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| Robot Bastards Results | |
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| Topic Started: Feb 16 2017, 01:56 AM (891 Views) | |
| BEES | Feb 16 2017, 01:56 AM Post #1 |
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I've never lived by anyone's rules but my own.
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RB Week 1 Lightweights Entity 303 vs Bunx Entity box rushes Bunx right from the start of the match, and deflects the initial hit. Bunx finds it difficult to do damage against the heavily armored sloped wedge, and is quickly bullied around the arena. Bunx is able to stave off early flips thanks to the stabilizing power of the spinner, but eventually Bunx is pinned to a wall and flipped. I realize the description says that Bunx is able to self right, however the self-righting pole is much too short and not angled, thus wouldn't be able to tip Bunx back over onto it's wheels. Bunx is counted out. Entity 303 wins by a knockout in 1:59. Exotherm vs. Jesus Built My Hotrod The first hit is Jesus's, as his huge speed lets him slam right into Exotherm. Unfortunately, once Exotherm gets the blade up to speed, there isn't much Jesus can do to counter. Every hit does insane amounts of damage and it doesn't take long for Exotherm to finish off Jesus. It's just too easy for the blade to get back up to speed for Jesus's drive advantage to make a difference. Exotherm wins by a knockout in 1:10. The Storm vs. Endless Clowns Endless clowns? Just think about how much Clown Breath that would be! As for the fight at hand, Clowns is targeting the spinner half of the Storm. He’s able to plow into it without suffering much more than some scrapes and scratches to his front. Ball Lightning bounces off and rebounds off a wall. Clowns keeps moving so that Blue Thunder can’t catch up. He rams Lightning over the saws, but Thunder sneaks in and gives him a flip for his troubles! Clowns tumbles through the air, but lands right side up. Clowns keeps targeting Lightning and shoves him into a drum which flips the spinner over. Lightning begins bouncing around trying to self-right and Clowns goes to turn his attention to Thunder. But Thunder is right there and ready to give Clowns another flip. Clowns retreats away for a moment and then moves back in. He outdrives Thunder enough to give him a good ram to a hammer. Lightning is still having trouble self-righting. The rest of the fight is more or less even with Thunder getting in a couple more flips quickly before Clowns completely bullies him for the last 30 seconds or so. Endless Clowns wins 3-2 Redline vs. Mean Streak Wasn’t expecting to start this one off with a wedge vs. wedge battle, but here we go! Ultimately Redline is able to use its better speed and control to attack the weak corners of Mean Streaks’ wedge and it’s straight to the nearest corner we got. On the plus side Mean Streak is able to avoid getting destroyed by the hammer right away because his drum ends up taking the abuse. Redline backs off a bit and Mean Streak comes out but is quickly re-wedged and this time Redline gets him better positioned under the hammer. The hazard pounds murderously upon Mean Streak’s chassis. There’s only so much abuse that chassis can take and smoke begins pouring out in short order. Redline wins by KO in 1:02 Firebrand vs Eat Me Firebrand charges out towards the center of the arena and Eat Me uses his experimental drive to strafe the oncoming box rush and does so. However, Firebrand sees this coming and quickly alters his attack. He meets Eat Me head-on while the melty-thwack seems to have some trouble getting fully spun up. It seems to me that it is having drive issues, maybe this arena floor might be a bit too slick from the debris for it to do so. Firebrand plows into Eat Me and plows him into the wall. Firebrand then backs off some and Eat Me is trying to strafe away and spin up again. Firebrand doesn't give his opponent the chance and plows him again, this time closer to the corner and the drum hazards. Eat Me is momentarily caught up in the hazards, but manages to free itself. It's getting desperate, now and maneuvers madly away from Firebrand, who does a quick spinup with the thwack tail before perusing Eat Me, once again. Eat Me spins up one last time, but again, its drivetrain is just not handling well and Firebrand plows it into the wall, once more, before time's up. 5-0 Unanimous decision to Firebrand! Wedge Trimmer vs Dead The massive disc might make it harder for Dead to turn, but it also protects a fuckton of area. With that in mind, Wedge Trimmer’s really not getting around him, and in fact ends up getting disc to its side instead of disc to its weapon, with rather devastating results. WT starts smoking, and moving rather erratically. The frustration on the driver’s face indicates that this is probable not intentional. In the meantime, Dead’s recovered quite nicely from the hit, and is moving in for another. This time they go mano-a-mano, Dead not quite able to flank the semi-mobile Wedge Trimmer. The result of this encounter is WT’s weapon belt hanging loosely off its track, with that side of the robot rather bent. This makes WT’s life difficult further, as the angle has it half-lifted off of an already janky wheel. Dead, now upside-down but relatively unharmed, comes back in for the third hit. The smoke becomes more pronounced. Actually, I think we can actually see fire coming through the hole Dead made. I think that’s game. Your winner, by KO in 1:34, is Dead! Pooky The Lawnmower vs Dr. P. Unfortunately 7 speed isn’t quite enough to box rush. The first hit is devastating; a massive tear in the front armor of Dr. P forms, as Pooky flies out of control. A googly eye impacts the lexan as the robot begins to stop bouncing off of things. Dr. P. is back on the case, and takes another massive hit that rips off a wedge prong, again sending Pooky into a wall. Pooky ain’t looking so good at this point either; his entire frame was bent at a strange angle from that 4th impact off the wall, and it can’t really spin up now without knocking itself about the arena. This does make it a bitch for Dr. P. to catch, seeing as how he’s also lost function of his front right wheel. Eventually through a combination of damaging himself and Dr. P.’s hammering, Pooky finally dies. Your winner, by KO in 2:02. Is Dr. P.! No Clearance vs Zombie Killer Starts out as a dogfight as both bots maneuver around. Zombie Killer tries to avoid the forks, but gets clipped. No Clearance, true to its name, gets under and grabs the corner, giving Zombie Killer a push to the killsaws before it slinks off. Some more maneuvering. ZK and NC get locked in a head-on embrace and Zombie’s superior torque wins out, pushing No Clearance to the killsaws now. This type of trade continues but Zombie Killer’s torque becomes a problem for No Clearance’s main mode of attack over time, as it can’t push ZK very far whenever it gets a hold. No Clearance gets under the wedge on ZK more often than not, ZK on the other hand has its way pushing No Clearance whenever its wedge gets caught in the clampers. So the interpretation among the judges is ambiguous. Zombie Killer wins a 3-2 decision Blue vs D.U.D.E. Blue advances quickly, trying to outflank DUDE, but Toxic keeps his bot’s front pointed at its foe at all times, edging forward. Ultimately the speed difference just isn’t enough for Blue to get around that front and the two collide, with DUDE getting under. A design flaw in DUDE’s flipper keeps it from firing, so all it can do is push Blue around. This however, it does handily. Blue gets slammed into two sets of killsaws and the wall before getting away, spinning around and getting its arm under DUDE’s side, but in attempting to flip, the magnets aren’t quite enough to hold both robots and it falls on its face, causing a very wimpy sort of flip that bumps DUDE away. DUDE wins a 4-1 decision Wingspan British Robotic Not So Evil Engine #9 Jamied666 NSEEN goes right on the attack against the squat spinning opponent. On the first collision that 10-armor holds and it gets right under and flings Wingspan a good distance. Wingspan, now inverted, pretty much unaffected otherwise and the two exchange blows again. Once again Wingspan gets flung by that flipper, remaining inverted, but those corners on the front of NSEEN make themselves known, and it’s taken some heavy damage from the hits. A third collision and pieces fly off the front, the gas now escaping from the flipper. Weaponless… NSEEN can only try to push after this point, but a series of bites from Wingspan eventually disables the drivetrain. Wingspan wins by KO at 2:21 Backstab 2 Wolf51-50 Frogbot Attackfrog Well, Backstab just goes for it, but Frogbot gets the best of the first exchange and gives it a good fling. Landing rightside-up, Backstab maneuvers around while Frogbot tries to get another followup, but that long arm is tough to aim. Backstab weaves around it and gets under, giving Frogbot a taste of the saws, and a taste of the wall. This goes on for a bit. That long range on the front flipper gives Frogbot an issue that when someone gets close, it actually has no way to defend itself. Attackfrog adjusts strategy towards the end and tries to defend and box out, but it’s no use. Backstab gets under the flipper anyway the second head-on collision, giving it another push. Still, it had a good start. Backstab wins a 4-1 decision Middleweights Whipcoil vs Pterodactyl Both of you goons angle in, so we mostly get head-on conflicts with some good ‘ol wedge wars shoved in. in general, Whipcoil is coming out on top, especially since he’s able to escape Pt’s wedge the first time he does get under, since he tries to shove him around instead of flipping immediately. Neither gets that much hazard time; Pt takes a hammer shot once or twice but mostly shakes free, and Pt’s never really able to herd whipcoil over to the OOTA zone. He does slightly better for a bit when he manages to get Whipcoil upsidedown around the 2 minute mark, since as soon as Dylan resets the jaws to the correct orientation, he flips him back right-side up. And then we’re right back to the back & forth. Whipcoil wins 3-2 Trump Ex Machina vs. Deception I voted for Bernie Sanders in the general election and I don't give a fuck. Deception wins by a knockout in 0:30. Plain As Butter vs. Outrage Throughout the match Outrage is able to score many easy hits on Plain As Butter's lifter, due to the radius of the disc, and Outrage's omni-directional drive allowing him to easily strafe. These hits continue to catch the corner of PAB's lifter, and near the end of the match it becomes clear that the lifter is hanging limply and completely incapacitated. Thankfully for PAB, Outrage was never quite able to get around the lifter, but PAB was never able to do much either. Outrage wins a 4-1 judges' decision. I Can’t Believe It’s Not Barrier vs. March or Die Oh my god, welcome to wedge hell everybody! The long and short of this one is that Barrier’s lifter control allows him to make better use of arena hazards than MoD’s flipper does. I mean there’s a good amount of back and forth, but Barrier’s ends up controlling more time during the match. Both get pretty well nicked up when all is said and done. I Can’t Believe It’s Not Barrier wins 3-2 Initial D vs BRVB Both robots head for the center of the arena, eyeing each other up and huge hit as both Initial D’s and BRVR’s weapons collide in a shower of sparks. They turn away, momentarily, before clashing again. Oh, BRVR is airborne as its spinner caught the arena floor and now lands inverted, but still functional. Initial D seems unfazed by that last encounter and backed off, waiting to see where his opponent landed, then charges in, but changes course and is aiming for BRVR’s wheels now. That blade on BRVR is higher up now that he’s inverted and another big hit by the drum spinner! BRVR is reeling now. Both bots have taken on damage, but BRVR is taking the brunt of it. Initial D goes to make another charge while it looks like BRVR is starting to smoke. Oh, another hit and BRVR is no longer moving. We have a count out, and yes, Initial D wins by K.O.! The Green Hornet vs Hoarfrost Box rush successful! Mostly! Hoarfrost gets bonked back a bit but he’s back on Green Hornet damned quickly. That being said, actually pushing him around is a chore, given the exposed rear wheels and Hoarfrost’s somewhat low torque, but we make it over to some killsaws eventually. They make pretty sparks, and free GH. There’s more pursuit as GH tries to spin up and nearly gets there, bonking away HF a few more times before he gets back under control. More shoving around, but GH slips off before any hazards come of it. and then ends up right back on the wedge a few seconds later, Hoarfrost scooping in under his side. To the hammers! Thunk. Whump. Thadunk. Bump. Thwump. OK I’m out of onomatopoetic words so we’re done here :V . there’s a dent or two on the top of the apparently lawn-mower themed undercutter, but nothing affecting his drive. We get more of the