| WE HAVE MOVED! http://www.coloholicsanonymous.com/index/ |
| [Narasuo of the Desert Sands] Noctem Archleone; Valkyrie/Third Division | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 28 2008, 12:33 PM (164 Views) | |
| Narasuo of the Desert Sands | Nov 28 2008, 12:33 PM Post #1 |
![]()
|
Name: Noctem Archleone Alias: None, his name literally translates in Latin as "The Night Seeking Whom He May Devour" Gender: Male Age: 462 Birthdate: Unknown Birthplace: Lazengand, Russia Current Residence: Asgard History: Noctem was born in an unknown era, within the walls of an armored city known Lazengand, in Northern Russia. He lived to the age of 17 in his life. His father was a soldier in the Tzar's army, and his mother a servant in the Tzar's Palace. It was unknown why he was born so far from their home in the capital, but he has never speculated on it. When he finally did turn 17, he enlisted in the Tzar's army. As a part of the 17th battalion, he was sent to fight in a skirmish off the western most border of the country. Upheaval in Europe was causing disputes across most of the East, and the Tzar was determined to protect his borders. Noctem and his fellow troops arrived at the border just as the first invaders had begun their attacks. The battles were long, and their battalions were stationed at the border for many months, besieged day and night. Months later still, the battalion was forced northwards to attempt to cut off a massive cavalry force. They managed to push them all the wat up to the icy northern shores, where they had them pinned by both land and sea. The ensued battle went on for three days, and victory seemed close, but a second enemy fore appeared at their southwestern flank, and they were the ones backed into a corner. The battle then changed into a massacre. The enemy reiforcements had with them a massive artillary force, and they bombarded the Russian forces, mortar explosions echoing for miles around. Noctem was positioned at the the very edge near the sea with a forced of 72 other troops. A wave of enemy cannon fire swept over their ranks, while soldiers kept them pinned down with gunfire and grenades. During a brief halt in the cannon bombardment, Noctem tried taking out an enemy sniper who kept a good 20 of his fellow men flaged down by the rocks out by the water's edge. As he drew the sniper's attention, his troops made a dash to higher ground. At that spilt second, cannon fire rained down on the shoreline, killing men by the dozens and shattering one of the huge rockfcaes out on the water. The falling debris destabilized the higher part of the shore, and Noctem was thrown off balance, leaving him wide open to a second sniper who was hiding in the nearby treeline. Noctem took four shots to the chest and abdomen, the fore of the simultanious explosions sending him tumbling into the freeezing waters off the shore. His body floated down the current, taking it down the western shores and into a stream outside of the German border. It was found by several townsmen who were traveling towards Italy, and went taken to the doctors he was sentenced as dead. His fellow soldiers and family never knew what happened to him. His soul, however, was still intact. In his efforts to save his fellow troops, he had attracted the attention of many curious souls. Several of these turned out to be other soldiers who fell in the heat of battle, many of them even from his homeland of Russia. It was these souls that brought him to Asgard, the paradise for fallen souls and heros. Upon coming there, he was judged by several men on his worth as a hero. While he was found only satisfactory at first, he later began showing potential to become one of the Valkyrie, the Europian and American equvalent of the Orient's Shinigami, or Death Gods. Due to the raw force of his growing spiritual power, as well as his fighting prowess, he was placed into training for the 1st Division. He eventually achived a position with the division, and becam acustomed to battling the tainted creatures known as Hollow. His position came under asessment however when his Gungnir's spirit turned out to be one of considerable power and worth. The spirit was none other than Anduriel, the fallen angel who redeemed himself in the eyes of God and was granted new power as one of the Seraphim, the highest order of the angels. Anduriel chose Noctem as his partner, saying that he deemed his soul as a near perfect counterpart to his own. Noctem was baffled by this sudden turn of events. In his eyes, he could see no posible way his soul was fit to be partnered with any angel, let alone the one Seraphim God let go from his side to march to battle. But as he spoke with Anduriel, the angel convinced him that his soul was one of infinite justice, and that quality had drawn the angel's attention to him. As he began fighting with Anduriel's power, it was evident