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Women Burned Out At 30!
Topic Started: Friday, 28. September 2007, 13:09 (2,054 Views)
Mrs Jamie

Rose of York
Sep 28 2007, 12:50 PM
As this forum concentrates on Catholicism I am about to give this topic a Catholic perspective. :D



Good Catholic women don't call in sick. They are either looking after babies, or busy doing their work, in religious orders.

We were encouraged to have careers, but - we were taught that motherhood was a proud profession, and encouraged to relax and pray.

Your contribution made me laugh Rose.....

Mind you if you have a baby a year I can't imagine that is going to do a lot for the amount of sleep you get either.....unless you are so exhausted by endless child-rearing that you fall into a coma every night.....

But only after a vigorous bout of sex of course, because even 'natural' family planning cannot be contemplated except in the most extreme circumstances.....

But your post did remind me of my own days at convent grammar school where the "careers mistress" had only four options on offer - to be a nurse, a teacher, a nun or "a good Catholic mother".

I still remember the horrified incomprehension on her face when I announced my intention of going into journalism.....

I also remember incidentally the hilarious "sex" education we were given....

This consisted of two books, one issued in the first year at school, and one in the second - the first had a pale pink cover and a picture of Our Lady on the front, the second was pale green, and unless you were already aware of what they were trying to convey you'd never have guessed by actually reading them....

They were written by a nun and were full of references to "occasions of sin" and advice that "if worried to seek advice from a good Catholic woman" but as to what these worries might actually be about, was frankly anyone's guess.....

Finally on the day before we left at the end of the sixth form we were all handed a book in - literally - a plain brown cover and told to read it that evening and return it the next day......

No-one did - read it I mean, and they were all solemnly handed back in the next day.....


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Derekap
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Was there no giggling - stifled or otherwise?
Derekap
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paul

I am amazed at the disclosures of girls activities during convent education.!

I thought only males went through a mid-life crisis.

I certainly think that some of the points raised pose interesting topics. eg. should a woman be career orientated? or should she concentrate on her nurturing characteristics as a mum? Has that raised a few hackles?

Why do women always want to look young? I posed this question to one lady who said: because that's what men want!

Personally, I have no problem with the ageing process. I seem to accept every decade as it comes and adjust accordingly. I have no need to want to look a decade or two younger. That's just conceit and silly. Surely we all have something to offer irrespective of age. And we are told that wisdom comes with age.

Now that should be enough to get your teeth into, please wait whilst I stand back from the screen!

Yours in Christ

paul
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Colin2000

Hi Paul,

Quote, "Why do women always want to appear so young."

Have you taken out insurance? I will pray for you!

Colin.
JESUS IS LORD


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Mrs Jamie

paul
Sep 29 2007, 04:19 PM

I certainly think that some of the points raised pose interesting topics. eg. should a woman be career orientated? or should she concentrate on her nurturing characteristics as a mum?


paul

I don't see why women should be given an either/or option.

Most women want children - although I'm sure few would be prepared to go back to the days when women had a baby a year and died exhausted in their forties, looking like their grandmothers (THAT'S burnout for you).

But most women also want to use their brains and their God-given talents too.....

I loved being a full time mother to my three boys when they were small but I was also thrilled - really thrilled - when I was given the opportunity to return to work once they were all at school.

I have a talent for words (trust me - I'm a journalist!), I enjoy meeting people, and I believe I have, in the course of my career, promoted some worthwhile causes rather than just churned out stories about sleazy vicars.

When my children were younger I was able to tailor my work around them: and these days of course one can work as a journalist from anywhere: my first book will be published next year.

So I look at my life with considerable content and HUGE gratitude - for a happy family life, sons who love me and a career which I have found stimulating, fascinating and satisfying - and which had I passed up completely would have made me feel frustrated and bored and that I had wasted the talents I had been born with.

I remember Clare Rayner once saying that the words which made her blood run cold came from women who said "I've given up everything for my children..."

She pointed out that children eventually leave home and get on with their own lives - leaving mothers with no other interests in life a prey to depression and loneliness.

I once turned down an editorship because we didn't need two people in our family who came home exhausted at midnight - but I do believe that women shouldn't be needlessly constrained by motherhood either.