same throughout the match. NWOWWE’s able to get in one or two decent hits, and generally is squirmy enough to escape most trouble, but really fails to get much started, while Hoarfrost is driving the perfect anti-spinner match. Which means I actually have to go find the judge’s decision criteria for this competition now. How dare you! :V I guess I just give points? How uncreative. Hoarfrost wins, 3-2 Garuda vs Tiki Dude Corner city? Yes. Something a drum can take advantage of? Kinda? Garuda’s trying to flank, but that shit ain’t flyin’ EVERYBODY APPRECIATE MY PUN So she settles for a head-on attack. Well, actually, it’s not quite head-on. And because of that, Tiki dude hits a corner, sending her flying back a bit, landing upright but with a slightly upturned right pontoon. But no matter, because this next time she comes in straight. There’s some really ugly grinding noises, and some pretty sparks. Garuda begins to move longingly towards the OOTA zone, but decides to settle for (probably) a hazard instead; the driver perhaps wishing to avoid firing their weapon into the drum of tiki dude. Unfortunately turning towards a new target allows for Tiki Dude to finally squirm free, though the combination of his turning and the angled wedges of Garuda leads to him flipping himself. Now Garuda’s able to flank a bit better, though Tiki Dude’s still giving her a hard time of it. He gets a few glancing blows, and one connects somewhat solidly, nearly knocking it back on the correct end. But instead we get some more shoving around for a bit, until Tiki Dude starts to squirm free. Garuda fires the flipper, and flings it a decent way. The drum impacts the ground, and Tiki dude ends up flinging itself upright again. Inconveniently, he lands near Garuda again, and ends up scooped up, and shoved back towards the OOTA zone. FLIP! it’s nowhere close, though tiki dude does end up on his side for a bit before slowly falling upside-down once more. This time Tiki dude’s able to keep front facing long enough for Garuda to just give up and come into the drum again. Once again, it rides up the weapon, grinding all the way. But this time, with the weapon spinning in reverse relative to the ground, it catches on the back of the pointy bits up top of the robot, which flings Tiki dude behind Garuda. This lets Adam finally get away from that OOTA zone. Again the two dance around each other for a bit before Garuda is forced by Tiki dude to approach from the front. TD’s able to catch the right pontoon thingie again, ripping quite a hole in it, knocking both ‘bots back. Aaand, time! Tiki Dude wins 3-2 Heiðrún vs Trojan Horse Welp, Trojan Horse spent a bunch of weight on a crusher that can’t damage Heidrun, so it finds itself rather uncomfortable in this match as it cannot get around to the sides of its slightly faster opponent, and is forced to go for frontal confrontations… which it wins more often than not, but it doesn’t matter because Heidrun has more torque and simply pushes Trojan Horse while clamped, until it’s forced to let go and relent. The story of the match is Heidrun mostly pushing Trojan Horse around into the hazards while clamped, although Trojan Horse does manage to fake it out at one point (the long wedge of Heidrun is a bit slow to drag around) and get a grab on the side, getting its foe under the arena hammer for the last bit of the fight before it ends. Heidrun wins a 4-1 decision Water Strider vs Sucker Punch Sucker Punch first tries to attack Water Strider’s wheel pods by shooting the spinning side of its bar at them. This is a rather difficult shot to set up though. The first time it misses and Sucker Punch takes a direct hit, losing some armor from its back but no mobility. Quickly improvising, ACCount brings the wedged end of his bar in and while he’s unable to hang onto the wheel pods for very long, the wedge does manage to slip under Water Strider’s weapon with little harm done, causing the back of Water Strider’s big disc to hit the floor, slowing it. From there it’s able to bring Water Strider into the hazards. Using the wedge side of the arm, it’s able to win exchanges and control the fight from there, but Water Strider gets another hit towards the end, sliding over the top and nipping at the main body a bit… removing some mobility towards the end. Sucker Punch wins a 3-2 Judges Decision Chaotic Reaction vs Bluetooth Chaotic Reaction tries to assert its speed but because it has no wedge and its weapon isn’t powerful enough to do damage, it finds difficulty doing much of anything to Bluetooth which is basically a wedge with a bunch of wedges on sticks protruding from it, so every swing of the thwack simply lands it right in Bluetooth’s grasp. Using the rammer bar, Bluetooth brings its foe to various hazards around the arena… and not much else happens. Bluetooth wins a 5-0 decision Wulven vs Precise Saunter Wulven tries dodging and playing tricky, while Precise Saunter takes a similarly cautious approach. Boring robot fight happens for a little bit. Then Wulven manages to get itself over and gives Precise Saunter a nice fling around the arena and into the wedge wall, taking a shot from that hammer in the process but seemingly moving just fine for it. Another exchange and once again Wulven gets under, but TBR is able to bring that hammer down and leaves a nice dent on top. Wulven is still moving though and gives it a run over the killsaws. One more exchange and once again a smash to the top of Wulven, and then a push of Precise Saunter into a drum. Something is wrong though… one side of Wulven is moving a bit slower than the other side. This causes some turning issues, and Precise Saunter is able to land more hits after this on its slower opponent until eventually it becomes immobilized. Precise Saunter wins by KO at 2:49 Heavyweights Drunken Master vs. Hazardous Waste Removal Drunken Master is able to make good use of his mecanum drive to accelerate away after each hit and regain control. HWR's hits are unfortunately deflected and little damage is done, but he's consistently flinging Drunken Master away and preventing DM from following up with the hammer. Towards the end, HWR ricochets near a wall and is unable to fully get away before Drunken Master comes in and gets a couple of hammer blows. HWR is able to slip away, but Drunken Master is right there, and another collision sends HWR to the wall again. Drunken Master is accumulating damage on the front scoop, but is succeeding at keeping Hazardous Waste Removal close to the arena walls. He's unable to strike anymore hammer blows, however. Drunken Master wins by a 3-2 judges' decision. Justice vs. Methane Justice wins by forfeit (RP too long). Death Metal vs. Hellhound IV Basically the spinning bar whip around tactic just doesn’t really work too well for Death Metal. Hellhound is just too fast and mean. Death Metal ends up getting smothered into hazards during the fight. To be fair, it does land a couple cool looking shots, but nothing that helps give it a good opening to attack anything weaker on Hellhound. Eventually the hazards take their toll on Death Metal and put it down for the count. Hellhound wins by KO in 1:58 Doomerang vs. Le Tambour De Battaile Doomerang comes out strong, getting in a good shot that knocks Tambour for a loop. The main issue for Tambour quickly becomes the fact that it has no speed to dodge Doomerang at all. It manages to knock the melty-thwack away a couple times, but can’t get through the well armored teeth to the fragile chassis. At the very least Tambour’s armor holds up pretty well during the fight, so he’s never really out of it. Ultimately though, Doomerang ends up getting in most of the offense during the match. Doomerang wins 4-1 Coup de Grace vs Undertow Undertow heads for the center of the arena, while CdG flanks him for a bit, before moving in for the attack. Undertow is quick in getting to CdG's sides before the hammer bot can get around to put his hammer in play. Undertow gets under and flips CdG. However, the hammer bot quickly rights itself and tries to get a clean shot at the flipper. Undertow's superior speed and maneuverability is making it difficult for CdG. Undertow smartly backs off when CdG manages to spin around and attempts to line up for a shot and the flipper bot circles him and manages to get another shot on CdG, inverting him once again. A quick shot of the hammer quickly rights CdG and now he is driving like a madman, trying desperately to get in a shot with that hammer! Undertow continues to evade and now he's luring CdG over to the OOTA zone. CdG backs off some, not wanting to get near that wall and once again attempts to find a way to get a clean shot at Undertow. The two bots circle with Undertow eventually getting to the side of the hammerbot and getting one last flip in. CdG gets righted immediately, once again, but there's the buzzer. Time's up! Undertow wins a 5-0 unanimous decision! Meta Ridley vs True Hero Not only are you only half again his speed (not even near double), but your wedge is far too large for the armor bonus. That being said, the first hit crumples the bottom of the front wedge beyond recognition, but the angle of deflection knocks Meta Ridley upside-down, after much gyrodancing. Unfortunately TH can’t quite capitalize on this in time, as MR gets back up to speed by the time they impact again. This time, a large chunk of the wedge flies straight up flies off, and True hero’s gimping around one of its wheels a bit. It’s not dead, it just doesn’t always work :V . This time MR has to thwack off the encroaching True Hero in order to get enough time to spin back up. The thwack tail catches nicely on the flat sides of his opponent, knocking him away before MR comes back in with the murder disc of murder. Your winner, by KO in 1:23 is Meta Ridley! Tem shop vs V’ger You’re referencing rules that you haven’t officially entered into your own ruleset you goon :V . that being said I guess it’s the standard for how things go but you keep turning that on its head for this tourney so I’m gonna nag you anyway :V . anwho robot rushes other robot with its ass. Kinky. There’s a helluvalot of shoving going around for the first half of the match. Well, equal parts shoving and pursuit of a robot flopping about the place; he’s never really able to actually control V’ger for any length of time; he’s too slippery, doing a good job of knocking himself free. Eventually V’ger hits a corner shot, leaving a pretty gash, but not much else. This happens again about a half-minute later. Now TS is startin’ to move a good bit slower, aaand he’s been flipped as well. Struggling a bit with his mobility as it is, Hii goes for the immediate self-right, but even then V’ger’s back and smelling blood. Another good hit takes off a good deal of the side panel, but the match close saves Tem Shop any further damage. V’ger wins 3-2 Service Crew vs Snijmachine Playzooki rushes at the spinning machine but is shocked to find that Snijmachine has entered upside-down for the match, and that its weapon simply goes over Service Crew’s wedge, gouging the front corner of the robot and sending pieces flying. Now, moving in circles, Service Crew’s wedge comes up to try to lift the underside of Snij’s weapon bracket—to no avail. Snij lands another hit on the working side, bending the armor into the wheel, and that’s that. Snijmachine wins by KO in 0:57 Kraze vs Still Not PP3D Kraze rushes at PP3D’s spiritual clone with the flipper. The disc catches the protruding ‘fins’ on the front of Kraze, as it rides up, sending sparks flying and tearing a big bite out, but PP3D is destabilized and its disc hits the floor, slowing a bit. Kraze comes in and fires the flipper, flinging it over on its head, and from here it easily gets pushed around with minimal touching on Kraze. The disc, while damaging enough to do a number to Kraze, is too small to find purchase on its opponent while it’s inverted, and Kraze does enough pushing without recourse from there. Kraze wins a 3-2 Judges decision Hell's Grasp vs Massimo Massimo tries to maneuver around the clamp and bring its drum in, but struggles to hit anything other than the front plow of Hell’s Grasp when the two collide. Many collisions occur but ultimately Hell’s Grasp weathers the storm taking minimal damage from these exchanges, pushing Massimo into the hazards a few times. Hell’s Grasp wins a 4-1 Judges decision Rainbow in the Dark vs The Raven Mk2 GF93’s RP is too long. It’s 1300 characters long. I’m thinking he probably misread and thought it was a 500 word limit, instead of a 500 character limit. That said, I read your strategy, and it is rather heartbreaking to give you a forfeit here because I do agree in principle. You get to be the example for everyone I guess, for what happens. I’m really sorry man. ![]() The Raven wins by FF All done! Fight cards will be up later today. Edited by BEES, Feb 17 2017, 03:22 PM.
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| BEES | Mar 2 2017, 02:15 AM Post #2 |
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I've never lived by anyone's rules but my own.
