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| A new nation shall be born | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Oct 9 2007, 07:03:46 PM (1,045 Views) | |
| MARF SANTANGELO | Oct 9 2007, 07:03:46 PM Post #1 |
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my favorite snack is cornflakes
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Dear Red States... We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California. To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire. With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you. Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties. By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico. Peace out, Blue States |
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| rnn2walls | Oct 9 2007, 07:09:22 PM Post #2 |
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*does a backflip*
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Somehow, I doubt those stats are true. |
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The opinions expressed in the above post are totally and completely correct. If you disagree with them, you are wrong, there's just no other way to put it. I've seen knights in armor panic at the first hint of battle. And I've seen the lowliest, unarmed squire pull a spear from his own body, to defend a dying horse. Nobility is not a birthright. It's defined by one's actions. -Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
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| John McCain | Oct 9 2007, 07:17:09 PM Post #3 |
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The sun is yellow, btw
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uncorrupted lulz, california |
| lol @ people assuming people who don't get along are trolls | |
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| Stone Kirby | Oct 9 2007, 07:21:29 PM Post #4 |
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¢¾¢Ü!?
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While you guys all do that, I'll go form my own country. MAGUSIA, FUCK YEAH |
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| rnn2walls | Oct 9 2007, 07:30:11 PM Post #5 |
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*does a backflip*
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Annex Georgia! |
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The opinions expressed in the above post are totally and completely correct. If you disagree with them, you are wrong, there's just no other way to put it. I've seen knights in armor panic at the first hint of battle. And I've seen the lowliest, unarmed squire pull a spear from his own body, to defend a dying horse. Nobility is not a birthright. It's defined by one's actions. -Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
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| roarshock | Oct 9 2007, 07:31:07 PM Post #6 |
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metalgod.
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... this made me uncorrupted lulz rather hard... |
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| reknamarken | Oct 9 2007, 07:50:03 PM Post #7 |
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Gnarls Barkley
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Massachusetts, Vermont, and quebec are to busy making our own country. |
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| Chaffeemancer | Oct 9 2007, 07:50:38 PM Post #8 |
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Open your heart to the light of googly eyes.
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*takes Delaware and turns into an independent nation* All yer chicken are belong to us. |
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| Mia Fey | Oct 9 2007, 08:15:36 PM Post #9 |
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Unregistered
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lolwut |
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| Stone Kirby | Oct 9 2007, 08:18:39 PM Post #10 |
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¢¾¢Ü!?
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You do know that your proposed nation is divided into three parts not counting Hawaii, right? The West Coast, part of the Midwest, and the Northeast. |
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| Itachi | Oct 9 2007, 08:27:34 PM Post #11 |
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Cool like a breeze
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Greatest thing I've read in quite some time. |
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| MARF SANTANGELO | Oct 9 2007, 08:50:06 PM Post #12 |
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my favorite snack is cornflakes
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it's copy pasta and i completely disagree with it, but i still lulzd at it. |
![]() fujck you jmagu s y ou htinktyoure so col. | |
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| F3nnies | Oct 9 2007, 08:52:53 PM Post #13 |
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CANNON-BANNED
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I completely agree with it and wish it happened. |
![]() ![]() ![]() A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned to walk forward. - Franklin D. Fucking Roosevelt | |
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| Hammer Kirby | Oct 9 2007, 09:06:54 PM Post #14 |
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Go outside
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Who needs nations when you can decentralize further and have individuals? |
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| John McCain | Oct 9 2007, 09:39:37 PM Post #15 |
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The sun is yellow, btw
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It's powerful democratic stance is it's downfall. Srsly, if it's that liberal and athiest, Muslim radicals ARE gonna target it. But in every other way it's good. |
| lol @ people assuming people who don't get along are trolls | |
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