I think the word I am striving for is "balance" - you can't have everything, but you don't have to rule out everything either.

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Quicunque vult

Perhaps the question should not be "what do I want to do", or "how can I fit my children around my interests", but "what does the Lord want me to do?"

Fortunately for us all, Our Lady responded positively when this question came up for her.

QV
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Mrs Jamie

Quicunque vult
Sep 29 2007, 06:42 PM
Perhaps the question should not be "what do I want to do", or "how can I fit my children around my interests", but "what does the Lord want me to do?"

Fortunately for us all, Our Lady responded positively when this question came up for her.

QV

But just the once!

I have three times the number of children Our Lady did!!! :angel:

And if she was the perfect mother, it could well be that having the perfect child helped - my three were certainly no angels..... :wh:

Besides which I'm afraid most of us find that "the Lord" isn't quite so forthcoming with us - having an angel arrive with the forthcoming agenda would be one way I suppose, but for most of us life is more a question of muddling by and doing our best.....
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Rose of York
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Mrs Jamie
Sep 29 2007, 10:47 PM

I have three times the number of children Our Lady did!!!  :angel:

And if she was the perfect mother, it could well be that having the perfect child helped - my three were certainly no angels..... :wh:

I never thought of that. The very thought of having a son who never throws a toddler tantrum, never, in his teenage years says "OUT" when his mother asks him in the nicest possible way where he is going, and never ever has one drink too many, is mind boggling.
Keep the Faith!

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Derekap
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Mary did lose Jesus on one occasion when he stayed behind talking in the Temple. When Mary remonstrated He "told her off" saying:"Don't you know I must carry out my Father's business?"
Derekap
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Rose of York
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Quicunque vult
Sep 29 2007, 07:42 PM
Perhaps the question should not be "what do I want to do", or "how can I fit my children around my interests", but "what does the Lord want me to do?"

Fortunately for us all, Our Lady responded positively when this question came up for her.

QV

For most women the first question is "How long can I continue to stay at home being a full time mother?". The second and third questions are "As it is essential I get out and earn some money sooner or later, what is the best option? and "Where can I find a good childminder who will give a high standard of care for my child".

We live on Planet Earth, and we must be practical. Voluntary poverty for oneself is one thing. Inflicting it on one's children is not acceptable. If a woman needs to work, she may as well do something she will find enjoyable and fulfilling, for an employer who shows consideration for family needs. It is not easy being a working mother.
Keep the Faith!

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Rose of York
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Mrs Jamie
Sep 29 2007, 10:46 AM
But your post did remind me of my own days at convent grammar school where the "careers mistress" had only four options on offer - to be a nurse, a teacher, a nun or "a good Catholic mother".

Options offered to us were:

1 For those able to pass A levels - teacher (trained in an college owned by the Order than ran our school, of course)

2 Next step down, good O levels but no As - nursing or civil service

3 Secretarial

4 "Rose York if you do not make more effort with your homework you will end up in Woolworths". They never said I would end up cleaning, or working in a factory or mill. Notre Dame girls who did that were the unclean, best forgotten.

The creme de la creme were the ones who proposed joining religous teaching or nursing orders. We all thought about it, but none of my class did it.

Sex education consisted of lessons on the Sixth and Ninth Commandments, unless one was lucky enough to be in the know about the other lessons given in the boiler house (which was strictly out of bounds) during the mid day break. One of the girls knew all the "Facts of Life" (so she said).

We were forbidden to talk to the lads from the Jesuit school up the road, while we were wearing uniform. I never did find out who reported me for talking to one of the boys, on my way to school. "Rose York, you have been seen, regularly talking to a boy from Saint Michael's" "Sister, there are two of them, they are" "Rose York, TWO of them!" "Yes Sister they are my" "I don't want to know what they are, they are BOYS" "My brothers, Sister. We walk to the bus stop together every morning" "Rose you must not walk to the bus stop with boys, whoever you are. You are giving the school a reputation. Tell your mother you and your brothers must not leave the house together when you are wearing the school uniform".
Keep the Faith!