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WEEK 2 LW Backstab 2 vs. Dr. P Sorry Dr. P, but a late RP means a FF for you. Backstab 2 wins by FF Dead vs. Exotherm Both of these guys know exactly what they want out of this match, and they get right to it. Dead’s disc o’ doom slashes the front shield of Exotherm. That’s a nice sized hole after just one hit! They go at it again and that hole becomes a much bigger one. A third hit from Dead and a good chunk of the front armor is gone. Another hit and it’s pretty much ALL gone. A fifth hit actually hurts Exotherm a lot, but Dead is now living up to his own name. Exotherm wins by TKO in 2:05 Jesus Built my HotRod vs Blue The lights are on, the box is locked, it's ROBOT FIGHTIN' TIME! Jesus Built my HotRod rushes out to meet with Blue, who doesn't seem to be in much of a hurry to get to the center of the arena. JBMH quickly gets around to the side of the tracked flipper, who definitely seems to have some trouble maneuvering. JBMH slams Blue from the side and takes him to the wall in a hurry. Now Nick's robot does not possess an active weapon, but that sure looked like those spikes put some dents in Blue; that's quite some impressive power in that thing! JBMH backs away and Blue gets rolling again as both bots head to the center of the arena again. JBMH is not wasting any time, however, and is right at Blue's side, once again. Blue desperately tries to swing around to get that powerful flipper at the side of Nick's robot, but to no avail. *Slam*, another ride into the wall, and this time it's into the drums, which proceed to chew up Blue's armor some more. Man, what kind of drive motors is Nick using in that thing?! Once again, JBMH backs off and circles back, avoiding that OOTA zone. One mistake and Blue's flipper would send him flying over that wall, for sure. But, Nick is keenly aware of where his robot is, and so, comes up behind Blue this time. Blue seems to be showing more difficulty maneuvering now and the Hotrod that Jesus Built is once more taking it to the...wait, it's stopped dead in its tracks. Blue tries to-oh wait, there's the killsaws, which Blue is sitting right on top of. Oh, I see now. JBMH is giving Blue a tour of the arena hazards. Next stop, the pulverizers! Blue really looks worse for wear now in the final seconds of the match. And there's the buzzer! This one's going to the judges. Your winner by 5-0 Unanimous decision is Jesus Built my Hotrod! Endless Clowns vs. Zombie Killer Zombie Killer tries to angle in but Endless Clowns is able to keep his lifter pressed even on the angle in attempted and still gets underneath Zombie Killer. The spinner gives the pushbot a pop with the spinner, and then a follow up shot for some more damage. This happens again and the front wedge has a warp in it that looks makes it more difficult for ZK to get underneath. The speed advantage isn't enough for Zombie Killer to go for the sides, and while he tries to juke Endless Clowns into pressing the lifter and then attempting to go for the sides, he's only really able to do this once and doesn't take full advantage of it. Endless Clowns wins in a 4-1 judges' decision. Entity 303 vs. Firebrand Firebrand has ten speed. 10. Ten Speed. He has ten speed. If Entity 303 wedges Firebrand, he reverses quickly. He has ten speed. Entity 303 gets under Firebrand a lot, but fails to really do anything to the speedy (ten speed) thwack. In return, Firebrand can't really push Entity 303 around, nor does his thwack do much of anything at all. A really boring match. Firebrand wins in a 3-2 judges' decision. Eat Me vs Wedge Trimmer Eat me lurches towards the center of the arena. It kinda lists off to the left, which Cha0s ferret tries to correct. The robot then launches to the right. Giving up and realizing that this is probably close enough to the middle, he begins to spin in place. Enter Wedge Trimmer, who whacks the spinning box of confusion. This happens a few more times, both getting knocked too far away from each other on hit to follow up with anything. By the 4th hit, Eat Me’s wedges aren’t looking so hot, but WT’s weapon is suspiciously quiet…. That weirdass thing managed to break Wedge Trimmer’s weapon? Wedge Trimmer keeps coming at Eat Me, trying to slow it down, which just ends up with one of its wheels not working eventually. And this is where not having any melty drive makes the match a bit irritating, since Eat Me can’t actually approach its opponent and be particularly dangerous at the same time. He tries wedging her a bit, but can’t get anywhere that fast, and eventually loses control of WT. he then tries to wedge again, and misses. Spins about for a bit, but no contact is made. Tries to move in with the wedge again, rides up WT’s front. Tries again. Misses. Tries once move. Misses. Spins up for a bit, and WT accidentally runs into him. That was a frustrating match. Eat Me wins 3-2 DUDE vs No Clearance IDK how a wedge on his flipper is supposed to be overly confusing, but No Clearance does get to angle in successfully regardless, so there’s that. From there it’s a pretty uneven back-and-forth of No Clearance mostly getting under DUDE, even from the front. Toxic does get a couple of flips in courtesy of No Clearance oversteering and exposing his side, but the invertable robot is rather unphased by these developments, and goes right on pushing. He does very nearly strand DUDE in a corner on a few wedges, but he’s able to eventually use his flipper to free himself with 5 seconds left on the KO countdown. No clearance wins 4-1! Meanstreak – Madman vs. The Storm – Sylandro Blue Thunder tries to distract, but Meanstreak doesn’t care and tries to outflank it to go after Ball Lightning. While slower, it’s fast enough to box Meanstreak out and Madman gives in and engages the flipper. Both robot’s teeth get under the other and the drum simply flings Blue Thunder away. With an opening now, Meanstreak trades weapon blows with Ball Lightning, which flings it into the wall. Another trade and it’s upside-down. Meanwhile Blue Thunder capitalizes and flips Meanstreak. Ball Lightning gets back on its wheels. Blue Thunder hits the currently-overhand-running drum which flings Meanstreak back rightside up now. The faster robot backs off and regroups for another run. Ball Lightning’s weapon isn’t working, Blue Thunder tries to engage the weapon again this time the weapon on Meanstreak flings it upside down. Another hit and gas flies out of Blue Thunder’s tank on its back. Ball Lightning comes in to assist but takes a fling as well, and now upside-down and weaponless too, both bots are counted out. Meanstreak wins by KO in 2:01 Bunx – Hiicantpk vs. Apathy And Lethargy - GF93 Bunx tries to go after Apathy, or is it Lethargy? Does it matter? The robot that ends up being there is in fact the rear-hinged flipper, which is confirmed when Bunx rides over it and gets popped by the flipping arm. The gyroscopic force of Bunx saves it from falling over, but it destabilizes and flings across the floor, over a killsaw pit and off the wall. Apathy is in hot pursuit now, taking a smack from the slowed weapon and Bunx is now encircled by both bots. Lethargy’s weapon is jammed shut, as it tries to push the shelled foe over to a drum to flip it. Bunx spinning in its shell wiggles off and begins to spin back up again, and Apathy takes a hit for the team, being flung away in the process. Lethargy once again tries to hit Bunx while it’s off-kilter from the hit. Both bots moving at the same speed, it manages to get under, and as Bunx’s weapon digs into the floor it slows once more. Lethargy appears to be moving in circles from that last hit. So it’s all on Apathy now. Who cares though? Apathy manages to push a temporarily slowed Bunx into a drum, flinging the lightweight over effortlessly. Bunx starts to spin back up but doesn’t right itself right away. Apathy now pushes the inverted Bunx around the floor like a big dreidel, under the hammer now, ouch. Bunx continues moving but rather than try to let it get counted out, the single working cluster takes it on a tour, Mauler style, to finish off. Apathy and Lethargy win a 5-0 decision Pooky the Lawnmower - Botomatic1000 vs. Frogbot – Attackfrog Pooky spins up, and the lexan walls of the arena seem to vibrate in their sockets. Frogbot bravely leaves its square, intending to sucker punch this beast or die trying. Frogbot gets under the spinning blade, sparks flying off at a maddening rate as the blade rides up the big scoop. The angle of the tongue is low enough to get away with this for a short while, but the corners on the tongue are weak points and BAM! Frogbot is tossed asunder and the tongue is bent in half. Pooky is still moving and comes in with a second hit. KAPOW! Pooky rides up the tongue this time and hits Frogbot’s front, tearing the whole right side panel off, a wheel motor rolls along the floor over to the killsaw pit as if to say “Y Tho”? Frogbot’s not moving. Pooky’s still moving after just the two hits, and it’s over. Pooky wins by KO in 0:41 Redline - Badnik96 vs. Wingspan - British Robotics Redline’s wedge takes a hit on the nose from Wingspan’s blade and that becomes the story of the fight, as Wingspan gets bossed around like a killer hockey puck. There’s simply too much speed. Wingspan never gets a chance to hit anything other than the 12 point wedge, as it takes a tour of the arena hazards. Redline wins by 5-0 JD MW Outrage vs. Trump Ex Machina This is a visual spectacle for the ages as Outrage has lit his own teeth on fire! I wonder how Trump would feel about an opponent that is literally “flaming”. As nice as it would be to get on with gratuitous destruction, the wall’s nigh invulnerability is so dismally real that we’re going to have to be patient for a moment. The fiery spinner hurtles itself against the wall, ready to break down barriers for all those not stuck in 1950s thinking. Well the wall may be mostly unscathed, but it seems Trump himself has received a long overdue no-anesthetic circumcision! Even more humorously, he flops through the air before landing with a satisfying crash! The real Trump needs to take lessons in how to bump from his robotic doppelganger. If he could sell a hit even half as well as this bot, I’d have found his WWE appearances a whole lot more entertaining. Of course, just like the real Trump, robot Trump can’t be gotten rid of so easily. Outrage is more than happy to continue smacking him around the arena. Trump bounces off walls and saws to the overwhelming delight of the audience. After getting juggled awkwardly by one of the drums, Trump is left wide open to be hit directly with the flaming weapon! Fortunately Alex had the foresight to coat the bot in a flammable substance so Trump Ex Machina is now Trump Ex Bonfire. Realistically this is probably a serious fire hazard that would stop the fight then and there, but fuck that shit! Let the fun continue! Outrage continues smacking around the towering inferno that was once Trump. Globs of molten material fall off the bot wildly and burn on the floor. The fun reaches its final point when Trump is smacked into a corner where the hammer pounds down upon it reducing the bot to a smoking, mutated ruin of its former self. Outrage wins by KO in 2:59 Hoarfrost vs Heidrun The Lights are on, the Box is locked, it's Robot Fightin' Time! Whoah, Hoarfrost goes for Heidrun's sides, but Heidrun's not falling for that. It turns and comes down with its arm as a clamper. HoarFrost manages to escape and quickly speeds away, however, and is now on the attack again. It speeds after Heidrun and catches it before it can mount another attack and gets sent into a nearby wall-ouch! Heidrun raises it's arm again and chases after HoarFrost. Charles is driving like a madman and Hoarfrost goes for Heidrun once again but misses when Heidrun darts out of the way of the attack. Gabe quickly wheels Heidrun around and manages to catch Hoarfrost and brings down that clamp. He's got Hoarfrost clamped and Charles is doing everything he can to escape its grasp. Hoarfrost does manage to wriggle free and speeds off again to line up for another attack. Heidrun is staying put near a corner and behind a killsaw slot. Charles neither doesn't notice or cares and charges Hoarfrost at his adversary's robot. Up come the killsaws and catches Hoarfrost, doing no damage, but preventing a ramming attack. Heidrun takes the opportunity to utilize his clamp again and has Hoarfrost temporarily immobilized. He looks to have a better grip on Hoarfrost this time around and slowly pushes it over to the nearby pulverizer. It gets a hit on Hoarfrost, but that this also loosens Heidrun's grasp and Hoarfrost once again speeds away. Heidrun stays near the corner to avoid more rushing attacks. Yeah, it's not the most aggressive strategy, but it's getting the job done. And speaking of job done-there goes the buzzer. This is going to the judges. Well, now-after a bit of deliberating, our esteemed judges have made a 4-1 decision. Your winner is Heidrun! Deception vs. Whipcoil Whipcoil comes in hard with the plow, but gets popped up and back. This is a process that happens often as Deception is just such an awkward shape for Whipcoil to approach. To his credit, he gets to Whipcoil's sides a couple times and punishes Deception hard, but that's countered by the couple of times Whipcoil gets flipped and Deception is able to get some corner damage on the wedge in addition to another flip. Whipcoil's plow isn't too hurt, but he has a lot of trouble taking control of the fight. Deception wins in a 4-1 judges' decision. Initial D vs. Sucker Punch ----------------- So... somehow I ended up having two versions of this fight. Both have the same winner ultimately. I think I'm just gonna leave them both up here. And in your heart of hearts, YOU, the reader get to decide which one you like more! ----------------- (Version 1) Sucker Punch doesn’t feel quite kosher, but eh. Actually for the most part the drum on Initial D does a better job. Sucker Punch does knock him away a few times, but has difficulty following up. Inevitably, the drum takes out the main chassis of Sucker Punch and puts it down for the count. Short fight, but I’m way behind this week! Initial D wins by KO in 1:33 (Version 2) ACCount says that the spinning drum on the ramming bar gets a potential 14 weapon power when fired at full speed, but, uhh, I'm not exactly sure that's how something like that would work, especially given that the weapons are working across two separate planes. It's fine to imagine someone standing on top of a train, and they jump forward off the train, their vector is the velocity of the train + the velocity of the jump. But because the spinning drum goes upward, it'd be like jumping vertically off the train. Their vector is now the horizontal velocity of the train + the vertical velocity of the jump. You're not increasing the vertical magnitude at all, nor are you increasing the horizontal magnitude. Now, the drum isn't technically a one hundred percent vertical magnitude, as there are periods on the drum where it is moving horizontal, but because of how fast a spinning weapon moves, we can basically account for it as being a vertical magnitude. Either way, this is to say that if there is any increase in damage, it's that you're doing two kinds of damage at once. But they are both still 7 power. These things should definitely be discussed more heavily before the start of the tournament and, frankly, we