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[WIP] Naze?, by Oramo[Moved]
Tweet Topic Started: Feb 19 2010, 04:46 AM (691 Views)
Bucks Feb 19 2010, 04:46 AM Post #1
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Status: Work in Progress
Title: Naze?
Author: Oramo
Rating: T
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: Naruto/Anko
Summary: All children age six are put into the Academy for the new war with Kumo. Naruto is forced to change and mature at a rate no child should have to, especially after Team 7 has to abandon him at the border of Ame. Will he become Itachi? Akats SlightDarkNaru
Link: -Link-


Where to begin, lots of cons in the earlier chapters. It starts of cliche, beatings ect. Imo, the writing is bland at the beginning and the summary is just plain bad, Naruto being too smart for a 6 year old. All in all by chapter 3, I was expecting more shit to head my way. The only thing that kept me reading was that the author didn't resort to bashing.

Naruto being "abandoned" was very well handled. I thought from the summary we'd just head straight into Sakura/Sasuke bashing, that wasn't the case and you could sort of feel for both sides in that mess.

The last few chapters have been a semi rehash of the chuunin exams, but I'm entertained none the less by Naruto's character. We have the makings of the plot

Spoiler: click to toggle
Destroying the 5 big Nations and start Pein's quest for world peace from there


but not much. Unless you count Naruto's descent into madness plot. <- That too by the was handled pretty darn well.

3.5/5 In between average and good for me, but leaning more towards good.
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li.u Feb 20 2010, 07:42 PM Post #2
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A terribly bad start, that's for sure. I'm not sure yet if I'll skip ahead to see the psycho parts Bucks liked. Probably not 'cause the first chapter was already dumb enough to kill most all of my motivation to read on.
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It starts of cliche, beatings ect. Imo, the writing is bland at the beginning and the summary is just plain bad, Naruto being too smart for a 6 year old.

Amen.

The angry village aspect was actually handled decently enough. While the villagers indeed hate Naruto, they try to suppress their hatred/dislike for him in favour of actively ignoring him, which is a lot more canon than to have the entirety of Konoha glaring and insulting him all the time. The beating was an one-time lapse of control and the attackers snap out of it after a couple of punches and back off immediately, the Hokage's decree most likely on their minds. It was nowhere near as cliché as the drunk mob with pitchforks or the 'carefully planned' assassination attempt led by some random Chuunin. A shop owner simply losing it after Naruto throws a tantrum and damages his property - I can tolerate that.

It's the Naruto being too damn smart and introspective that makes me want to puke. Instead of going on a rant, just read the passage and you'll understand what I mean. To clarify: Naruto just found out that every child, age 6-8, is to be conscripted into the academy in preparation for the war with Kumo. He never wanted to be a Shinobi.
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‘No, no, no, no, NO! They will not have me…they will not own my life. They think they can make me a shinobi? Fine, if they want me to be one of their little soldiers so bad then I’ll give them one: I’ll become Jounin, no Anbu! No wait…Hokage. Yes, that’ll shut ‘em up for good! And then, when I have that hat in my hands and the crowd’s looking at me with awe and respect in their eyes…I’ll refuse the pos—’, he abruptly stopped as a new feeling emerged within him.

'Heh', he had thought sadly, no I won’t. If someone offered me the title of Hokage right now, I’d probably take it and do as best I could to fulfill my duties, just for the recognition it would give me. How noble of me…'

'But then again,' he continued relentlessly, 'if I don’t do anything and waste away my life like this, they’d win and for some unholy reason I cannot allow that to happen. By becoming the exact opposite of what they think I am, I can’t help but earn their respect…right? Ah what the hell, not like I have choice. Besides, Sakura will be there and I would die before I’d let her get killed in some dumbass war. How could I? She smiled at me, she waved to me, she acknowledged me and she pulled me out of myself without even trying. I have to do my best protect her and help her become strong enough so she won’t ever have to cry again…so she can brighten everyone’s life with that smile of hers. I think I can do really well as ninja, but I can’t let anyone else know that. Not even Sakura. Best to play it dumb and keep on with the pranks…don’t want the Council prying into my affairs. From the way everyone looks at me it’s as if they think I’m some dangerous beast. No need to give them any proof. Just play it cool Naruto…or in this case, play it as hot-tempered, obnoxious, and stupid as you can.'

That's it. The passage that ruined it all. Naruto's six years old. He just met Sakura a minute ago and doesn't know shit about her. He decides to play dumb and wear a Mask of stupidity because of - wait for it - the COUNCIL. :smug

Did I mention that Naruto was six years old and that the COUNCIL never actively acted against him?

1/5 for terrible start.
(Might reconsider the rating if I decide to skip ahead. Wouldn't bet on it, though.)
Edited by li.u, Feb 20 2010, 07:47 PM.
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Garrus Feb 21 2010, 03:32 AM Post #3
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The beginning sucks but it gets a lot better. Once you make it through the first two or three chapters the story improves a lot. I enjoyed it and compared to a lot of stories it's gold (not that that's saying much), but I started to enjoy. And Naruto is a borderline sadist and psychopath at times which has made this story infinitely entertaining. I'd give it a 4/5.
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Howdy Mar 2 2010, 04:27 PM Post #4
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Oramo
2010-01-31 . chapter 5
An excellent story to say the least. I can literally find no wrong with it and I eagerly await the next chapter. The last time you updated, of course, was over nine months ago. I sincerely hope, however, that you find the time to continue with this story. One of your past stories, "Houses of the Holy" I think, inspired me to begin writing my own story, which is titled "Naze?". If you read it, you'll notice some potent similarities between it and "Houses of the Holy" (I couldn't help incorporating it into my subconscious and I do completely apologize), but I will say that there are many differences in the plot. Basically, the similarities lie in who brought Naruto to Ame (Konan) and that Naruto went back. Besides that, everything else is completely different. If you don't believe me, you can check it out for yourself. Basically, I would be honored to have you review my story and critique it, when you have time of course.

Please update as soon as possible and may you continue producing such wonderful stories.

Oramo


Found this in my WW reviews the other day.

Huh.
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li.u Mar 2 2010, 09:17 PM Post #5
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Looks like you found yourself a potential internet lackey, Howdy.

Now make him do stuff. :ermm:
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Orchamus Aug 31 2010, 07:51 PM Post #6
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I'll give it a 2.5/5,. I want to give it better, since I have read it and keep up with it, but honestly, there are these bumps in it that just keep tripping me up.
Pirates are evil!!? The Marines are righteous!!? These terms have always changed throughout the course of history...!!! Kids who have never seen peace and kids who have never seen war have different values!!! Those who stand at the top determine what's wrong and what's right! This very place is neutral ground!!! Justice will prevail, you say!? But of course it will!!! Whoever wins this war becomes justice!!!----Donquixote Doflamingo
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