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| Heck its Friday time to Laugh | |
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| Topic Started: Jun 4 2008, 04:45 PM (22 Views) | |
| Kimmers | Jun 4 2008, 04:45 PM Post #1 |
Newbie
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Once there was a man who was upset by his past deeds that he decided to visit a church and confess all of his sins. When he arrived at the church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the pastor. "Father, I am sinful." "Yes, son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you." "Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend, it's been 3 years and nothing serious ever happened between us. Yesterday, I visited her house, nobody was at home except for her sister. We were alone and I slept with her." "That's bad my boy, fortunately you realize your mistake." "Father, last week I went to her office to look for her, but nobody was around except for one of her colleagues, so I slept with her too." "That's not very good of you." "Father, last month, I went to her uncle's house to look for her, nobody was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too." "Father?......... Father?" Suddenly this guy realized that there was no response from the Father, he walked over and discovered that the Pastor was not there. So he began searching for him. "Father? Where are you?" He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the table behind the piano. "Father, why are you hiding here?" "Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except me." - - - - - A minister was walking to church one morning when he passed one of his members working in his garden. "Can't you hear those bells calling you to church?" asked the minister. "Eh, what's that?" said the member. "Can't you hear those bells calling you to church?" "I'm afraid you'll have to speak a little louder!" said the member. "CAN'T YOU HEAR THOSE BELLS CALLING YOU TO CHURCH?!" shouted the minister. "I'm sorry," said the member, "I can't hear you because of those damned BELLS!" - - - - - The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire. - - - - - In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is. - - - - - "I've got good kids; I love my kids. I'm trying to bring them up the right way, not spanking them. I find waving the gun around gets the same job done." -- Unknown - - - - - Thought For The Day: A TAXPAYER VOTING FOR A DEMOCRAT .... IS LIKE A CHICKEN VOTING FOR COL. SANDERS! - - - - - A professor was taking in the scene at a popular L. A. nightspot when a mini-skirted Valley Girl sashayed over to him and said, "Like, I want you to totally screw my brains out." "Sorry," he replied, "I'm not into quickies.” - - - - - Moshe was recovering in hospital from prostate surgery. To make matters worse, his surgeon had told him that it would be six weeks before he could be sexually active again. Peter visited him to wish him well. Robert visited him to wish him a speedy recovery. His friend Abe visited his wife! - - - - - Two friends were at a bar discussing life and love. One said, "Would you believe that out of them ot of all the women I've been with not a one of them was a virgin? It'd be nice if girls saved themselves for marriage. I think it would cure a big part of the huge divorce crisis we have." "Yeah, Jim, I hear you," said the other. "Out of all the women I've been with I've only had two virgins myself; my wife and yours." - - - - - A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined." "It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer. "Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?" "Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge." Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked!" "I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them." "But, I did send them." "What? You did?" said the lawyer, incredulously. "Yes. That's how we won the case." "I don't understand," said the lawyer. "It's easy. I sent the cigars to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff's business card." |
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7:29 AM Nov 24