should probably delay the beginning of every tournament by a week to go over this. But Sucker Punch doesn't even try to use the drum anyway so this is entirely moot. Sucker Punch constantly fires the the ramming bar into the drum, but the drum is too fast to spin back up and the ramming bar just doesn't have enough armor when it's constantly taking corner damage. Sucker Punch looks really ugly by the end of the fight and the wedge on the ramming bar is actually torn off midway through. Somehow Sucker Punch does survive but this was a bad fight for him. Initial D wins by a 5-0 judges' decision. ------------------ Pterodactly vs Plain as Butter Definitely thought Plain as Butter was Blue for a while there and was quite confused. Pat totally predicts the press at the last moment strategy, so he gets under the side of a surprised Pterodactyl, and shoves him about for a bit. The flat wedge is making it a bit hard for him to control his opponent, so he tries lifting him up a bit - but lifting is a rather imprecise science given that he has a fast lifter and an unoptimized shape for actually lifting opponents. So he accidentally flips Pt, while falling on his face. Both robots self-right and face off from there, and PaB is right back on Pt’s case, this time getting under from the front, as BEES can’t react quickly enough to press. Again, PaB struggles to do too much given that Pt does still have treads on the floor, but Pt can’t exactly escape easily either – oh wait never mind he j-hooked away. Took a pulverizer shot in the meantime though. Still struggling to get breathing room, he finally manages to slide under the side of PaB and FLIP! He tries shoving PaB about from there, but the quick lifter of his opponent prevents him from doing much there. He settles instead for another flip, and then a third after a bit of a wedge war in which he manages to press before Pat can react. This flings Plain as butter into a drum, which in turn tosses him back onto his wheels again. He tries to bait Pt’s pressing again, but this time BEES was expecting it, and just plows straight into the side of PaB as he tries to get around. Another flip, and then the match ends. Plain as Butter wins 3-2! Chaotic Reaction vs Cement mixer TARDY! Chaotic Reaction wins by FF The Green Hornet – NWOWWE vs. Trojan Horse – Sylandro With the insanely overpowered anti-spinner attachment on it (seriously, we can shift that many points with attachments? That’s dumb. You can bet your entire ass that rule will be gone next time!), Trojan Horse smashes into the spinning blade of the Green Hornet without a fear in the world, taking it on a grand tour. Despite laying into that wedge many times throughout the fight, and not ever getting pushed to a totally passive position, not even a scratch appears on Trojan Horse by the end. Trojan Horse wins by a 5-0 decision Water Strider – Attackfrog vs. BRVR - Mystic2000 Water Strider goes for a head on collision and BRVR tries to hit the wheel pods. The first couple times a weapon collision occurs, sending both bots spinning. Ultimately the more exposed wheels of Water Strider provide a juicier target for BRVR’s blade which eventually gets pulled to one side and slices the wheels. Reduced to moving in circles, Water Strider tries to defend, eventually BRVR manages to box it in and get the other side. BRVR wins by KO in 1:59 Wulven - Botomatic1000 vs. March or Die – Playzooki Both robots trade wedgings of each other for the 3 minutes, Wulven taking MoD to the killsaws a couple times, MoD giving Wulven a good flip, and then getting under and getting another. It’s a close tussle but ultimately MoD has a slightly easier time getting under with its two wheeled front wedge as opposed to the tougher-to-aim forks on Wulven. March or Die wins by a 4-1 JD Tiki Dude – Toxic vs. Bluetooth - The Monsterworks Bluetooth shoots out and tries to fire its weapon on Tiki, but 1 point is simply being stretched too far here, and its weapon doesn’t move all that much before the drum smacks its front while it’s sitting there. The drum repels the wedged front on Bluetooth’s bar, resetting the situation. Coming in again with the arms a bit more forward in advance for a clamp, this time Bluetooth’s arms find themselves victims of the drum—the whole robot gets tossed from the 14 point weapon, and as Bluetooth rights itself, Tiki lays in a solid hit--on the main body this time. There is good and bad news here. The good news is that Bluetooth’s armor is 10 instead of 9 because its weapon breaks the 33% rule by a hilarious margin. This prevents it from dying. The bad news is that it does take damage from a 4 point split still, and after a few repeat hits, it finally gets flung on its wheels again. Some maneuvering occurs; the two robots smash heads a couple more times. Towards the end of the fight, Bluetooth manages to ride underneath the drum and slam Tiki into the hammers, which is a good way to end, but not good enough. Tiki Dude wins by a 5-0 JD I Can't Believe It's Not Barrier vs Precise Saunter So... instead of getting this fight, I got a second copy of a different fight, and I didn't notice until I started tallying up the wins that this was never written, so you guys get a last-minute written fight from me instead. Witness Protection Program Barrier pushes Precise Saunter all over the arena and things look great at first, but it can do nothing to stop the torrent of hammer blows to its top armor, which slowly and systematically take it apart. By the end of the fight, it's smoking and loses drive on one side. It's one of those "all damage vs all control" types of tough decisions. Precise Saunter ultimately takes a 3-2 JD HW V'Ger vs Meta Ridley Oh boy, this is going to quite the spectacle... The Lights are on, the Box is locked, it's Robot Fightin' Time! Both robots spin up and head straight for each other in the center of the arena. These two are definitely not afraid of each other. *Smash* as bar meets disk and both bots are flung back a few feet, but seem unscathed. V'Ger and Meta Ridley are at it again and another devastating clash of metal. This time, V'Ger sails up and over Meta Ridley and lands on his wheels just behind Meta Ridleys thwack tail. Spatch AKA BEES AKA Vatnos notices and swings V'Ger around before Meta Ridley can do the same and that spinning bar amputates the tail, throwing it into the corner! Uh oh, NWOWEE is pissed now and tries to maneuver MR to get at V'Ger's flipper to return the favor, but V'Ger manages to evade. That blade is back at full speed once again and V'Ger is back on the attack. Meta Ridley turns and faces his adversary once again for another weapon-on-weapon hit. *SMASH*. Oh! V'Ger managed to hit Meta Ridley's weapon supports. V'Ger recoils and is flung back, the spinning bar hitting the arena floor causes to tumble out of control before coming to a rest, inverted. Here comes Meta Ridley, disk at full speed and gives a hard hit to V'Gers flipper. It looks badly dented and I'm surprised it didn't come completely off! Both of these heavyweights are looking worse for wear as V'Ger maneuvers around to avoid another devastating hit. Meta Ridley starts turning around, as well. OOH! Ridley just manages to clip the side of V'Ger, and there goes the left wheel of V'Ger! Meta Ridley senses bot blood now and goes in for another attack while V'Ger, just barely mobile, desperately tries to swing that bar around. *CRASH* This time, MR goes for a ride. V'Ger just may have saved himself from a KO there. Wait, Meta Ridley is lining up for another attack...*THREE*, *TWO*, *ONE*-This match is OVER! Well, both robots have survived this slugfest-we're sending this to the judges! Your winner by 3-2 split decision is.....META RIDLEY!!! Hazardous Waste Removal vs. Massimo Meh, mostly the two weapons hit each other a bunch and gradually wear each other out. HWM kinda tries to wedge after the point where the weapons are dead, but has crap torque and stuff so it doesn’t really accomplish anything at all. Massimo wins 3-2 Hellhound IV vs. Morbid So Morbid tries the last second pushing lifter into the floor schtick, but not quickly enough. Hellhound rams him around early and often and pushes him into hazards and stuff. Morbid gets in some offense here and there, but mostly Hellhound out wedges him more often than not. Hellhound wins 4-1 Coup de Grace - Wolf51-50 vs. Le Tambour De Battaile - Botomatic1000 Coup tries to avoid the drum and get around to the sides while Battaile keeps that drum facing its opponent at all time. Some maneuvering, eventually Coup comes in on the front corner and gets its wedge under the support. Down comes the hammer and it’s a direct hit, but minimal damage befalls the drumbot. Coup pushes around Le Tambour landing more hammer hits, but still no damage. The drum manages to smash into the weapon assembly on Coup, but it holds under the abuse as well. A smack into the wall, and Le Tambour is off and repositioning itself. However Coup comes in again with another wedging, taking the drumbot to the arena drum, and there’s a bit of a drum-off, sending it tumbling. Le Tambour does land a hit on that front armor on Coup, and then another, flinging it on its back, but it rights quickly before any folloups can occur. Still both bots are in pretty good shape at the end, despite having fierce looking weapons. Coup de Grace wins a 3-2 decision Rainbow in the Dark - GF93 vs. Methane - British Robotics Methane swoops in and goes for a side attack but there’s pretty much no way to get under Rainbow without touching that 14 point weapon in some way, and there’s a 5 point difference with the armor on Methane, so that wedge takes some major abuse. A big screeching sound is heard (not just from Alex V’s middleweight this time), and a shower of sparks as the two robots are flung apart. Again Methane trying to get in and capitalize but Rainbow’s still up to speed and BOOM! This hit leaves a nasty gash in the wedge, while Methane slams Rainbow into the wall, that bar having arguments with the wall and the floor, and Rainbow is flipped over by its own power. This is a good chance and Methane gives Rainbow more slams, but Raindow’s able to slip off the wedge with its wheels whenever Methane gets under, and soon another direct hit on that wedge strips off a whole side panel, gas now flowing out. Another slam and Methane loses drive power on one side, and that’s not good. It’s only a short period after that before Rainbow is able to finish disabling its foe. Rainbow in the Dark wins by KO in 1:41 Death Metal vs. Avarice This is a very back and forth match. While Death Metal doesn't get any gigantic blows, he just continues to rack up consistent hits on the wheels and that damage stacks up over time. Avarice's aggression lets him control Death Metal a lot, and be able to keep the fight near walls and hazards with a lot of pushing, but towards the end of the match Death Metal is able to get a breakthrough on one of the wheels and shreds it apart, immobilizing Avarice. Shades of Tombstone vs. Beta. Death Metal wins by a knockout in 2:38. Justice vs. The Raven Mk2 I don't want to write any more results for Justice, or Bluetooth. These are some ugly fucking robots that looks specifically designed to exploit rules in stupid ways and look insanely unfeasible and impractical in real life. That said, Justice gets some good grabs on The Raven, and is able to exploit the armor by completely avoiding the plow with the hammer. The Raven is riddled with holes towards the end and has a couple periods of the match where he's just high centered on Justice's stupid retard arms. Raven counters it with some rams, but he doesn't do enough damage over the course of the match to properly respond, nor does he dominate the proceedings. Justice wins by a 3-2 judges' decision. Kraze vs Drunken Master It’s been like, a year and a half since R3 and I still have no idea how a suction fan allows for you to refill your pneumatics system :V . Also I feel like since the fan presses things it should definitely put Kraze at a permanent half-speed disadvantage. Regardless, the match is rather like the cold war, in that both sides face each other menacingly, but don’t really do anything. Both finally move in at the same time, Kraze successfully angling in since DM is pressing. We get a flip, but the hammerbot quickly rights itself with its hammer that is used for righting itself and hitting opponents. More standoffs eventually lead to kraze getting under once more, but again he can’t capitalize efficiently, as DM floopity flops away. Eventually Drunken Master gets under Kraze after even MORE exciting robotic cold wars, and starts spinning it about. Kraze fires it flipper, jostling it loose a bit. DM starts escorting it to hazards. Kraze fires the flipper again, and now its chassis is dragging on the ground. Kraze takes a few hits from the Pulverizers, which finally free it fully, but DM quickly gets back under its side, grabbing at it again with the hammer, and dragging it back to the pulverizer. A glancing blow to DM leaves it with a dent up top, while Kraze takes next to no damage – he can’t really free himself though, since he has an arena hammer whacking the top of his flipper, and none of his wheels are touching the ground. Pin timer’s up, and Kraze gets a few retaliatory flips in before getting flipped himself by DM. aaand buzzer. Drunken Master wins 3-2! Hell’s Grasp vs Snijmachine Googling the word “Late” gets you a lot of strange clipart Hell’s Grasp wins by FF True Hero – Patrickrowberry vs. Tem Shop – Hiicantpk True Hero starts out with the upper hand, getting under Tem Shop with its two wheeled wedge and giving it a good fling. Not being fully invertible, Tem Shop has to self-right, but it drives to a convenient location to do so. A bit of maneuvering, and this time Tem Shop gets under with a fling of its own. True Hero is forced to self-right on the spot, but gets flung again first. Some more maneuvering, Tem Shop gives True Hero a good ride on its wedge, but True Hero slips off. True Hero gets under Tem Shop now and pushes it to the arena drum, with a nice pop at the end. The Pulverizer hits, Tem Shop gets out and rights itself. One more exchange and Tem Shop gets under the corner tip of True Hero and gets a flip, and a flip again into the killsaws as the buzzer sounds. Tough match to call. Tem Shop wins by a 3-2 JD Doomerang - Badnik96 vs. Undertow III – Attackfrog Doomerang spins up as Undertow rushes over and slams in. Sparks fly as Doomerang scrapes the plow but Undertow gives it a push before being flung off. Another big slam from Undertow sends Doomerang into the wall and it bounces off, going a bit slower, plow still holding up well. Another slam and Undertow gets Doomerang temporarily stopped, and pins it on the wall. Scooting around to bring in its flipper, it gives Doomerang a pop, and Doomerang is on its back but this will make little difference… some pushing from that plow and Doomerang slinks off to spin up again. Dylan tries strafing to catch the side of Undertow but isn’t quite fast enough as a translator to get the hit he wants. He does manage to catch the corners of the plow on Undertow giving it good juicy flings but they’re 12 points anyway. This does eventually lead to a followup hit that does some damage to the front corner of Undertow, but it’s still running afterwards. And soon enough, the buzzer sounds. Undertow wins a 4-1 decision All in! Edited by BEES, Mar 4 2017, 04:14 PM.