that along with his continually growing reiatsu levels, he was far more powerful that his fellow 1st division counterparts. Under much discussion, he was eventually moved to the 3rd Division, and has remained there the past 209 years. Since his arrival, he has achived the lofty position of he Fourth Seat in the Division. He has mastered his Gungnir to the Vanir release state to the height of it's abilities. Visual Age: 19 Division: Third Divisions: Previously of the First Division Rank: The Fourth Seat Visual Appearance: ![]() Physical Appearance: Noctem is very tall, with pale skin and dull gold eyes. His grey-blond hair is very shagy, and he is lean in shape, but extremely muscular. Clothing and Armor: Noctem wear an armored kama around his waist, as well as silver shin guards. He wears no shirt, but has a white cloak with silver trim that he wears around his neck and draps over him. He wears a black glove that goes up to his elbow with a silver gauntlet plate on his right hand, his entire left arm is covered in armor made of a stone-like metal, and finally he wears a white bandana around his head with the words 'he walks with the light' scralled on it. Personality: Noctem is a very reserved individual. He rarely says things unless they are of great importence to him or others. He s not cold hearted, but he is very aloof towards others. But his heart is noble and pure, and he uses his powers with grave responsibility. Gungnir- Gungnir Name: Anduriel Spirit Appearance: ![]() A knight of God, a fallen angel who sided with Lucifer and lead his armies at The Fall, but redeemed himself upon saving the life of the script Dante and his guide Virgil by keeping Cerberus occupied when they traveled through the Third Ring of Hell. A Former Angel of the Powers, he is now the only Seraphim who is allowed to leave the side of God's Throne and go forth to battle. Inner World: A shining white sky upon which a city of floating ruins dwells, and where Anduriel's feathers endlessly drift about the columns of white and blue stone. Sealed Form: A sword modeled after those dipicted to be carried by the Seraphim. In this form, it is slim of blade and has a medium reach. Noctem can attach the sheathe to the hilt, turning it into a spear-like weapon for longer reach, or use the sheathe to weapon strikes. ![]() Vanir Release Phrase: Let the Cross mark he who has Fallen from God, Anduriel! Vanir Appearance: ![]() In released form, Anduriel has a wider blade and an amazingly long reach. Vanir Abilities: Anduriel uses the power of the Seraphim's heavenly song. Dipicted in numerous accounts, they who are the highest of the nine order of angels are endlessly singing God's praises. This is reflected in Anduriel's combat abilities. Mantra: Anduriel's combination defense and wide attack ability. The sword creates a field of clashing sound and light that detonates into a damaging wave in all directions. The wave acts as a barrier to block physical attacks and deflect projectiles, while also acting as an attack wave that causes disorientation and damage to those caught in it's range. Can be used as a means to halt enemy movement and set them up for a high damage attack. Maximum radius is 9 yards in all directions. Sonata: This power is more of a long range attack. Holy light conforms about the blade, and fires an echoing chord of pure sound and light at the enemy. Due to it's wide range, it can inflict great damage ot one single foe, or moderate damage to multiple opponents. Requiem: Anduriel's close range ability. The Seraphim's Song rattles the blade in sound and light, and when the blade is moved, it creates a massive number of after images in it's wake. The images deal as much damage as the actual blade, and due to the sound and light they are composed of, can disorient enemies. In addition, Noctem can manipulate the after images in any arrangement he can think of, allowing him to do things such as strike from multiple angles or strike an enemy far outside the actual blade's reach. Spiritual Cannon- Weapon Name: Chaos Pulse Weapon Appearance: ![]() A ten barreled rifle-styled handgun of immense power. It can fire both bursts and beams. Weapon Element: The gun fires Noctem's reiatsu enhanced with Anduriel's light and sound powers. The gun itself draws in spiritual power, and it's power increases as it draws in the power of wicked souls. Thus, when impure or evil enemies are present, it increases its power by drawing from the spiritual energy surrounding them. Edited by Narasuo of the Desert Sands, Dec 3 2008, 05:25 PM.
|
|
Destiny waits for no one, and I don't intend to wait for destiny. Bleach: Souen Sawada Noctem Archleone Griever Hayate Luminatti v Acroya n'Ceidante Shikuyen Niishojimo Nihil: Ikusa Kira Gildershis of House Solidor Gundam: Valo Takumi ![]() | |
![]() |
|
| TFE Magnus | Nov 28 2008, 09:28 PM Post #2 |
![]()
Negro please.
