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| Derekap | Friday, 29. May 2009, 19:39 |
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In our mid-teens my friend and I went into the country for a cycling holiday. The village Catholic Church was being served by a visiting priest. The house we stayed in had a number of chiming clocks - none of which was accurate so they chimed at different times. We went to the church and every time the door was opened you could hear the latch and the door sqeaked open and shut. Then the sacristy clock chimed and the priest came out. I think he was from part of the Midlands because he had a very sing songy intonation. Trying to control our amusement at the events was extremely difficult. At times when I was kneeling I had my head in my hands as if, hypocritically, I was being very devout. Many years later, as a Reader, I went to check the priest's typed Bidding Prayers on the Lecturn, but I couldn't find them so I went into the Sacristy to see if he had them. He was a Frenchman and in a true Gallic manner panicked. He himself went to search for them but no success. On the back was his sermon (- as usual in English but with so many accents and stress marks it looked like a slavonic language). I suggested we chose them from the printed book, but he would have none of it. He said that after the opening prayer he would go into the Sacristy and rewrite them or some notes. I said: "What about the Gospel?" he replied: "You read it if need be". I felt very lonely - especially as I was also the Altar Server. I think he came out just in time to read the Gospel but the memory is nerve-wracking blur. Someone at the previous Holy Mass had taken them home!! The next occasion was with the same priest. The diocese was about to hold a gathering in honour of St Nicholas Postgate so he included a reference to him in the Bidding Prayers but spelt the name POSTAGE. I hadn't pre-checked them and when I came to it of course I was amused but for what seemed ages I couldn't think what the correct name should be, above all, when I was trying to remain composed. I got over the hurdle and then, a shock, he repeated the same error a bit later on, so I again had to struggle to keep a straight face. More serious concerned the pp's notes on who had died and who was ill. At a glance there was a name slightly adrift. This made me kill or resurrect him or her until I realised what was the true situation. I felt as if my face and body was burning as I apologised and looked forward to someone complaining bitterly but no one did as far as I knew. |
| Derekap | |
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| Embarrassing Moments In Church · The Parish Hall | |
1:56 PM Nov 24