Embarrassing Moments In Church

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Embarrassing Moments In Church
Topic Started: Friday, 29. May 2009, 14:40 (431 Views)
KatyA	Friday, 29. May 2009, 14:40 Post #1
Administrator Posts: 5,391 Group: Admin Member #6 Joined: September 26, 2006	Meandering through some blogs today,I came across a discussion of various blushworthy moments in church Many of course involve children, but not all Quote: At number one, though, because this was entirely my fault, was the Folk Mass at the Cambridge Catholic Chaplaincy when the folk group was going through a particularly bad patch and its orchestra consisted of two guitars, a flute and trombone. There is something inherently funny about the sound a trombone makes, particularly when it is attempting to accompany a group of people chanting the Kyrie... and I started to laugh. Worse, every time I held my breath and regained some self-control, the bwah bwah bwaaaaah sound would start up again. I eventually fled the church, tears streaming down my face, not quite quickly enough to prevent a Mexican wave-style ripple of giggles along my pew. I crept back halfway through the Gloria, feeling thoroughly ashamed of myself and prayed the wretched trombone would not start up again. It did. Monstrous Regiment of Women



Derekap	Friday, 29. May 2009, 19:39 Post #2
Posts: 3,408 Group: Members Member #14 Joined: September 26, 2006	In our mid-teens my friend and I went into the country for a cycling holiday. The village Catholic Church was being served by a visiting priest. The house we stayed in had a number of chiming clocks - none of which was accurate so they chimed at different times. We went to the church and every time the door was opened you could hear the latch and the door sqeaked open and shut. Then the sacristy clock chimed and the priest came out. I think he was from part of the Midlands because he had a very sing songy intonation. Trying to control our amusement at the events was extremely difficult. At times when I was kneeling I had my head in my hands as if, hypocritically, I was being very devout. Many years later, as a Reader, I went to check the priest's typed Bidding Prayers on the Lecturn, but I couldn't find them so I went into the Sacristy to see if he had them. He was a Frenchman and in a true Gallic manner panicked. He himself went to search for them but no success. On the back was his sermon (- as usual in English but with so many accents and stress marks it looked like a slavonic language). I suggested we chose them from the printed book, but he would have none of it. He said that after the opening prayer he would go into the Sacristy and rewrite them or some notes. I said: "What about the Gospel?" he replied: "You read it if need be". I felt very lonely - especially as I was also the Altar Server. I think he came out just in time to read the Gospel but the memory is nerve-wracking blur. Someone at the previous Holy Mass had taken them home!! The next occasion was with the same priest. The diocese was about to hold a gathering in honour of St Nicholas Postgate so he included a reference to him in the Bidding Prayers but spelt the name POSTAGE. I hadn't pre-checked them and when I came to it of course I was amused but for what seemed ages I couldn't think what the correct name should be, above all, when I was trying to remain composed. I got over the hurdle and then, a shock, he repeated the same error a bit later on, so I again had to struggle to keep a straight face. More serious concerned the pp's notes on who had died and who was ill. At a glance there was a name slightly adrift. This made me kill or resurrect him or her until I realised what was the true situation. I felt as if my face and body was burning as I apologised and looked forward to someone complaining bitterly but no one did as far as I knew.
	Derekap


Bob Crowley	Saturday, 30. May 2009, 03:11 Post #3
Posts: 535 Group: Members Member #127 Joined: December 21, 2007	In my original Presbyterian we had one lady who thought she was a good singer. She was OK for some sorts of folk songs, but otherwise she used to drive the rest of us up the wall. Anyway following a particular incident, the pastor told her that on no account was she to sing solo unless she had his permission first. He went away one weekend and she took the opportunity to take the floor, since the rest of us didn't know about the ban. She got half way through the song and the top of her dress fell down. God has a practical sense of humour at times. On another occasion we were doing a skit in front of the church. Part of it involved bending down with our backsides to the audience, but holding a hat behind us. I forget the context - it wasn't crude. The skit came from a book put out by the Red Riding Lights Theatre, who wrote some amusing Christian plays. But as I bent over, I felt "R-r-r-rip" - my trousers had split about six inches right down the back. Lucky I had the hat.



KatyA	Monday, 1. June 2009, 19:06 Post #4
Administrator Posts: 5,391 Group: Admin Member #6 Joined: September 26, 2006	Just read this on The Bones and thought it appropriate for this thread Laurence England Your Diocesan Bishop is approaching you with your parish priest. He is dressed as an ordinary priest. You know that he is largely informal with Priests and Laity. So what do you do? Step 1: You remove your sunglasses and your hat. Good work! For deference, reverence for his holy office and respect in general - top marks! You are doing well. Step 2: He moves to shake your hand politely and says, 'Nice to meet you.' Overwhelmed by his humility and your profound eagerness to show respect for his office, you near refuse his handshake and bend over to kiss a hand, the wrong hand, while he quickly tries to get his Bishop's ring out of his pocket, because he's realised you think you are 'doing the right thing'. You don't give him time to put it on and you kiss his hand anyway. He is embarrassed. You are even more so. Step 3: In a painful attempt at reverence, respect for holy tradition and protocol you have made a t*t out of yourself. Still, don't worry, there is time to recover a sense of dignity and a modicum self-respect. So you say, "It is nice to meet you, Your Grace!" Great recovery...Except for the fact that later on you are told by another Priest he is not an Archbishop and his title and the title which is his as Bishop, should be, 'My Lord', for he is known as 'His Lordship'.



