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Lonely Catholics
Topic Started: Wednesday, 8. October 2008, 12:56 (569 Views)
Rose of York
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In the thread "What this forum means to me?" Emee mentioned the isolation felt by lone Catholics, i.e. those who attend Mass alone, due to their immediate families not wanting to be there with them.

I was in that situation for many years, before my husband was received into the Church, nearly twenty years after our wedding day. It is not an easy situation for a person who grew up in a household where the family ethos revolved around Catholicism.

Rather than kick this off with a long spiel from me, I would prefer to give others the opportunity to say something about the difficulties experienced by lone Catholics who may be single, widowed, divorced, housebound, carers, persons who have converted to Catholicism. There may be others.
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Em.

I read your opening Rose, and I have a sugestion that might not go down well with some people. The local Church should have a list of housebound people without a family, and it should be availaable to those whowant to visit people for a short chat. Priests are not doing it, so how about members of the of the church?
I am awareof people that visits hospitals, but how aboutthose sick at home.
Divine Mercy
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Rose of York
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Em.
Wednesday, 8. October 2008, 13:53
I read your opening Rose, and I have a sugestion that might not go down well with some people.
Don't you worry about that, Em. I am well aware of the neglect faced in some parishes.

Suggest having a team of visitors, the objections raised could be "We'd have to get people vetted". Well, they should get the visitors vetted.

It is important that persons being visited are given some choice in who calls. It is their home, the visitor is a guest. I also think the support should not be limited to visiting, some people are sick of looking at their own four walls. They might enjoy the freedom of just going to a shop to try on new shoes, or choose some clothing, rather than relying solely on mail order.
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Mairtin
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And don't forget that some of them could maybe get to Mass if they only had a lift. If a Sunday is not suitable for doing that, what about a weekday?
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Emee
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Rose as I say I'm glad you started this thread.

For my part I started to feel more of the parish community when I was asked to get involved with the Children's Liturgy. I am only on the rota about once a month but that suits me as the rest of the time I am able to attend all of the Mass.

However, I know not everyone would want to get involved in such a group so this wouldn't be the answer for everybody.

A wheelchair bound chap asked if I'd visit him in his residential home after Mass once. I have mentioned this before. I initially I thought of all the excuses under the sun not to go and then I thought this is ridiculous and said "Yes of course I will."

The great payback is that now about every couple of months we go off to Morrisons cafe for lunch after Mass. He can only manage soup and a roll and a cold drink, so I have that also - while inwardly drooling over their Flying Start cooked breakfast photos.

Two older sisters also take me out for a pub lunch now and again, which is lovely, as I occasionally give them lifts home from Church.

At long last I am learning patience and humility. It took a long time, proud woman that I am, but I think God is starting to break through my self imposed fortress (basically against being hurt or ridiculed) and re-mould me, while keeping any good He had already blessed me with.

Thank you God for that.
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pat
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I suppose I count as a lone Catholic - my mum is Anglican, my Dad a lapsed Catholic and my sister doesn't really believe (although I did give her a Miraculous Medal the other week and she wore it). This coming Saturday is my parents' Golden Wedding Anniversary and I have booked Mass that day for their intentions but sadly they won't be coming to the Mass. My mum still feels uncomfortable with my conversion.
I am lucky that I worship in a very active parish, and take part in various things - Legion of Mary, Scripture study, daily Rosary and Mass, and I have made good friends.
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Rose of York
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For a person married to a person who does not attend Church, one of the hardest things is always going to Mass alone. In my childhood and teenage years, the whole family attended Mass. We were a big family, and as we grew up we were allowed to choose our favourite Mass times. Some went to the early Mass, some to the half past nine, and some to the High Sung Mass at about 11. Two or three would be going at the same time, so we would go together, it was a normal part of family life.

Adulthood comes, you move out of the home area, you go to Mass alone, you see couples together, some are accompanied by their parents or brothers and sisters. I often felt a sense of "missing out" on Mass being a family affair. I actually felt better once I had a child to take with me. My husband accompanied us on First Holy Communion days because that was important for our children. He tried attending one church, for my sake. Not a soul acknowledged us, he went a couple of times, but then asked how I could go anywhere where I was ignored. I told him, the company was not the most important thing, I went to pray.

After the First Holy Communion, of our second child, the whole family attended the First Communion breakfast. My husband found a friendly, welcoming, atmosphere. Guess where he was the following Sunday? At Mass with his family. It really is important to be friendly to strangers, posters on church notice boards, advertising RCIA are a waste of space if we do not acknowledge visitors. One never knows whether the stranger is seeking faith, and may need a little support and encouragement.

