all think about that?

Ashe
Would you have your own line of bullet proof vests?

Gunz
Fuck yeah. In all sorts of colors and shit. And I don’t discriminate so I make vests for the ladies to.

Ashe
How would the ladies vests look different from the guy’s vests?

Gunz
I’d put some flowers or shit on it. Whatever bitches like these days.

Enforcer
Hisoka? Fucking Hisoka? God fucking dammit all to hell!

Outkast
Midgets and fucking horses…


Gunz
I have this idea about making chains out of real bullets. Like if you get shot nine times you can take the bullets from your body and I’ll make a hot ass chain.

Ashe
That sounds… interesting…

Enforcer
I mean if you lost to Hisoka wouldn’t you be upset? Sure, I could blame Jay Stevens but then that would be taking the blame away from losing to fucking Hisoka!

Outkast
Was that midget really going to fuck the horse? I was just using it as an example as to what Queens does.

I glanced over to find Tommy Sullivan and Mikey Sullivan nowhere to be found.

Outkast
And where the fuck are the Sullivans?

Ashe
Tommy isn’t really Mikey’s brother. So Tommy had his pet tiger eat Mikey.

Outkast
What the fuck? When? Where was I?

Enforcer
I should go and stab Hisoka right in his jugular.

Ashe
Last show.

Outkast
Wait… did you say Tommy Sullivan has a pet tiger?

Ashe
Yes. And his name isn’t Tommy Sullivan anymore. It’s Tommy Spazziani.

Outkast
Suddenly up is down and red is green.

Gunz
Nah, fuck the Sullivans. I’m talking about my future ventures after I retire from the game. I’m gonna have all kinds of shit. Oh, and get this homie. I’m gonna have some pants… with the pant leg already pulled up! Aint that genius nigga?

Outkast
Yeah. I see where you’re going with that. I really have had only a few singles matches since being in XFC?

Ashe
Yep.

Outkast
Where the fuck was I?

Ashe
Here…

Outkast
And I barely won any of my matches? I always needed the help of my partner? I never even looked at it that way. I mean, I knew Blood Bowl was a crock of shit with me being pinned and submitting a bunch of times which was bullshit in itself but fuck… that match should have been mine after all the hard work I put in only to be pinned by the likes of Team Canada hella times.

Gunz
And ski masks! I’m gonna have ski masks!

Outkast
I mean with all the hard work I put forth you would think my performances would be even better than they are? Yet, there I am every week being out done by guys that don’t even deserve to be in the same ring as me!

Enforcer
I’ll shank his clown ass! Hisoka deserves to be shanked like we’re in a prison movie!

Outkast
And who the fuck is my Robin?!?

I searched everyone at the table. First at Enforcer who was too busy in his own little world where stabbing Hisoka was the most logical solution to his depression.

Outkast
Are you Robin?

He just stared back at me, and I wasn’t so sure he even heard what I said.

Enforcer
Fuck Hisoka!

Now I looked at Ashe.

Outkast
Are you Robin?

She glanced behind her to make sure I was speaking to her.

Ashe
No…

Now it was Gunz turn.

Outkast
Are you Robin?

Gunz
Nigga, fuck Robin! Robin is a homosexual child! I aint your Robin mother fucker!

Outkast
Good! I don’t need no Robin! I don’t mind being Batman though… because Batman was cool… cooler than Superman in his red and blue tights. Who the fuck wears tights?

The room just kind of glanced around at each other not wanting to answer.

Gunz
Nigga… I wear street clothes… cuz I’m from the street… y’all better recognize…

Suddenly we all realized that Enforcer was the only one who wore tights in this room when wrestling.

Enforcer
Man… I’m still bigger than all of you. So go ahead and make fun of my tights!

Gunz
Don’t worry man, I’ll make some big man tights in my fall lineup.

Enforcer
Really? Thanks.

Gunz
No problem.

Enforcer
But fuck Hisoka!

Outkast
And just because I’m Batman makes me more real? I’m real? Because I have to look for the Bat signal, I’m real? Well the nerve of him… wait… that’s not bad at all. Come to think of it, he didn’t get nasty with me at all. He just went over my XFC career and explained my win loss record. I could have done that.

Ashe
Did you really fuck Elvis and Maynard’s grandma?

Le sigh…

Outkast
Don’t make me remember…

Gunz
Nigga, don’t act like you didn’t enjoy it.

Outkast
You go fuck two slices of hot pastrami and tell me if you enjoy the greasiness of the situation. In fact I’ll buy you a Togos sandwich right now and then you slide your dick between it and then you explain to us if you enjoy it or not.