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Rose of York
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Rose of York
Sep 29 2007, 11:21 PM
Mrs Jamie
Sep 29 2007, 10:47 PM

I have three times the number of children Our Lady did!!!  :angel:

And if she was the perfect mother, it could well be that having the perfect child helped - my three were certainly no angels..... :wh:

I never thought of that. The very thought of having a son who never throws a toddler tantrum, never, in his teenage years says "OUT" when his mother asks him in the nicest possible way where he is going, and never ever has one drink too many, is mind boggling.

Having a perfect son (Jesus) sounds idyllic, but:

Quote:
 
34 And Simeon blessed them, and said to Mary his mother: Behold this child is set for the fall, and for the resurrection of many in Israel, and for a sign which shall be contradicted; 35 And thy own soul a sword shall pierce, that, out of many hearts, thoughts may be revealed.


Our Lady must have known many moments of fear, of having her heart pierced.
Keep the Faith!

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Alan
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I find the subject of this topic very disturbing - Burn Out

It is predictable that an organisation which deals with womens health will highlight their concerns. I have no doubt that any similar enquiry about mens burnout would reach the same conclusion.

The contributions to date are,in some ways, quite predictable.

As Catholics we have a responsibility to be more objective and express our grave concerns at the way our family lives are so very seriously affected. Unacceptable levels of Divorce. Intolerable levels of abuse of children and vulnerable adults. Lack of respect for fellow beings.

I do not believe any person should be "tied to the kitchen sink" We must find a better way of promoting family life and stamping out Greed which leads to burnout.

This greed is very often not within the the immediate family but caused by external forces.

As an example of this I quote land prices. Dependant on ones area of residence an acre of farmland is worth in the region of £5000.00 The same acre of land for housing purposes is worth in the region of £1,700,000.00.

Farmers are cajoled by major supermarkets to produce "crops" cheaply. The only beneficiaries being shareholder who appear extremely greedy.

I could go on about Banks and other institutions.

Now are we going to live by greed or our Catholic Social Teaching, so as to minimise the risk of Burnout?

God Bless all who visit this forum,

Alan.

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Colin2000

Alan
Sep 30 2007, 12:28 AM
I find the subject of this topic very disturbing - Burn Out

It is predictable that an organisation which deals with womens health will highlight their concerns. I have no doubt that any similar enquiry about mens burnout would reach very the same conclusion.

The contributions to date are,in some ways, quite predictable.

As Catholics we have a responsibility to be more objective and express our grave concerns at the way our family lives are so very seriously affected. Unacceptable levels of Divorce. Intolerable levels of abuse of children and vulnerable adults. Lack of respect for fellow beings.

I do not believe any person should be "tied to the kitchen sink" We must find a better way of promoting family life and stamping out Greed which leads to burnout.

This greed is very often not within the the immediate family but caused by external forces.

As an example of this I quote land prices. Dependant on ones area of residence an acre of farmland is worth in the region of £5000.00 The same acre of land for housing purposes is worth in the region of £1,700,000.00.

Farmers are cajoled by major supermarkets to produce "crops" cheaply. The only beneficiaries being shareholder who appear extremely greedy.

I could go on about Banks and other institutions.

Now are we going to live by greed or our Catholic Social Teaching, so as to minimise the risk of Burnout?

Hi Alan,

My concern is, "Is it possible to live by Catholic or any other concern and still live in your own house?"

The shortage of 'Your own House' could be a key to the Christian Churches problems.

We used to build Council Houses to meet that need. That might have been the right thing to continue to do. But the Labour Government have accepted and taken to their own Tory policy in this matter. So the young are now on their own.

That is a risky business. Children do not have their eyed on Jesus or the Church anymore because the mother has her eyes on the Mortgage that she will leave her children instead. She isn't even there to walk around to the Church for Mass in the mornings.

She is sitting in public transport going no where.

Who is going to teach the Christian Ethic if not the mother?

Sad state of affairs! (So is my spelling this morning!).

Yours in His Name,

Colin.
JESUS IS LORD


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Mrs Jamie

Derekap
Sep 29 2007, 10:27 PM
Mary did lose Jesus on one occasion when he stayed behind talking in the Temple. When Mary remonstrated He "told her off" saying:"Don't you know I must carry out my Father's business?"

But did He then get grounded for being cheeky to his mum?
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