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| BEES | Apr 5 2017, 09:14 PM Post #3 |
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I've never lived by anyone's rules but my own.
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Robot Bastards – week 3 fights LW Not So evil Engine #9 vs Bunx Ok the guy who was supposed to commentate this fight fell through a small dimensional rift that popped up again – I think it was residue from that Endgame/Desolation hit a few years back. So im here now and we’re getting this fucking tournament back on track damnit Anywho NSEE’s struggling to really stop Bunx such that he can actually get under him. He takes a few corner shots, and bunx just in general tends to bounce all over the fucking place as soon as it gets wedged. That being said he does finally get under at about the 2 minute mark. He flips, but bunx was still spinning, and the gyroscopic forces keep it upright as it crashes roughly into a wall. Then he gets in another flip that does overturn the robot, and that’s that. Your winner, by KO in 2:30, is Not So Evil Engine #9! Dead vs Eat me Yeah Dead wins most spinner vs spinner fights, this one included. Eat me slowly loses the attrition war, eventually losing power to a wheel, and an entire wedge. Unfortunately Dead loses power to the disc, so this has to go the full 3 minutes Dead wins 4-1 Exotherm vs. Endless Clowns Whoa, I totally forgot how similar these two bots were (Endless Clowns zany color scheme aside). Even the stats would be identical if Clowns didn’t have the secondary lifter weapon! Anyway let’s get down to it! Both bots emerge from their starting squares cautiously. Nick seems slightly surprised that Endless Clowns isn’t making a move to get to his side, but I guess when you have the exact same drive stats, you have to change things up a bit. That isn’t to say that either of them is especially eager to tear into the other guy’s face. There’s a lot of tension building up as both of them try to find that perfect amount of subtle movement to fake out the other. Who’s going to blink first? BOOM! Well I guess neither of them. That looked like a solid weapon on weapon hit and both go FLYING apart. Both bots drive around erratically for a few moments as the drivers check to make sure everything is still working okay. After about 20 seconds or so they converge on each other near the center of the arena again. It’s more of the same from the first meeting. Exotherm is just slick enough to bring the spinning bar to bear on one of Clowns front wedges. It gets shorn off in a shower of sparks. It also separates the two of them enough that Exotherm has no real chance at following up the shot. Clowns didn’t really appreciate being the first to cut up severely and comes back in a bit more aggressively than before. In a confusion of sparks and flying shrapnel there’s another big collision between the two, only this time neither seems to be moving when they land. No amount of playing with controller settings can seem to get any life out of either bot. Let’s send this to the judges to score the double KO! Exotherm wins 4-1! Zombie Killer vs. Meanstreak Both robots make for the center, but Meanstreak stops just short of ZK and waits for ZK to make a move. ZK attempts to angle in, but Meanstreak has seen this coming and he slips underneath. The drum comes into play, popping ZK into the air. Meanstreak is now on the move, delivering a nice chain of hits to the sides and underbelly of ZK. Zombie Killer eventually escapes, but there's a lot of shiny chunks in the black armor. ZK moves in with the plow and tanks the drum expertly, pushing Meanstreak over to the hammers where they do their work. Despite a large dent in the top armor, Meanstreak eventually j-hooks away and gets the wedge under ZK again, chucking ZK up in the air. This time there's some damage to ZK's drive train and he appears to be listing to the left. Meanstreak now has the precision advantage, and despite ZK's best effort to stay in the match Meanstreak eventually gets off another good string of hits which knock out ZK entirely. Meanstreak wins by KO at 2:36 Firebrand vs. No Clearance Oh joy, the two robots I predicted to make the finals. This should be an exciting fight. Firebrand rushes in like a freight train, but doesn't quite expect NC to come out swinging. NC is able to knock away Firebrand at first and moves in with the jaws. Firebrand is fast though, and Alex backs away and comes right back in, pinning NC to the wall with great speed. This basically tells the story of the fight as despite NC's best efforts he can't really get anything going. Firebrand simply takes him everywhere and NC can't do much about it. The only saving grace is that ACCount's robot survives to the judge decision. Firebrand wins on a 5-0 decision Redline vs Backstab Two fast robots drive around. One has a 2WD static wedge, resting on two outer prongs. That makes the middle easy to angle in on. The other one isn’t exactly a dynamo in the wedge department either, with a hinged wedge, but it has one more point of speed and uses that to always impact at a slight angle. It gets under consistently, and about half of the time manages to get enough of an angle to force one of its opponent’s two wheels off of the ground. Then it pushes that opponent into hazards and walls. Yay. This is real edge-of-your-seat stuff. The other half of the time, that opponent just gets stuck on its spikes and begins pushing the 4WD bot (which is a defending champion, btw) around excruciatingly slowly. A couple of times, however, the 2WD remote control car robot slides in beneath the champ and pushes it around until impacting a wall or hazard. Not much else happens, and the judges look like they have a tough decision to make. Result: Redline wins a 3-2 decision Blue vs Apathy and Lethargy Blue rushes from his square towards the flipper duo of A & P. They split up and try to maneuver to the sides of Blue. Pat turns his robot into Apathy to try to get it onto Blue's scoop, but Apathy manages to j-hook off of the scoop. Meanwhile, Lethargy has come up from behind Blue and gets under, then pops that rear-hinged flipper. It's not that powerful, but it still manages to send Blue tumbling. Blue manages to self-right with that powerful flipper of his, but both A & P are harassing him. Another tumble by Lethargy before Pat manages to speed away briefly before turning back to attack the nearest of the duo. Not much damage is occurring in this fight, but Blue gets a few hits from the killsaws. The rest of the match goes pretty much the same way, Blue goes after the nearer of A & P, attacks it, only to be outnumbered and shoved around by the duo. Right before the buzzer sounds, Blue does get a good shot at Apathy, who lingered just a split-second too long. It gets launched into the air and comes down inverted and it looks like it's venting a bit of gas. Well, good thing that wasn't by the OOTA zone and this match is over! Your winner in a 4-1 judges' decision is Apathy and Lethargy! Pooky the Lawnmower vs DUDE Ok if I remember the rules correctly pooky dies in like, five hits or something. Bad news for DUDE is that his front is like, 80% corner, and Pooky has more than KO potential up there. So uh, yeah. Kaboom or something. Pooky wins by KO in 1:00 Entity 303 - Mystic2000 vs. Wingspan - British Robotics Entity 303 gets under Wingspan and does annoying pusher stuff to it the whole fight, but Wingspan gets some counterplay in after damaging the drive on one side towards the end, leaving Entity 303 moving in circles. There’s some disagreement but eventually the judges decide. Entity 303 wins a 3-2 JD Dr P – Siphai vs. Jesus Built My Hotrod – NFX Who says there’s no luck in robot combat? JBMH wins by FF The Storm – Sylandro vs. Wedge Trimmer - Shaba117 Neither Storm robot has particularly effective weapons against the eggbeater and they take turns getting flung around. Wedge Trimmer wins 5-0 MW Chaotic Reaction vs. Sucker Punch The two trade blows but Sucker Punch’s bar attachments are simply more versatile at getting under Chaotic Reaction and pushing it around throughout the fight. Sucker Punch wins 5-0 Plain as Butter vs BRVR Plain as Butter gives BRVR a few slams, flipping it over at one point. Over time the corners on that plow take some nasty bites, eventually compromising the wedge/lifter and exposing the sides to a lethal blow. BRVR wins by KO in 1:32 Outrage vs Tiki Dude Tiki Dude’s drum is somehow small according to wolf :V . Outrage’s flanking attempts don’t really work out, what with the poor traction and all. he does catch the drum of Tiki dude far to one side of it, but it’s still on the drum :V . The hit is fucking massive, reminiscent of that Supernova vs Pulsar hit. Outrage is upside down and not moving, Tiki dude’s mostly fine, though it is listing to one side a bit. Post-fight interviews reveal that the hit bent the entire weapon of Outrage up, immediately stopping it due to the pretty much nonexistent clearance between the blade and the body, and also disabling the drivetrain, which was driven through the middle of the blade. Your winner, by KO in 0:23, is Tiki Dude! Not Barrier vs. Trojan Horse TH waits for Barrier to come to him, and, well, he does, at maximum speed, but not with the end Sylandro was expecting. Barrier's THICC rear end comes into play, eating everything TH's drum can throw at him. Barrier proceeds to ram-foo Trojan Horse around the arena for three minutes. I Can't Believe It's Not Barrier wins a 5-0 unanimous decision Garuda vs Wulven Wulven comes out like a bullet and is able to get to the front corners of Garuda, then takes her on a short tour of the arena hazards, Despite some scrapes and dents, Garuda is okay. Garuda is able to capitalize on a small skid courtesy of Wulven's low traction, and he's chucked forwards towards the OOTA zone. Wulven scrambles to get away from that low wall, and this leads to a second chuck by Garuda in that general direction. Wulven gets under from the side again and this time leads Garuda into the hammer for thirty seconds of pound. More dents, but Garuda is a sturdy machine, and Shaba is able to maneuver under Wulven for one more flip, then another, then a third! Wulven lands on its wheels, still game, and slides underneath Garuda once more. One power-slam into the wall is all Wulven gets before the match ends. Who won that nail-biter? It's a 3-2 decision for Wulven! Initial D vs Precise Saunter This match begins with Precise Saunter all aggression and Initial D all caution. However, with all of the latter’s dodging, it’s only a matter of time before the former oversteers badly. It’s exacerbated by a near miss with the axe. The weeabot seizes the opportunity to slide its feeder wedges under Precise Saunter’s front corner, and the next thing that you know, pieces are flying and Precise Saunter is launched end over end into the air. Initial D skids backwards and but is quickly on the attack again as Precise Saunter desperately self-rights – right into Initial D’s drum. The British machine lands right side up this time, missing a few body panels, but it doesn’t seem to be moving. It appears that that final blow crumpled its frame, leaving its drivetrain unable to make contact with the arena floor. Result: Initial D wins by KO at 1:17 Bluetooth vs Hoarfrost Both bots quickly head for each other. Bluetooth sizes up his slightly faster opponent and Alex does his best to anticipate his brother's tactics. I'm not sure if Charles had some drivetrain issues during his last match, but he seems to be on point today! Bluetooth has its clamps open, waiting to come down on Hoarfrost. Hoarfrost approaches in another short burst of speed, but stops abruptly. Ooh, swing and a miss by Bluetooth as Hoarfrost darts out of the way just in time! But then those clamps suddenly retract and that punching bar catches a back corner of Hoarfrost as it's darting out of the way, turning it a bit, but Charles quickly regains control and maneuvers out of range of that massive weapon of Bluetooth and regroups. Alex retracts the clamps again and here comes Hoarfrost right at him this time. He smashes into the front side of Bluetooth just as the clamps come down. Well, this definitely isn't his big brother Justice. Yes, the clamps come down, but this is purely a control bot and it shows with no noticeable damage done. Those clamps have Hoarfrost now and Bluetooth is now slowly pushing Hoarfrost to a nearby corner and into the drums and pins him down. The pin is broken, but before Hoarfrost can fully retreat, the puncher bar catches it, once again. Hoarfrost speeds out of the corner back to the center of the arena while Bluetooth follows not to far behind. Charles then guns it and gets around one of the side clamps as it's coming forward and rams BT toward the rear. Hoarfrost has the control now as it starts shoving BT towards the wall. The clamps start to retract to catch the ramming brick and they manage to only nudge Hoarfrost away a bit. Charles is unrelentless now and is taking every opportunity to annoy BT, even though it can't seem to gain total dominance over BT. BT repeatedly swings those clamps back and forth to disrupt the persistent attacks. And, oh my, is