![]()
|
Way too overpowered. First of all, take out the Aesir completely, you're a fourth seat, you don't get one; that's unrealistic and cheapens Aesir. Secondly your Vanir is pretty over the top too.
THE ENTIRE GODDAMN WORLD? You could've just said a target area of X feet around the user, and specified ONE particular element. You don't go THE WHOLE WORLD AROUND THE USER, ALSO IT CAN USER WATER AN ICE AND LAVA AND etc. Minimize the range to X feet, pick a single way it affects the ground, you don't get to pull shit like this, don't you realize that one single Vanir ability of yours is more powerful than most people's Aesirs? Sonata is fine. I guess I might allow Requiem if you weaken Mantra, I'm conflicted because your Vanir is so overpowered that single abilities of it are stronger than most people's entire Vanir or Aesir. Mantra would be someone's freaking Aesir! |
![]() |
|
| Narasuo of the Desert Sands | Nov 30 2008, 06:28 AM Post #3 |
![]()
|
Fine Aesir is gone. The Mantra isn't direct use of elements, it's using the song to manipulate certain parts of them. It's like Hitsuguya using his ice powers to cause a tidal wave, he doesn't have direct control over the element, he just uses his own powers to make it do what he wants. The lava idea is basically just the power forcing the lava to the surface and moving it the way he wants it to go. And there are limits to what he can manipulate with his power, so some things are out of his range. I can't make him force a volcano to erupt, or cause a tsunami. It's just an application of his powers on an area of the world around him to give him more options in combat. |
|
Destiny waits for no one, and I don't intend to wait for destiny. Bleach: Souen Sawada Noctem Archleone Griever Hayate Luminatti v Acroya n'Ceidante Shikuyen Niishojimo Nihil: Ikusa Kira Gildershis of House Solidor Gundam: Valo Takumi ![]() | |
![]() |
|
| TFE Magnus | Nov 30 2008, 09:53 AM Post #4 |
![]()
Negro please.
![]()
|
Hitsugaya's ice can only effect limited things, like things ALSO made out of water. It's still water element. It's an elemental influencing elementals, your wave example doesn't really justify anything. I understand your attempt at the example, but the difference is you're asking to be able to influence every element of the world around you. Your ability isn't an elemental that influences further property forms of its element. It's a DO-EVERYTHING vague overpowered thing. Ya gotta pick an element, you have to get focused, you can't be so general with powers because it makes them far too overpowered. Ice, lava, earth, christ, you can't have IT ALL. Even Yamamoto and Hitsugaya, their levels aside, are stuck to single elements. |
![]() |
|
| Narasuo of the Desert Sands | Nov 30 2008, 12:17 PM Post #5 |
![]()
|
I edited it to be more specific. The idea is Anduriel's power comes from a force that affects creation. It has it's own properties, but it can affect others in limited ways. I'm not talking volcanic eruptions, the earth shaping itself at his feet, or anything like that. The changes are limited by what his power can do with it. The freezing of water is a realistic example, because no elemental control is required to do something like move water or freezing it. It can be done by sources that have nothing to do with the water itself. And the spikes are the same; they can be shaped by an outside force and projected by a similar force that have nothing to do with the element itself. |
|
Destiny waits for no one, and I don't intend to wait for destiny. Bleach: Souen Sawada Noctem Archleone Griever Hayate Luminatti v Acroya n'Ceidante Shikuyen Niishojimo Nihil: Ikusa Kira Gildershis of House Solidor Gundam: Valo Takumi ![]() | |
![]() |
|
| TFE Magnus | Nov 30 2008, 12:25 PM Post #6 |
![]()
Negro please.