Enforcer
I’ll fuck Hisoka up the ass!

Outkast
And then afterwards feed it to Enforcer’s big ass.

Gunz
Whoa nigga… that was deep. I’m touched. I really am. But you can go fuck your own sandwiches.

By this point I was really considering that option just to show how much I didn’t enjoy killing Terry Queens mother.

Outkast
Okay.

Ashe
What?

Gunz
Yeah… what the fuck?

Outkast
Somebody make me a sandwich. A pastrami sandwich.

Enforcer darted for his refrigerator once again and pulled out a pack of pastrami. He then lit the stove and began frying the slices of meat inside a frying pan. The others didn’t know what to think of the situation. I couldn’t blame them really.

This entire time Enforcer kept a big goofy grin on his face as he buttered the bread and slapped some mayo on it for good measure. He then slipped the hot pastrami onto it and handed the freshly made sandwich to me wrapped in a paper towel.

Enforcer
I’m going to imagine you’re beating Hisoka’s little tiny asshole.

I gazed at that sandwich like it was about to die and it stared back at me flashing its titties. It wanted me, and I wanted it. This was the sandwiches destiny. I was about to rock its world.

I grabbed it between my fingers and caressed it slowly. Gunz and Ashe kept watching in shock. Was I really about to do the unthinkable?

My pants dropped to the floor and my giant Norwegian hammer fell out growing hard and erect. I spread the pastrami apart as I drove myself closer to the ultimate prize. I didn’t bother to gain approval from anyone in the room. I knew they would watch out of pure fascination. They would be grossed out and quite possibly vomit but that is the risk I was willing to take.

My penis slid inside and I began to thrust. I moved in and out and gritted my teeth as I beat that sandwich up. Faster and faster and harder and harder. I was putting on the greatest show the earth had ever witnessed. And when it was all said and done… I slammed that mother fucker right on the kitchen table and cried out in triumph!

I had just fucked a hot pastrami sandwich.

Every single eye in the room stared blankly at me as if they couldn’t believe what they had just witnessed. Why had they just witnessed this spectacle?

Suddenly a clap, and then another, and another. Enforcer had started a slow clap for me… only he was the only one clapping.

Outkast
And that… is what it is like to fuck Terry Queens mother. That is what it feels like every day of my life. I am not a loser anymore. I am a mother fucking winner and I will prove that by any means necessary. What you all just watched me do… that had to be done. That had to be done for the sake of not only myself but for the sake of Terry Queens. I fucked that hot pastrami sandwich for Terry Queens.

Silence… and then…

Gunz
What the fuck? What the mother fuck just happened? You just fucked a pastrami sandwich nigga! What the fuck? Fuck this shit! I’m going home! I can’t take this shit anymore! And pull you mother fucking pants up, nigga!

Gunz rose form his chair and grabbed his coat and headed out the door cursing. Ashe was still just staring at my package. A number of things could have been going through her head at this point but my first guess was that she wanted me. My second was she wanted the sandwich. Well, she had better settle for the sandwich because I was done for the night and Eliza wouldn’t appreciate me taking her best friend for the ride of her life.

Ashe
I have to go to… I just have to go…

And then she was gone as well.

Now only Enforcer and myself stood in the kitchen staring at the floor. Perhaps he was thinking of eating the sandwich?

Enforcer
Yeah… it’s getting late… I’ve had enough excitement for one night.

I agreed and pulled my pants up. I headed for the door but only for Enforcer to stop me by placing his hand on my shoulder. I turned one last time to face him.

Enforcer
Dude… you tore that sandwich up. You’re my hero.

I said the only thing I could say.

Outkast
I know… I know…

With that I left his house and went out into the darkened island night. I had a lot to think about in the next coming days leading up to Killer Instinct 4 and I think I had just made my first step in the right direction for beating my good friend… Terry Queens.

This has been dedicated to you Terry… I love you man…

The End.
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I BELIEVE IN ZOE MCDRAVEN
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Travis Blaine
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CEO
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I SWEAR I DON'T SMOKE I DON'T DRINK BUT I TAKE DRUG, YES PUNKY THE DRUG I TAKE IS YOU: MY DRUG IS CM PUNK I CAN'T EXIST WITHOUT CM PUNK ! THUMBS UP IF CM PUNK SAVED YOU AS ME
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Xavier Magnus
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Wow.....

I felt like I was cam's therapist listening to him describe his weekend. Disgusting yet fascinating
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