that the buzzer already? Wow, for a non-destructive match, that was exciting! And you winner, by a *very* split 3-2 decision....is HOARFROST! March or Die vs Whipcoil Why am I writing this at midnight? I guess a better question is why did I play civ for 5 hours. Might also be the answer to that first question. Oh yeah, robots. Uhhh… well I guess you probably have enough ground clearance to clear the wedge spikes, they are pretty wimpy looking. That being said his flipper is also that entire panel, and it’s front hinged, so you being further up it only helps it work better. Time for a ride on the flip train! As they face off face to face, MoD keeps on coming up with the wedging advantage but can’t really do anything since he keeps trying to shove a guy with better torque than him places. Whipcoil just keeps backing off. Once or twice he does manage to get his whole pressing at the last minute dealio to work, but by and large March or Die has the advantage there. It’s mostly just a frustrating match, with a lot of things almost happening. So I guess in that sense it’s nice that almost a minute of it was Whipcoil love-cuddling March or die towards hazards. Whipcoil wins 3-2 Water Strider – Attackfrog vs. Trump Ex Machina - GF93 Water Strider has conducted thorough and meticulous analysis of the electorate and concluded the strategy to win is to shore up support among traditional blue collar voters in the rustbelt, with a populist policy based around expanding the welfare state, offering free college tuition to anyone out of a job, universal health care, avoiding dodgy trade deals, an end to over 50 years of nonstop foreign interventionism, breaking up “too big to fail” banks, and instituting financial regulations that prevent similar disasters to 2008 from occurring in the future. It is a tense contest, down to the wire, as the forces of reactionary politics mobilized by the propaganda centers on the right put up a tough fight, but ultimately Water Strider wins a close but decisive electoral result. Water Strider wins 4-1 Cement Mixer – Siphai vs. The Green Hornet – NWOWWE Alex died apparently so The Green Hornet wins by FF Heiðrún - The Angry Goat vs. Deception - Cha0sFerret Some positioning occurs at first, with both bots trying to catch each other’s corners, ducking around a bit. As the faster of the two Heidrun forces the issue but finds it tough getting purchase on those forks on the front of Deception. The wedge rides over and the big bar grinds the front. 4 points on a flat surface is a pain to write y’all. Sparks and no damage, just a pop from the hit and the two reset. A dogfight of sorts occurs with both pushing the other a little bit before one wiggles off. Both bots are very slippery in their design. Heidrun takes a big shot from the blade after another attempt and gets flung pretty far, but no clear damage to it. It’s out of the way before Deception can get in, and self-rights in a safe corner. Heidrun capitalizes on Deception’s tendancy to wheelie slightly when it turns, on the next pass, and it gives Deception a nice slam into the wall, and a thorough exposure to the saws. Deception slinks off and Heidrun comes in with another push, getting Deception into another wall, and Deception’s front is around again. One more attempt and Deception gives Heidrun a big fling, and after the cumulative hits this one does some damage to the front. Heidrun’s lifter is messed up somewhat from that, jammed slightly off-kilter, causing its front to be a bit above the ground. For the remaining 30 seconds, it just can’t get under Deception, and finds itself on the backfoot as Deception takes a more aggressive stance but gets no more chances to land a hit on its retreating opponent. After some mulling, the verdict is a 3-2 decision for Deception! HW Drunken Master vs Undertow III Undertow takes big circles trying to catch the corners of Drunken Master. Drunken Master tries to clip the wedge with its hammer, which doesn’t really work out with the weapon power it’s toting, but it does manage to get under that wedge with its forks and while Undertow is on it, its wheels are off the floor. Due to this Drunken Master gets a lot of pushing and hammering while pushing in. Undertow to its credit gets in some pushing of its own towards the end but Drunken Master’s ability to slink away quickly makes it less productive. The flipper merely flicks the tips of Drunken Master’s forks, and the fight ends. Drunken Master wins a 4-1 decision Doomerang vs. Tem Shop Tem Shop goes for the bum bump as Doomerang spins up and heads to the center. Dylan tries some sneaky fakeouts but there isn’t much precision maneuvering you can do with that drivetrain, so he mostly ends up testing the armor on that rear wedge on Tem Shop. 11 turns out to be enough and Temp Shop pushes Doomerang around, eventually pinning it against a wall, turning around and giving it a nice flip. Doomerang is balanced against the wall with its wheels off the floor, ouch. Tem Shop wins by KO in 2:01 Avarice vs. Hazardous Waste Removal Rather unusually dynamic match. Avarice has lots of armor and yet is made almost entirely out of corners. It has lots of speed and yet not really a great shape to push a steveout around. Consequently it slams into HWR’s disc, gets a bite taken out of it, both robots get flung a bit, HWR gets tossed into the wall a couple times, but it keeps coming back for more. HWR is able to continue deflecting these attacks and taking small bites out of Avarice’s armor though, eventually taking enough tread off of one of the big toilet wheels to slow Avarice considerably. Hazardous Waste Removal wins by a 3-2 decision V'Ger vs Kraze Kraze makes a beeline towards the killsaws, V'Ger follows him with the spinner at full blast. V'Ger skids over the saws, and up they go! Sparks fly as the spinner pops up. Kraze moves in and throws V'Ger up and out, towards the arena wall! Kraze returns to the killsaws, but this time V'Ger is more wary and tries to go around. Kraze plays matador here and gets underneath from the side, carrying V'Ger over to the hammer. Several blows come down on V'Ger, and there's a large dent in the top armor. He follows this with a throw upwards, and backs away, towards the killsaws once more. V'Ger lands safely and still has the spinner going. He comes in and delivers a crushing blow to the front corner of Kraze, sending it flying across the arena, a panel now dangling limply from its back corner. V'Ger, however, arguably comes off worse for wear, as he's now upside down under the hammer. A blow lands squarely on the bottom armor of V'Ger, leaving a minor dent. Both robots recover, having suffered much more damage, and come at each other again. This time, Kraze opts to come at V'Ger backwards. Nick S is puzzled, but he decides "fuck it" and comes at him, ripping into the back armor. Both robots are thrown apart again, but this time Nick F has a plan and he comes at V'Ger wedge first. V'Ger is up to speed again and the two collide. What happens next would be remembered as one of the finest hits of the week. V'Ger rides up Kraze's wedge, and both robots fire their flippers at the exact same time, throwing V'Ger up and over, but also ripping open Kraze like a tuna can. Kraze is missing an entire side of armor now, and V'Ger comes in eager to do more damage. Kraze still has a functioning drive train though, and he maneuvers his vitals out of reach of the deadly spinner and throws V'Ger again. V'Ger comes in for one more blow, but the buzzer sounds. Kraze wins a 3-2 decision Still Not PP3D vs A True Hero TH comes out swinging, but PP3D is already up to speed and so True Hero basically splatters itself on PP3D's disc, sending pieces flying. True Hero, seemingly unfazed by the massive frontal damage, comes in again, but PP3D maneuvers in a way that grabs TH from the side, and there goes a wheel! PP3D moves in for the mercy kill soon after that. Still Not PP3D wins by KO in 0:57, gaining redemption for his real life counterpart. Coup de Grace vs Massimo Coup de Grace’s strategy of going for the wheels and drum supports leads to a lot of near-misses, but fortunately, due to Massimo’s abysmal control, it doesn’t pay the price. It swings for the drum but thankfully misses due to some oversteer on Massimo’s part while it tries to flank. The drum actually manages a glancing blow, but Coup de Grace self-rights immediately before it can follow up. In fact, its eagerness to do so proves to be the penultimate action of the match. Coup de Grace is able to line up a perfect shot that caves some of the dorsal armour in, and that’s it. Something was almost certainly knocked loose inside by the force of that impact. It’s a one-hit KO. Result: Coup de Grace wins by KO at 1:39 The Lights are on, the Box is locked, it's Robot Fightin' Time! Meta Ridley heads to the center of the arena while Hell's Grasp does the same. HG has that clamp in the fully raised position to avoid any damage to it by the powerful spinning disk of MR-smart move. So, HG is going at MR head-on with the plow and the two meet dead-center of the arena. Sparks go flying as both bots suffer knockback from the impacts. Whoah, there were more than just sparks that went flying-there's a piece of bent metal over by the wall, oh, that was the bottom wedge for Hell's Grasp clamp. Well, that's gone, but at least the rest of HG is still there. Both bots line up for another hit and both are sent back again. HG recovers a bit more quickly, though, and rams into MR before that disk can get fully up to speed. That plow is starting to accumulate some scratches, but it's holding up well to the abuse. MR notices HG lining up for another attack, but this time, he comes around with that thwack tail to push HG away while that disk gets up to speed. He then turns and tries to catch HG right on the edge of the plow. Oh, he just barely does and puts a nice dent in it! MR wants to get at those wheels, but Hell's Grasp keeps *just* out of reach. The same tactics and maneuvers are repeated a few more times and this match is over. Your winner by 4-1 judges' decision is Meta Ridley! 2Methane vs Service Crew One of these is a poorly designed wedge, the other is a weirdly statted wedge. Wheeeeeee. (no but like seriously what is the air suspension going to do that having 2WD at the back doesn’t already accomplish I’m just so confused you don’t even mention how you might use it in the rp halp). Service crew comes right at the cagier Methane, but seems to have gotten caught on the floor? Oh no, never mind, it just tried to press the lifter, and lifted its wheels off the ground in doing so. Playing defensively, TBR catches this and is able to get to the side of Service crew, immediately flipping, then shoving him around for a bit before he flails free. They face off again, and eventually Methane gets under again, though he struggles to get in a good flip, instead just letting his opponent escape. Again they face off, with service crew coming out victorious… I guess. He can’t actually mush Methane much of anywhere. Once he starts lifting, then Methane gets to be pushable. To a hazard! oh wait he used the flipper to knock himself free. Ok I’m bored of writing a back and forth in which methane has the slight advantage, I think you get the idea Methane wins 3-2 Rainbow in the Dark - GF93 vs. Snijmachine – Siphai Rainbow in the Dark wins by FF The Raven Mk2 – Toxic vs. Death Metal - Shaba117 It’s sort of like a repeat of Tombstone vs Beta, except with nothing sticking out of the top for Tombstone to chew on, and its opponent is faster and just pushes it around the whole time. Nothing is ever able to damage that front plow. Death Metal does eventually get a nice jab at the wheels on one side trying to weasel its huge weapon around the plow but despite tearing everything off except one wheel on that side, the Raven’s mobility is almost unaffected. The Raven wins a 5-0 JD Justice - The Monsterworks vs. Hellhound IV - Madman Justice prepares to dispatch Hellhound IV much like it did to the Raven, but things don’t turn out that way this time. Hellhound is faster and much better controlled than the Raven, having not wasted superfluous points on its armor, and it simply dodges Justice’s weapons, maneuvering around the 5-speed bot and taking potshots out of line of sight of the hammer, pushing Justice into the hazards and rushing, almost like some kind of annoying… box… thing. The clamping arms don’t fare much better, their main issue being that if the opponent is anywhere other than directly in front facing forward, they ride over the wedge rather than getting under, and this simply gives Hellhound purchase to push Justice further. It is impossible to avoid the axe for the full 3 minutes and Justice does land a couple hits, despite the tremendous speed disadvantage, but the geometry of the axe blocker does its job protecting the body even if objectively the plow cannot get any bonus with it and it does bend from the impacts. In the end, a 5-0 JD for Hellhound IV Edited by BEES, Apr 13 2017, 12:11 AM.
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| BEES | Apr 26 2017, 11:37 PM Post #4 |
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I've never lived by anyone's rules but my own.