During my RAF service, I was never alone at Mass. Two or three Catholic girls would team up and attend together. It was rather nice, that the people we had to salute, when on duty, were just "other parishioners" on Sunday,. all equal in God's house.
Edited by Rose of York, Thursday, 9. October 2008, 00:52.
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Phil_sfo

Our parish is fortunate inasmuch as it has a very lively SVDP group which makes visits, not only to the local hospital, but also to parishioners who are housebound and to those who are in care homes. All of them, of course, require disclosures, but why not?...if that's what's needed to perform such charitable works. There is also an annual Mass and blessing for the sick, with a evening meal afterwards.
As I'm writing this I'm beginning to appreciate, even more, the parish I am in because we also have a very close ecumenical relationship with the non-catholic (Cof S) parishioners with Christmas celebrations in alternative years. Certainly, we have an excellent PP who has the primary children from the nearby school at morning mass every First Friday. But to get back to the thread - It is a very, very important apostolate to ensure that isolated or housebound folk are sought out - even for just a chat, to let them know that they still have a place in the community - that they have their values and are not forgotten.
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Em.

Strange talking about Mass.
In my days, in Malta, the first Mass was at 5am eveyday to cater for those people that want to go to work.
In Malta, especialy in summer they uised to sstart work early so that they can clock off at 1pm for the rest of the day, that was during the summer months.
Mother used to attend the 5am Mass, and she used to make me go with her, the Mass used to end at about 5.45am, in those days it was a straight Mass and no preaching, just go see the priest going through what he had to do, and the people gathered just say the Rosary. The Church was always full even at that time. Then mother used to go to the market and buy fresh fis, meat and vegetables for the day. In those dak ages of my yought we never knew the meanin g of a Fridge. and if you had one, it was a a box with steel innerrs and had to buy ice blocks from the "Ice man" when he comes around.
We lived just two minutes from the Parish Church and were very friendly with the Parish Priest as almost everyone was, in those dark ages, evenyone was for the Church and those who werre not they were suirely not to be so close to.
The point is, I stil beleive to do things first thing in the morning, I still get up by 6am, and whatever I need doing I just get on with it, then the rest of the day is mine. Which is hardly ever.
In Malta we had the rediffusion with two channels, at 6am, the days used to be started with "Ave Maria" and that was when the "real" day started for most of us.
Sorry to take so long.
Divine Mercy
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Phil_sfo

It's a lovely way to start the day. So much could be said about attending. Unfortunately so many people just cannot manage...not even to lunchtime masses. It's usually only the diamond club who can go along in the morning - if there isn't any babysitting to be done. At our morning mass there are people who only come on a particular day or days and that tells me that they have other duties that keep them away.
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saundthorp

Unfortunately it's a bit of a blame game circle in my parish. I'm in the SVP and parishioners complain we don't visit them when they are sick. We complain about the PP not letting us know about sick and house parishioners and the PP complains about parishioners not tellng him about sick or house bound parishioners.
Up to three years ago our PP was the local hospital chaplain and what used to really annoy him was to find one of his own parishioners in hospital, of whom he knew nothing. :hissyfit:
Truth is still the truth even if no one believes it. Error is still error even if everyone believes it.
(Archbishop Fulton Sheen)
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Rose of York
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saundthorp
Thursday, 9. October 2008, 08:45
Up to three years ago our PP was the local hospital chaplain and what used to really annoy him was to find one of his own parishioners in hospital, of whom he knew nothing. :hissyfit:
Hospital chaplains are not given the names of patients of their denomination. The reason is, Data Protection Act. Some people just don't want a chaplain, that is their legal right.

The NHS standard patient information says that if a person wishes to see the chaplain, the staff will arrange it. Our regional hospital invites people to send for a batch of cards, that can be completed, by family or patients, and posted to the chaplain or handed in to the ward staff. Every parish could do with a batch of those cards, placed near the parish bulletins. Two parish priests have told me there is no need, people will know what to do. They don't know, if they have no experience of hospitals, and they may be confused and frightened if the admission is done in emergency.
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Rose of York
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Phil_sfo
Thursday, 9. October 2008, 07:46
But to get back to the thread - It is a very, very important apostolate to ensure that isolated or housebound folk are sought out - even for just a chat, to let them know that they still have a place in the community - that they have their values and are not forgotten.
Phil, what proportion of Catholics categorised as housebound, would you say, are totally unable to leave their homes? Would most of them get out of their houses for Mass, and parish social events (and play an active part) if they were offered a lift? I maintain there are a lot of people with experience and talent, who could play an active part in parish life, but are stuck at home because they had to give up driving. An example is my neighbour, who, when I met him, was too frail to go out at all, but he told me, that for several years, friends took him out for meals, and shopping, but he never went to Mass, all for the lack of a lift. He had asked, the parish priest had responded "you are not obliged to come, you should have Communion at home." That led to being cut off from the parish community.

Obviously some people have reached the stage where they will never go out again. I accept that.
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I dont think it would take much when the nurse is taking your details (of thats possible) to ask whether you have a religion, and would like the chaplain to be informed and tell your local Priest, Pastor, Rabbi, Immam etc.[redit][/redit]
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Rose of York
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Joseph Dylong
Thursday, 9. October 2008, 18:39
I dont think it would take much when the nurse is taking your details (of thats possible) to ask whether you have a religion, and would like the chaplain to be informed and tell your local Priest, Pastor, Rabbi, Immam etc.[redit][/redit]
In my experience they do ask incoming inpatients if they require a visit from a chaplain. Only if the answer is in the affirmative, do they ask what religion. With permission they notify the appropriate hospital chaplain.
Keep the Faith!

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