Alan	Sunday, 26. July 2009, 19:53 Post #5
Posts: 685 Group: Members Member #13 Joined: September 26, 2006	Many years ago I was preparing a liturgy for the Bishops visitation Mass. At the Point of Insensing the Celebant by the PP I wrote the instruction "Fr Phillip incenses the Bishop". When we were going through the document with the Bishop, He burst out laughing and simply said "frequently". A most embarassing moment.
	God Bless all who visit this forum, Alan. Add Catholic CyberForum to your favourites


Bob Crowley	Sunday, 2. August 2009, 09:46 Post #6
Posts: 535 Group: Members Member #127 Joined: December 21, 2007	Not actually in church, but a youth group outing. Years ago, we went kayaking down the Brisbane River. At one point we pulled up for lunch, and one of the blokes decided to show off. He took off with a yell, and did a brilliant slide over the edge of the bank onto the lower level below. A couple of seconds later, some of the group doubled up with laughter. As the chap came back over the top of the rise, we could see he was absolutely covered with fresh green cow manure right down one side from head to foot. He'd slidden right through an absolutely fresh cow pat.



flossie	Wednesday, 26. August 2009, 07:25 Post #7
Posts: 9 Group: Members Member #239 Joined: June 28, 2009	I'm an Altar server at my Local Catholic Church. Last year when it was the first Sunday of Advent I had to light a match and then light the taper so that the priest could light the first of the Advent candles. I struck one match, It wouldn't light, The second match broke and I didn't have any luck with the third match. All very well and good but this was during mass in front of the congregation. I gave the box of matches to the priest.



karenjane	Wednesday, 26. August 2009, 08:42 Post #8
Posts: 226 Group: Members Member #240 Joined: August 2, 2009	I remember my Gran McQuade and I went to mass and it dawned on me as we entered the church she had two odd shoes on, one black and one brown. My gran was mortified so she sat up the back and didn't go to communion. I think she was worried she had dementia. I informed her that it was just a wee mistake but long after the event we had a good laugh about it. May she RIP.



CARLO	Wednesday, 26. August 2009, 21:44 Post #9
Posts: 1,687 Group: Members Member #27 Joined: September 28, 2006	flossie Wednesday, 26. August 2009, 07:25 I'm an Altar server at my Local Catholic Church. Last year when it was the first Sunday of Advent I had to light a match and then light the taper so that the priest could light the first of the Advent candles. I struck one match, It wouldn't light, The second match broke and I didn't have any luck with the third match. All very well and good but this was during mass in front of the congregation. I gave the box of matches to the priest. Well matches are very pre-V2 but a cigarette lighter with flame set to maximum is probably best for this sort of task! Good luck with your altar serving! Pax CARLO
	Judica me Deus


pat	Thursday, 27. August 2009, 11:21 Post #10
Posts: 421 Group: Members Member #22 Joined: September 26, 2006	I was at a Mass at Westminster Cathedral once. When it came to the Gospel acclamation, the priest stood up and processed to the lectern accompanied by the most sublime singing from the choir. It was until he arrived there that he realised he should have stopped on the way at the altar and picked up the Gospel! Poor man had to scuttle quickly back and fetch it, face burning bright red all the while.



Clare	Sunday, 30. August 2009, 19:41 Post #11
Wacko Schismatic Traditionalist Woman Posts: 3,083 Group: Members Member #70 Joined: March 27, 2007	After Mass today, as I was about to leave, I had just come out of the ladies'. I went to say goodbye to the priest, and then I turned and walked towards the door. The priest followed me, so I turned to him again, and he said something like: "You might want to rearrange your skirt!"
	S.A.G. My attempt at a blog.


Rose of York	Sunday, 30. August 2009, 20:12 Post #12
Administrator Posts: 14,517 Group: Admin Member #2 Joined: September 25, 2006	Clare, your priest addressed you in a most gentlemanly fashion. Did he say it in a whisper? Some folks would have put it another way. "Yer skirt's caught up in yer knickers".
	$Posted Image$ Catholic and proud of it! Talk to God before Mass. Talk to each other afterwards


Emee	Sunday, 30. August 2009, 21:57 Post #13
Posts: 1,278 Group: Members Member #20 Joined: September 26, 2006	I love the Masses at Westminster Pat. I try to go if I'm in the Capital.



Anne-Marie	Monday, 31. August 2009, 09:17 Post #14
Posts: 500 Group: Members Member #242 Joined: August 21, 2009	Emee Sunday, 30. August 2009, 21:57 I love the Masses at Westminster Pat. I try to go if I'm in the Capital. Haven't been to Mass there since the 80s! Back in the 70s, I travelled overnight to Amsterdam, via Harwich/Hook of Holland... spent the day looking round Amsterdam (where every church/cathedral was locked!!!)... and back overnight the following night, stopping off at Westminster for sung Mass. After more than fifty hours awake, I stood for the Gospel, apparently gave one snore... and awoke as I was falling to the floor Wellll, I were tired and wanted me bed!
	Anne-Marie FIAT VOLUNTAS DEI


karenjane	Monday, 31. August 2009, 09:22 Post #15
Posts: 226 Group: Members Member #240 Joined: August 2, 2009	I remember many years ago a boy called Christopher in reply to Body of Christ said " a pan loaf and ten Embassy tipped". The priest couldn't beiieve his ears. It seems before he left for church his mother had said to him not to forget to go to the shop after mass and get the bread etc.



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