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Week 4 LW Eat Me - Cha0sFerret vs. No Clearance – ACCount Chaosferret is a bit shocked at first to see an attachment that he didn’t account for on No Clearance—that big thwacking tail. I’m shocked as well honestly, hadn’t noticed it before but it is indeed in the signup and a legit weapon. So… I will not be writing the fight I sat down thinking I was going to write . Cha0sferret tries a few things: first trying to spin. With the forks up front, No Clearance has little choice but to try approaching with the tail. It’s a nice poking stick, pushing the spinning Eat Me until finally it nudges the blur into a killsaw pit, though No Clearance eats a fling from the hits each time of course. Eat Me tries a different strategy: a direct frontal assault, but control is not one of its strong suits and it simply can’t hit its opponent reliably with this strategy. It does manage to get under one time after enough lunges and it smashes No Clearance into the wall. No Clearance goes for the forks this time to catch its slamming nemesis and Eat Me starts spinning again. No Clearance swings around with the tail again, and Eat Me stops spinning and goes for a slam once more, just missing NC as it turned to present the clamps. This indecisive nonsense continues for some time before the buzzer ends with neither robot really taking control.No Clearance wins a 3-2 JD Zombie Killer vs DUDE Both robots have angling in strategies, but Zombie Killer’s drive train is just better. It shoves, high-sides, pins, and bosses DUDE around for most of this fight. Adam has his moments where he scores a flip, but it doesn’t do much to Josh’s fully Zombie Killer wins a 4-1 decision. Blue vs Not So Evil Engine No. 9 Blue comes out fast and tries to flip Not So Evil Engine No.9, which uses its better control to angle into the very narrow tip of Blue’s flipper. Pat, trying to stay hyper-aggressive, fires the flipper and Blue not only misses but also falls on its face because its weight distribution is ridiculous. NSEEN9 takes the opportunity to flank its long, narrow opponent and flip it. Blue immediately self-rights, backs off and uses its flipper to try to keep NSEEN9 at bay. NSEEN9 just angles in on the flipper again and flips it, following up with another flip into the killsaws. Blue lands right side up and suffers some small cuts. Then it zooms away again. During their next encounter, it denies NSEEN9’s angling in attempt and fires its flipper. Blue flops forward again and its opponent barrel rolls away, quickly self-righting. Blue has to close its flipper and get sorted before it can follow up, however, and that gives NSEEN9 enough time to get away. The rest of the fight follows a similar pattern, with NSEEN9 trying and failing a couple of times to score an OOTA. Not So Evil Engine No.9 wins a 4-1 decision. Dr. P vs Wedge Trimmer This one starts off with Wedge Trimmer trying to avoid a head-on confrontation with the hammers of Dr. P. The Team Targeted robot swings and misses, the force of its own blows making it jump. Then, it just sits there, seemingly daring Wedge Trimmer to try again. It continues to sit there. Wedge Trimmer comes in and gives it a good smack, which leaves Siphai’s machine on its back, still unmoving. Must’ve knocked its own removable link out with one of those hammer blows. Result: Wedge trimmer wins by KO (FF) at 0:31 Frogbot vs Bunx Man this is just getting cruel at this point. That being said, Bunx does get up to speed, and Frogbot is actually having some issues with it. Pretty low control means it actually misses entirely on the charge and end up losing its right wedge tooth for its troubles. Bunx gives it some more love taps on the side but struggles to do any real damage before attackfrog pulls away and gets front facing. He moves in again, this time more carefully and gets the tongue underneath. Bunx’s shell contacts the floor on the other end, and kicks the shell spinner back, wobbling a bit out of control, but eventually landing back on its wheels, just in time for frogbot to try again. This time he gets a flip off, but it just shoots the shell straight up, the spinner’s gyroscopic forces keeping the robot upright. Bunx comes down at a bit of an angle and bounces off across the arena, into the wall, and then back onto its wheels. It’s fully up to speed right as Frogbot comes stampeding back into him, fast enough that he ends up feeding the spinner right into some convenient corners on his chassis. Both robots are violently spun back, and there’s a nice little dent on the amphibious flipper. Frogbot’s not one to back down though, and gets right on bunx’s case, slowly trying to herd the spinner to a corner. It instead bounces off of the ground again, hits a wall, and eventually comes down. frogbot dashes back in, sensing weakness. He gets in underneath once more and fires the flipper, but once again the spinner is able to keep itself right-side up. It is not so lucky, however, on the follow-up flip. Your winner, by KO in 2:34, is Frogbot! Redline vs Exotherm It’s a war of attrition for Exotherm, really. The first half of the fight is dominated by Redline – even when Exotherm gets under it can’t really capitalize, and it’s not getting under much. But bit by bit the damage does start to add up, and even warps the wedge a tad bit. In the end though, he can’t really do enough to get through the heavy armor on the front of redline – and never manages a shot on the body. Redline wins 3-2 Wingspan vs Apathy & Lethargy Flanking attack is super effective! That’s really the story of the first two minutes. Wingspan gets in some nasty hits when he manages to get up to speed, but the twin flippers are able to keep up the pressure nicely until two minutes in when Lethargy loses drive. With Apathy forced into a 1 on 1, things end up turning sour very quickly, which is rather unfortunate. Wingspan wins by KO in 2:45! Endless Clowns - The Angry Goat vs Backstab 2 - Wolf51-50 Backstab has a bit more luft to it as it jumps out of the square, but Clowns is pretty nippy for a spinner. Quantum weirdness happens now when two lifters face each other. Unlike both of you I don’t think there’s a very practical way to punish someone that presses at the last second… how are you gonna see 1 mm of movement from the driver’s box? Plus you have momentum running into the other person’s wedge. Anyway… Backstab fails to get around to the side of Endless Clowns when it presses, but both robots can press anyway so quantum weirdness happens and Endless Clowns wins, getting under and flinging Backstab onto its Back… Stab! With the blade once more and it’s back upright, and the two reset. Backstab now gets under the second time giving Goat the works, killsaws/pulverizer, wall, ouch. Goat gets away and gets under the final time these two go head to head, flipping Backstab once more with its weapon and this time… unlike an idiot, Gabe adjusts his strategy and leaves Wolf’s bot upside-down. Wolf goes for the arena drum to right itself and Clowns plays keeper, knocking it away multiple times to finish off the game. Angry Goat… wins a 3-2 JD Entity 303 - Mystic2000 vs Jesus Built My Hotrod – NFX Both of these robots are insanely fast. Jesus is 1 point faster, approaching plaid speeds, but they’re both a blur ultimately. Jesus goes for the good ol’ NFX gambit of monstertrucking. Both are moving so terrifically fast it works and he slides straight over the top of the extremely low Entity and is poised to get under, but 303 still has momentum and is moving forward faster than Jesus can actually reverse itself and get under. 303 swings around, and the two collide head-on with Jesus winning, giving its opponent a big push into the saws. Another exchange and chaos happens, Jesus goes for a quick monstertruck once more but gets caught on 303’s lifter, and inverted. Upside-down Jesus is identical however with the spikes so this doesn’t matter much. 303 wins the next frontal exchange and Jesus gets popped once more. A final exchange leads to another monstertruck from Jesus but 303 is just fast enough to avoid getting benched from behind, and the fight ends. Entity 303 wins a 4-1 JD Pooky the Lawnmower - Botomatic1000 vs Meanstreak – Madman Meanstreak rushes at Pooky and takes a hit head-on with its drum. The teeth really aren’t optimized for this sort of collision, especially with a 7 point difference and Pooky literally shears off two of them and both robots explode away from each other in a fireshower of sparks halfway across the arena. Meanstreak is up to speed once more, but slightly off-kilter, and Pooky is still spinning as well, and a second collision causes both robots’s weapons to die. Meanstreak’s drum support is completely screwed up, and the whole robot’s frame is bent, causing one wheel to be off the floor slightly. Pooky’s weapon simply doesn’t anymore. It’s not. Meanstreak is only driving in circles, while Pooky has full drive, but its drivetrain is really terrible and it has no other weapons, so the rest of the fight is about as exciting as watching someone count all the rice in a barrel, with nothing productive happening. Pooky wins a 3-2 JD Firebrand - The Monsterworks vs Dead – Playzooki This is a fascinating test of the stat system here. You are both kind of on the precipice, and I hate that because I have to write this crap. Dead’s spinning disc collides with Firebrand’s blow multiple times as Firebrand throws its face right into it over and over. The 5 point difference is enough to do something to Firebrand’s plow, but it is also enough to do something to Dead’s disc, over many hits. The plow gets some gashes in it and finally is compromised, after a number of slams. After the same exact number of slams, Dead’s disc gives in and spins at a useless speed for the remainder of the match. Firebrand pushes it around but not as effectively as one might think given that it’s been reduced to a wedgeless thwack at this point. The end. Firebrand wins a 3-2 Decision MW Bluetooth vs March or Die Nobody’s shy here. They both zoom out of their starting squares wanting to create some offense. March Or Die tries to wedge Bluetooth, which has wisely taken its dopey trapping arms off for this fight, and gets a faceful of punching bar for its trouble. Playzooki’s bot immediately tries to back off, but Bluetooth keeps pace. Eventually, however, he j-hooks away successfully and tries to angle into Bluetooth’s bar, which retracts and then pokes out again, hitting March or Die at an angle and turning it. Bluetooth then has it high-sided and pins it for the duration of the timer. Once March or Die is released, Bluetooth attempts to punch it towards a wall drum, but doesn’t really have the power to make that happen. The fight continues like this for another two minutes until playzooki finally slips around the punching bar and gets a flip in. Bluetooth self-rights, but finds itself on March or Die’s wedge again. It fires its weapon a few times to help it break loose and wiggles away – right onto the killsaws. There are some sparks and Bluetooth zips away, suitably chastened. The remainder of the fight is made up of more March or Die attempts to rush Bluetooth and more punches to the mug. Bluetooth wins a 3-2 decision Pterodactyl vs Chaotic Reaction This whole fight is a faster bot with no wedge trying to push a slower bot with wedges to spare and treads that make it kind of hard to push, especially when you have no wedge. Chaotic Reaction just kind of rides up onto Pterodactyl, even when it manages to come in from a bit of an angle. Eventually, Nick gets it balanced so that neither of its wheels are contacting the ground or Pterodactyl. He carefully drives over to the OOTA wall with the pin timer counting down. He unceremoniously flings Jamie’s bot out of the arena. Pterodactyl wins by OOTA at 2:03 Plain as Butter vs The Green Hornet This match begins with one of Pat’s patented ‘bot’ rushes. The Green Hornet is only partly spun up, but the initial contact sends both machines spinning away. Josh’s strategy of always keeping the spinner facing PaB manages to pop the Team Carboard Pony entry away multiple times, but eventually plays into Pat’s smothering tactic. For some reason, PaB doesn’t use its rather strong lifter to flip the Blood Gulch spinner over. Maybe it isn’t working properly? In any event, this match settles into a pretty standard brick vs. spinner format. Though The Green Hornet is pretty good at j-hooking away, it still gets smashed into walls a handful of times. - A killsaw ride, however, manages to send it a good distance away, and it actually has a moment to spin up when Pat’s robot comes rushing in with its less-than-stellar control and oversteers while attempting to smother the disc. The Green Hornet manages to hook its weapon around the plow, attempting to go for a pink lego block? Are those supposed to be wheels!? It’s impossible to tell what anything is when you use legos and a potatocam to ‘render’ your ‘robots’ Plain as Butter’s wheels. Josh isn’t quite able to pull that off, but he does manage a really solid hit around the corner of the plow, and that not only leaves a large gash, but also warps the entire thing. - With about a minute remaining, The Green Hornet scores a second, slightly lesser hit on PaB’s plow, and now it’s flapping around on the lifter’s arm. PaB attempts to continue smothering The Green Hornet, but the spinner is able to get some bite now, even if it doesn’t get the chance to spin up to quite full power. Discs are inherently harder to stop than bars. With only seconds remaining, The Green Hornet finally scores the primetime hit it’s been looking for, and PaB’s plow goes somersaulting through the air. However, before Josh can follow up on its hard-earned advantage, the buzzer sounds and the judges pull out their pencils. - The Green Hornet wins a 3-2 judges’ decision Sucker Punch vs Hoarfrost Sucker Punch does indeed start spinner, and does indeed attack after being wedged. Doesn’t actually do anything though. Doesn’t even cause knockback since Hoarfrost has 9 traction :V . that being said, with enough flailing on the part of SP, it is eventually able to get off, and immediately dives behind a killsaw. Hoarfrost drives around just in time to get a facefull of thwack. The robot takes it unflinchingly and just plows right through, shoving Sucker punch onto the aforementioned killsaw, which sends him flying. He goes to hide behind another one, and this time manages to angle in with the spinner and catch the front side of Sucker Punch, knocking him up and getting under for a tad, until Hoarfrost backs off and wedges back under him. They spend some quality time under the arena hammer, actually taking up the entire pin timer. From there it’s more of the same, though SP avoids any lasting malaffects by being an annoying little shit with the bar, being able to shuffle off before they reach any other arena hammers. Hoarfrost wins 4-1 Garuda vs Cement mixer