![]()
|
Except it's only using one element, water. You're asking for the forces of creation itself as your freaking ability. Your argument that freezing water doesn't have to be elemental just makes your ability even more overpowered, unlike Hitsugaya you don't have to be restrained to an elemental ability because you have the magical force of creation that can affect all elements in a vague and infinitely expansive way. You can say the changes are limited by what his power is with it, but who decides that, you? How is it possible to limit this profile's broken ability if it's so vague. You're essentially saying you have control over everything in the area, you're not specifying what the "force" is, it's just apparently existence itself and can affect everything on an elemental level, sound, light, earth, lava, whatever, and is so expansive and "versatile" (vague) that it has infinite potential for abuse. Lucky you, and here most Shinigami would be powerful if they could manipulate fire or ice, here you're a FOURTH SEAT and you want this for your INITIAL RELEASE. And it's not the only ability either! ![]() Cut it down or get more specific, far too over the top. |
![]() |
|
| Narasuo of the Desert Sands | Dec 2 2008, 03:19 PM Post #7 |
![]()
|
Okay, the specific power of the blade is the Seraphim's Song. I based it off the information that the Seraphim are usually always by God's side, eternally singing his praises, and that these songs have great power. Anduriel is an angel who has been granted status and power as a Seraphim, but God allows him to leave His side and go to battle the evils of the world. The Song has physical force, as well as being diorienting when combined with the angelic light. The light is just the combined reiatsu of Noctem and Anduriel themselves, it isn't an element. And the Song doesn't give absolute conrtrol, it just uses its own power to make the material move the way he wants it to, with limits. The only other example I can think of along these lines is using explosives to cause a rockslide. The explosives use their own power to blast the roc into a movable, managable shape and moves it. It's the same principle. |
|
Destiny waits for no one, and I don't intend to wait for destiny. Bleach: Souen Sawada Noctem Archleone Griever Hayate Luminatti v Acroya n'Ceidante Shikuyen Niishojimo Nihil: Ikusa Kira Gildershis of House Solidor Gundam: Valo Takumi ![]() | |
![]() |
|
| Akira | Dec 2 2008, 04:08 PM Post #8 |
![]()
|
Dude you're not listening... I'm stepping in here because i think your story is cool and I don't want to see your character and the work you put in to it go to waste... The problem isn't just how those the elements are controlled... It's that by your description you could theoretically do anything... Here's a list of stuff you stated mantra can do... Mold the environment, shape stone, fire projectiles, control the temperature of water, create tremors, bring lava out of the earth... This is preceded by the phrase such as witch implies that these are just examples of what it could do not specific abilities... Go look at some other profiles, any one of your examples would be a shikai ability on it's own... Well good luck... |
|
| |
![]() |
|
| TFE Magnus | Dec 2 2008, 05:53 PM Post #9 |
![]()
Negro please.
![]()
|
|
![]() |
|
| Narasuo of the Desert Sands | Dec 2 2008, 07:35 PM Post #10 |
![]()
|
Fine, I give up. I've replaced it with a barrier style attack wave. But I'm not changing any more than that, otherwise I'll just scrap him altogether. |
|
Destiny waits for no one, and I don't intend to wait for destiny. Bleach: Souen Sawada Noctem Archleone Griever Hayate Luminatti v Acroya n'Ceidante Shikuyen Niishojimo Nihil: Ikusa Kira Gildershis of House Solidor Gundam: Valo Takumi ![]() | |
![]() |
|
| TFE Magnus | Dec 2 2008, 07:45 PM Post #11 |
![]()
Negro please.
![]()
|
Funny, you giving me ultimatums, I'm just trying to prevent shitty overpowered characters. Approved, barely. I BETTER not see you playing him too powerful. |
![]() |
|
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
| « Previous Topic · Archives · Next Topic » |
| Track Topic · E-mail Topic |
11:21 AM Jul 11
|
Hosted for free by ZetaBoards · Privacy Policy
















11:21 AM Jul 11
