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What the hell hero?
Topic Started: May 8 2010, 07:41 PM (240 Views)
Rich
useless fuckup
[ * ]
Blake Blomberg sits at his computer, typing away.

"Hello rasslin fans, it's Blake the Snake, here to do my obligatory second promo. I was actually lookin forward to doing this one. I had it all written out and everything. However, just 18 minutes before the deadline, Vincent Liger actually remembered that he was booked this week. Now I know that I tend to wait until the last moment to get these in, but I'm not the self-proclaimed savior of the NEW. I'm not the guy getting $20 million bucks to grace this place with his awesome presence."

" You know I actually was going to push myself to promo early in the two-week period for once. But then I thought, why not let my opponent go first? Let him show me, and us all really, how a legend cuts a promo. Day after day I wait, and nothing. Eventually, the deadline approaches and I begin to wonder, is he even going to show? Maybe he's having second thoughts about coming back to active competition. After all, it's been over a year since he last stepped in to the squared circle. He's gotta be at least a little rusty. Oh sure, he's facing a real ham n' egger in his re-debut. He should have problem taking out this scrawny jackass. He shouldn't even break a sweat on this one. It'll be too easy. But what if it wasn't so easy? What if I didn't go down so easily? What if...dare I say it...what if I actually beat him? He couldn't afford to look bad, not after signing such an obscene contract, not after verbally fellating himself out there in front of all his fans. Maybe he thought it over and decided that it would be best to just say fuck it and take the money and run. Sure it would be incredibly cowardly and dishonorable, and the owners would probably sue his ass off or send a hitman after him. But it would save Liger the embarrassment of losing to a lowlife like me, and damn if it wouldn't have been the fucking funniest thing ever."

" Well apparently, you are up to face me after all. I guess you actually do have some balls down there. Or maybe you were gonna show the whole time and you were just too fucking pre-occupied with your legions of adoring fangirls. I know I don't understand women, but I can't for the life of me figure out what they see in you that makes them so insane. The first guess would be that they are after your money. I know most chicks are gold-digging whores. Hell, if I could get some of that $20 mil, I'd probably sleep with you too. Ah hell, no probably about it. But that can't be the only explanation. After all, plenty of rich men don't have that much attention. Perhaps, they are there because you've already given them a taste of that wealth. Maybe you're paying them to be out there. I wouldn't put astro turfing past anyone, not even the wrestling Jesus. There's no shame in buying fan support, even the Beatles hired girls to scream for them. Frank Sinatra's career was built on hired bobby soxers. I know you'll deny it and inflate your ego some more, but neither of us will be able to prove that they're right, so I guess we'll have to agree to disagree."

"So let's move on to what you say about me. I'm pale and I'm scrawny. No kidding Vince, I'm well aware of that. I've heard it all hundreds of times, and I'm perfectly fine with who I am. I could use a tanning bed and stick a needle in my ass, but those aren't very healthy activities. I could get skin cancer and my balls could shrivel up. Would you be happy if that happened to me? Probably would, jackass. Well I'm through trying to impress others, giving in to peer pressure has already screwed up my life enough as it is."

Blake pulls out a cigarette.

"Bad enough I'm stuck with this habit. Anyway, you talk about my snake. Yes he's named Hitler. I didn't name him that by the way. I probably should have changed it, but eh... it's cheap heat. Yes I know another wrestler already carried a snake with him, but guess what Vinny? There's not too much originality in the wrestling world. We all barrow, pay homage, rip off other wrestlers. Stone Cold Steve Austin was basically a white redneck Bad News Allen with some of Sandman's traits mixed in. Besides, I'm not really that much like Jake Roberts. I'm not a fat crackhead for instance."

Blake lights up and exhales.

"Not content to talk shit about me, are you? You gotta diss my friend Scrotus. Wow talk about shooting fish in a barrel. Yeah, he's not remotely the most photogenic guy in the company. He'll never win a Nobel prize either. But you know what, he still gets up and does his job to the best of his ability and I know that I can trust him to stay by my side through bad times and good. Can we say the same about your old lady? Yeah, she's pretty hot, I admit. She could probably have any straight guy she wanted. She's with you now, but what if you lost your money? What if you were injured and couldn't be active anymore? What if she got fed up with all the screaming girls? Hell, all it really takes is a guy with a bigger wallet and/or a bigger cock. But she'd stay with you and not cheat, right? You're absolutely sure about that? Then again, if anyone's cheating, it would probably be you. You got all those hot young ladies screaming your name 24/7, and you know many of them will do things that your wife would never do (though she could be a raging slut, I really have no idea). You have the money, the looks, the fame, you could be banging hot sluts in every town you wrestle in. Maybe you are no Tiger Woods, but you must have given in to those biological urges at least once. I don't care how hot a woman is, eventually, most men will get tired of fucking her, or at least putting up with her shit in order to fuck her. And you two got married, so unless the tv and every standup comic has lied to me, there ain't that much married fucking going on. But I guess you two got a real storybook marriage going on, don'tcha? Hey we'll see how long that lasts."

"You know, Vinny boy, I have to say something about the language you use. Calling us retards, bitches, faggots, that kinda bugs me. Sure, I use those kind of words myself, but see, I know I'm an asshole. I like to piss people off. I'm supposed to be a bad guy. But you Liger, you're supposed to be the big hero of this promotion. You are held to a much higher standard then punks like me. Maybe you should try bringing a little class to this company. I know you're just another dumb homophobic jock, but you don't have to be so transparent. But I guess that's what it takes to sell t-shirts to 12-year old boys, so maybe you're on the right path."

" I may be just...what was it again...a faggot anorexic-lookin lumberjack...very creative Vinny...but I'm the one with the courage to go out there and stand up to you. I'm the one with the courage to come back and face you again this weekend. Call it stupidity, ignorance, whatever you like, but the fact is that I won't go way Liger. I'm going keep coming at you with everything I've got, cause you are the one with everything to lose and I'm the one with everything to gain. If you beat me, so what? You're just doing what everyone expected you to do. But if I beat you...well I don't have to spell it out for you, do I? But don't worry, upsets rarely ever happen, what do you have to worry about?"

Blake blows smoke at the screen.

"Just the possibility of your legendary career going up in smoke."

Blake laughs.

"Good luck pal."

/black
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