Garuda wins by FF Outrage vs Water Strider …wide robots turn better than thinner ones, and tracked robots don’t even turn that poorly :V. Outrage’s repeated attempts to drive around a robot with a better drivetrain than it has actually lets Water Strider get the first hit in, sending outrage gliding across the arena, as water strider regains control and goes back on the offensive. Outrage really can’t, since one of the wheels doesn’t work any more. He can’t do much of anything other than spin around his front right side, actually. Sidenote while we’re here. Trackballs would necessitate independent motors for each of the wheels to achieve the full range of motion, similar to a swerve drive, right? How the hell would that work with a hollow axle? If this thing isn’t a ring spinner than I’m a ukulele. /irrelevantrant. Now that outrage isn’t really able to move, Water strider’s able to get around to its rear where the disc is higher up and can’t hit it, and deliver the coup de grace. Your winner, by KO in 1:11, is Water Strider! I Can't Believe It's Not Barrier - NFX vs Whipcoil - Badnik96 Whipcoil with the jaws off, Barrier with the lifter slightly up, the two robots meet in the middle, and NFX’s plan to wedge his lifter in between the jaws works out. Barrier lifts Whipcoil by its upper jaw and pushes it into things. With two wheels still on the floor, Whipcoil doesn’t fully go along for this, and tries to wiggle loose, opening its jaws up, but not before touching a sawpit briefly. Resetting, the two dance around, with Whipcoil trying to get its jaws around the side of Barrier. NFX continues trying to wedge its lifter inside the jaws directly, but misses the second time and gets carried by Whipcoil into the Pulverizer. Once freed, Barrier draws final blood getting its arm once more inside the jaws and giving Whipcoil a bit of the arena drum, flinging both bots. The inverted Whipcoil at this point goes for another diagonal attack but time runs out. Barrier wins 4-1 Precise Saunter - British Robotics vs BRVR - Mystic2000 BRVR spins up and waltzes to the center, Precise Saunter drives around and tries to find an opening, but there’s little use trying to get around the front of BRVR. It simply doesn’t happen and he’s forced to take that weapon face-first. The weapon rides up the wedge and hits the hammer mount, which has a bunch of corners, and does some real damage. That hammer’s already down for the count. Saunter slams BRVR around a few times but continues taking major damage up front. Every single hit takes another piece off. By the end of the fight, it’s still functioning, but it looks like a “before and after faces of meth” poster. BRVR wins a 5-0 JD Tiki Dude - Toxic vs Heiðrún - The Angry Goat Tiki tries to angle in while Heidrun throws itself at Tiki’s face hoping for the best. While Tiki Dude has impressive power, the small teeth on the drum have a tendency to just ride up the long slope of Heidrun and do nothing. It has a difficult time getting more purchase than that. Heidrun simply pushes it around the whole match. Heidrun wins a 5-0 JD. Initial D - Hiicantpk vs Deception - Cha0sFerret Initial D initially goes for weapon hits, trying to get the better of the collisions. Deception pretty much attempts to do the same. Guess I get to interpret whose weapon wins with these identical stats… oh joy. The first couple hits they both knock each other backwards a couple meters, then reset. Deception’s weapon would be winning, Bombshell-style, if it had a feeder wedge right in front to pull the drum up a bit. But at the angle the two hit each other, it’s more even. Another collision and the drum catches the side fork rides up it, Deception turns instinctively and the blade makes contact with the side support of the drum, flinging Initial D over, in a bad position where it takes yet another hit, this time directly on the soft body bits, and after that it’s not moving. Deception wins by KO HW Trojan Horse - Sylandro vs. Wulven - Botomatic1000 Choosing the hammer form, Sylandro tries to land some blows on the top of its Lycanthropic opponent, but struggles to do so with its 6 speed against 10. That’s the story of the fight as Wulven is just too gosh darn fast, sliding right under Trojan Horse with its longer forks and pushing it around. To make matters worse, even when it lands a hit, the axe does nothing. Trojan Horse finds itself eating the sides, eating the hazards. It’s a rough day for the swiss army bot. I’m sure Sylandro regrets not going for the clamping setup. Wulven wins a 5-0 JD Drunken Master – ACCount vs. Meta Ridley – NWOWWE Nobody wanted to write this, though various people offered and backed out over the month. At long last, I am writing it. Drunken Master does plow things, Meta Ridley does spinny things. Drunken Master smashes that spinner on Ridley head-on a few times, utilizing the very risky strategy of protecting itself really well on one side and not at all on the rest of it. Can it do so for the whole fight? The ensuing collisions fling both bots but Drunken Master’s plow is intact. Another collision and Ridley slides right over Drunken Master, clipping the axe head off. The impact puts Drunken Master in a tough spot and Ridley is able to land a direct hit to the rear, gouging the drivetrain on that side. Drunken Master is still moving though and gets away, now down a wheel. Some more pushes and it slams Ridley into the arena drum, stopping its blade temporarily. Drunken Master gives it a grand tour before it spins up, but time’s out. Drunken Master wins a 5-0 JD It’s France vs England in ARC! Will Britannia rule the box like she rules the waves? Alex V sure hopes so! Hell’s Grasp starts with a box rush, its tactics a classic attempt to be the wedge and tank the spinner. Rainbow in the Dark is starting…backwards, and attempts to j-hook around that really wide plow and tear right into it. The plow is so damned wide and Hell’s Grasp is so damned fast that Alex can’t quite pull off the corner shot he was looking for, but his gambit allows him to get the disc up to speed and deliver a nice blow. He repeats the same tactic, Tombstone-style, again buying him some time. Bastien fails to adjust and plows straight into him again, ignoring the fact that he has a potentially very useful clamp. Rainbow in the Dark delivers a second hit to that same area of Hell’s Grasp’s wedge, and it looks pretty beat up. The two are spun apart and Alex V guns it towards the middle of the arena. They repeat the exact same motions, only this time, RitD gets one of its teeth around the corner of the plow and…One side of it is gone! Completely gone! It hurtles into the lexan. Hell’s Grasp, forced to be more cautious, tries to absorb RitD’s blows with the remaining half of its shield, but Alex V is on the attack now, and he gets to the nice, juicy sides of Hell’s Grasp. Bastien’s robot actually makes it to the final buzzer somehow, but the decision is really just a formality. Rainbow in the Dark wins a 5-0 decision. Hazardous Waste Removal vs True Hero Gabe does everything he can to get HWR’s disc around the corners of True Hero’s wedge, but Pat’s bot is absurdly fast and well controlled, and HWR just doesn’t have the speed or (especially) the control to do much. This one quickly devolves into a standard wedge vs spinner contest, with the wedge clearly on top. HWR’s disc surprisingly doesn’t shit out, and it’s not the easiest thing to smother with its decent speed, but it gets high-sided pretty easily, its disc gets plowed into the ground, and it can’t get any consistent offense going until about twenty seconds remain. HWR finally catches the corner of True Hero’s plow and rips a mighty tear into it. The plow is flopping around, barely hanging on. However, Gabe isn’t quite able to follow up before the buzzer sounds. True Hero wins a 4-1 decision. Tem Shop vs Death Metal There’s a helluva lot of big BANGS in this match. It doesn’t really get either competitor much of anywhere, tbh. Tem Shop keeps getting kicked away from the impacts too, so Death metal’s able to keep relatively decent control of itself. Eventually Death metal is able to clip a corner and open up a bit of a hole, but can’t really get much done one way or the other with that. Death metal wins 3-2 V'Ger vs (Still Not) PP3D The two spinners do what spinners do and take a moment to get their weapons up to speed. Their first couple of clashes are inconclusive, though (Still Not) PP3D seems to get back up to speed a little bit faster after the second. Their third meeting, however, sees V’Ger oversteer – it’s been struggling for traction the entire match – but this actually works in its favour, as it scores a glancing blow on (Still Not) PP3D’s corner. The two machines are flung a short ways, but it looks like the impact has warped the Edgy Robotics entry’s wheelguard and it’s having trouble driving in anything more than a circle. V’Ger comes straight in on the attack, looking to follow up, and manages to send (Still Not) PP3D flying. Further oversteer saw V’Ger take a bit of a hit as well, and it seems to be having drivetrain issues of its own. However, it’s still able to just about move, while its opponent, with a badly warped frame and smoke curling out from its chassis, is definitely down for the count. Result: V’Ger wins by KO at 1:12 Massimo vs snijmachine Massimo wins by FF, which is kinda nice since IDK how the fuck I would have chosen the winner here :V Doomerang vs Methane TBR didn’t RP for just this one for some reason? Doomerang wins by FF Tem Shop vs Death Metal There’s a helluva lot of big BANGS in this match. It doesn’t really get either competitor much of anywhere, tbh. Tem Shop keeps getting kicked away from the impacts too, so Death metal’s able to keep relatively decent control of itself. Eventually Death metal is able to clip a corner and open up a bit of a hole, but can’t really get much done one way or the other with that. Death metal wins 3-2 Avarice - Cha0sFerret vs Le Tambour De Battaile - Botomatic1000 Le Tambour spins up all 11 of its weapon points and valiantly tries to fend off a giant cock and balls robot. Because Avarice doesn’t actually have a great wedge for holding opponents, and there are lots of loose bits here and there that weapons can catch, it does manage to flick its foe away and cause some annoyance. But it also spends more time on its face getting pushed around, as the nippy master-bot is quick enough to get its wedge into the sides and push. Le Tambour takes some emotional support from a few different hazards, and then the fight ends. Avarice wins a 5-0 JD Undertow III - Attackfrog vs Kraze – NFX Undertow and Kraze take turns getting under each other and flipping. Kraze has an easier time getting under with its 2WD wedge. I will fully admit I don’t know what on earth Attackfrog means by ‘suction panels’, as they’re not mentioned in the signup for the bot. Next time mention that because it makes a huge difference. Kraze gets under once, gives a flip. Undertow rights itself into the face of Kraze’s flipper and takes another for the team. Finally getting back over, Undertow tries to regain composure. The front on Kraze can catch the sides of the front on Undertow that aren’t the flipper, as those are static 4WD wedge. 2WD vs the hinged flipper is not totally one-sided. The 2WD wins only somewhat more often, not every time. On the second collision the flipper wins in fact, and Undertow gets a flip. Kraze seems to have a much harder time righting itself than Undertow (which wisely took off the rear plow to aid its righting). So there is some flopping and Attackfrog maliciously inflicts more flips and hazard trips as this occurs. Kraze gets back over eventually though. And for the remaining 40 seconds of the fight, Kraze wins the final wedge encounter, and gets some flips and hammer action on Undertow to close out. Kraze wins a tense 3-2 JD Justice - The Monsterworks vs Coup de Grace - Wolf51-50 Justice goes in hot, effectively sidesteps a hammer swipe by Coup de Grace who’s also going for it. Alex fires the weapon, but yet again this does not go as planned. The side hammers slide up the side wedges on Coup de Grace, causing all of Justice to pop into the air, and causing the top hammer on Justice to have only empty space above the pyramidal-shaped foe to swing at. Not good. Coup does the thing and 13 points of hammer hit Justice’s forehead, and its weapon becomes stuck. Another hit and it’s done for. Coup de Grace wins by KO in 1:01 Hellhound IV – Madman vs The Raven Mk2 – Toxic While we can all enjoy the fact that one of these robots will lose this week no matter what, there is still the unfortunate reality that both of them can’t lose (if only). So with a heavy heart, let’s find out who wins. Hellhound is slightly faster, and has the option of pressing its plow which The Raven lacks—although Laz doesn’t go for it, and instead tries to assert his robot’s speed. The Raven gets under first and gives Hellhound a push, but it wiggles free quickly. Hellhound gets under now and gives the Raven a push, and the Raven wiggles off. These futile brief pushes continue for quite some time, but the Raven manages to get a clean slam from an encounter eventually, taking Hellhound to the wall and slamming it off its back end. The two bots lock up briefly and the Raven’s torque wins for a moment, and Hellhound backs off. Hellhound now gets under the front corner of that plow on the Raven and gets fully enough under to bench the bot right on its top. It drives straight into the wall and the Raven is ejected, nearly repeating the earlier slam, but it’s flipped over in the process. That’s not good! But the fight ends before Hellhound can capitalize on the weak invertibility of its foe, and it goes to the judges. 1 week later, after painful deliberation, it is decided that Hellhound wins a 3-2 JD Edited by BEES, May 29 2017, 10:21 PM.
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9:06 AM Jul 11
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. Cha0sferret tries a few things: first trying to spin. With the forks up front, No Clearance has little choice but to try approaching with the tail. It’s a nice poking stick, pushing the spinning Eat Me until finally it nudges the blur into a killsaw pit, though No Clearance eats a fling from the hits each time of course. Eat Me tries a different strategy: a direct frontal assault, but control is not one of its strong suits and it simply can’t hit its opponent reliably with this strategy. It does manage to get under one time after enough lunges and it smashes No Clearance into the wall. No Clearance goes for the forks this time to catch its slamming nemesis and Eat Me starts spinning again. No Clearance swings around with the tail again, and Eat Me stops spinning and goes for a slam once more, just missing NC as it turned to present the clamps. This indecisive nonsense continues for some time before the buzzer ends with neither robot really taking control.
9:06 AM Jul 11